Next to You
by Vanjalina
Summary: Hermione is coming back for her last year at Hogwarts. The war is over, and so is her old life. Getting a new one means questioning all that was before, including her old feelings and beliefs. This leads her to make unexpected and difficult choices, but will her friends accept them? There may be distress, but it's also a year filled with studies, friendship and coffee.
1. Mentor

This is the first part in the series "The many faces of darkness and light", but it's a finished story, perfectly suited to stand alone.

I'd like to dedicate this one to Chillie, for making herself an everlasting nest in my heart. Then I have the greatest of thanks to my beta reader Arabellagaleotti – you've been marvellous!

**Chapter 1 – Mentor**

The sun was about to set, but it was still warm outside. Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting on a grassy slope near the Burrow. Harry was sitting with his arms around his legs, head on his knees, and Ron and Hermione were close to each other, fingers laced together.

Harry broke the silence, "I can't believe it's over."

"You say that all the time, you know," Ron laughed, the sun glinting off his hair..

"Yes, but I still can't... I mean, what am I supposed to do now?"

An amused smile woke on Ron's lips, "up for more heroics already?"

"No! It's just... everyone is looking at me, expecting things, thinking things, wishing things..."

"Harry, we've had this discussion over and over." Hermione pushed her hair away from her face. "We've fought a war, there's no easy way to let go of that. And you _are_ a hero, whether you like it or not." She ignored Harry's protests and went on. "I can't tell you what to do, but I'm going to try and find myself a life again. My life. A lot of us need our lives back. Or... maybe we need new ones."

"It's easy for you to say." The momentary bitterness on Harry's face gave way to a mix of hopelessness and irritation. "I know we've been discussing this a lot, but I still can't find any answers."

Her face grew soft and a bit apologetic. "I know. But there's not much more I can say. We have to try and go on and find our own ways. I wish I had, but I don't have your answers."

"And now we're going back to school. I can't say I'm looking forward to it. So far I've been able to hide out at Grimmauld Place, or at the Burrow, but now I have to be with hundreds of people every day. Hundreds of people who make sure that I can't forget for a second, can't move on." He heaved a big sigh. "I'm sorry that I keep ranting like this. I just feel like I'm... stuck."

"I think it's wonderful to go back to school — "

"I don't doubt that a second," Ron muttered.

" — and getting a chance to finish our studies. Try to see it that way. When you're done you can go for Auror training, and when you start working you can relax in knowing that you accomplish an ordinary job like everyone else."

"As if Harry needs any marks to get into Auror training, they would welcome him at once and you know it." Her boyfriend leaned back on an elbow.

Harry gave off an annoyed sound. "Well thank you, Ron, that was exactly what I wanted to hear." He ripped up some grass from the roots, throwing it into the wind. "That's what I mean. They think I'm some kind of wonder, extremely talented and resourceful, 'the-boy-who-lived'. They're wrong, I'm just normal."

"Try to not let it get to you." Hermione smiled sadly. "Just accept that people look up to you, and then let it go. If they want to worship you, let them. You go on with your life, unaffected of what others think of you." She sighed. "Remember fourth year? You managed to do it back then. Even if it was another kind of attention."

"In a way, it is exactly the same." His lips tightened. "A lot of people running around believing things about me that are entirely untrue, expecting wonders and for me to jump through whatever hoops they place out for me."

"_Entirely_ untrue isn't quite right. You _did_ defeat Voldemort, Harry."

"Yes, it is! I'm no hero!" He stared at her. "Look at you, why don't they sanctify you? None of us would be here if it wasn't for you."

Hermione tilted her head, sighed. "Yes, I fought in the war. I'm one of the people who made our victory possible. But, I didn't duel the nightmare of the wizarding world, and it was _definitely_ not me who defeated him." Her face softened again. "I did a lot of important things during the war, but you saved us all. I'm sorry, but you did."

Harry let out a big sigh and rolled over on his stomach. "I hate this. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Do we have to go back to school? Can't we just stay here?"

"Well, we would miss mum's dinner." Ron tilted his head. "And wouldn't you miss Ginny?"

"Do you two have to be so clever all the time?" He put his cheek down on the cool ground, grass scratching his skin. "You're right, there are things out there worth entering everyday life. A lot of things, actually."

"I'm glad you noticed." The girl smiled at him. "You just need to focus on those things. And we'll be there, you won't have to do it alone."

"No, I suppose you're right. As always." He threw some grass at her. "And I'm very happy to have you there. It will make it all so much easier to endure." They all fell into silence for some time, before he spoke up again. "But what are your plans, Hermione?"

"Oh, I don't really know. Study. Get good marks. Hang out with friends. And when the year is over, a job. I'm thinking something in the Ministry. Settle down, enjoy a relatively normal life, atleast. Hopefully my daily evils are a bit less history-altering than the last few years."

"Sounds like a good plan. I might not have as many studies in my plan, but otherwise, I can imagine something like that for me too." Harry rolled back over on his back and smiled a bit. "Sometimes I get this feeling that maybe the world isn't such a terrible place as I like to believe. For some reason, those feelings always come when I have you around."

Hermione laughed softly. "I would trust that feeling if I were you. And you know, the three of us have been too tight too long. We're not going anywhere."

o O o

It was first night back at Hogwarts, and dinner was over. Much to her surprise, Hermione was summoned to the Headmistress's office as soon as she got back to her dorm, and she quickly obliged.

Hermione looked at the other three summoned to the headmistress' office, standing outside and waiting for McGonagall to let them in. Next to her was Lisa Turpin and Mandy Brocklehurst from Ravenclaw. They were standing together, quietly discussing the reasons to why they have been asked to come. The third person was surprising. Draco Malfoy.

As to why he was there with them... she was just as confused as the Ravenclaws. He was standing at the window, looking out, not aware that he was being watched. Hermione knew she had changed over the last year, and he had too. The blonde boy appeared to have aged more than just a year, looked thin and tired, as if the world was too much for him. His posture was still that of a Malfoy, haughty and proud, but the look in his eyes let on that something was missing. The superiority and self-confidence were gone, replaced with despondence, avoidance and a tiny bit bitterness.

Suddenly, he turned his head and looked at her, and for a couple of seconds, their eyes were locked on each other. His eyes was calm and a bit resigned. They kept looking at each other until he seemed to remember himself. A line appeared between his eyebrows and he turned away.

Draco Malfoy, really. She had known that she would meet him, of course, but she wasn't really prepared for it. As they keep telling themselves, the war was over. But when it came to Malfoy, where did it leave her? Last time she saw him was on the day of the battle. He was afraid. Afraid and angry in the Room of Requirement, afraid and defeated in the Great Hall after it all was over. She thought back a bit more. Easter, Malfoy Manor. Yes, he was definitely afraid. A bitter smile appeared on her lips. Yes, if she ever doubted it, it was now pretty clear. Malfoy was a coward. Then again, for a bully of his kind, it wasn't really that unpredictable.

The door opened, and they made their way inside. Headmistress McGonagall sat behind her desk, but she stood up when they entered.

"Please come inside. There is something we need to discuss." She looked at them one at a time, and for a moment longer at Draco before continuing. "I'm going to get straight to the point here. As you all know there is a lot happening right now, there's still much to repair and rebuild. It takes a lot of time and energy from all those involved. You might have realised that a lot of these people are also teachers here at Hogwarts." There was a pause. "I will not lie and pretend that it's not a problem. I just don't have enough teachers this year. Of course, we have managed to solve it so the students will still have their education, but it will be with some changes. There will be fewer lessons with teachers, and more time studying on your own. This is where you come in." Her eyes travelled over them again. "The younger students especially will need help with their assignments, they need someone to ask when they are unsure about things, someone who can show them when they lack the knowledge or ability. So we plan to have classes where students can go and do their assigned tasks, held by some older students who can step in as teachers. You."

Mandy looked concerned. "But Headmistress, are we going to do this in addition to our ordinary school work?"

"Yes, and that's why I've chosen you. I believe the four of you have the capabilities to finish your own education and help out in the school at the same time." She paused. "You will, of course, get credit for your work, it will be mentioned next to your final marks and you will be presented with a certificate to use for future job applications. But honestly I believe in you, I think you can do it. I wouldn't have asked you otherwise."

"How much of our time are we talking about here?" There was some worry in Hermione's voice. "Will we miss our own classes?"

"I believe it will be around one to two hours a day, it won't take all of your spare time. But I'm afraid that there may be some overlap, to make this work you might have to give up a couple of your own classes." She looked at the three concerned girls and the indifferent boy. "I have full confidence in your skills, you can do this."

"I guess so." The same Ravenclaw girl spoke up again. "And if it's important for the school we can at least try, right?" She looked at the others. The girls nodded, and after a moment's hesitation, the Slytherin bowed his head slightly.

"Very good, I'm glad to get your help." McGonagall paused and something close to a smile could be seen on her face. "Now, you won't be called teachers, instead mentors. Being a mentor does not only mean extra work, it comes with some benefits too. First, you will have no curfew, you are free to move around the castle as you like, when you like. You will also have your own classroom with an office. The office is yours to use as you like. To prepare classes, work on your own studies, or just rest. In addition to that, you can choose to have your meals in that office too, if you need a quiet place or if you want to eat at other times than the meals are served in the Great Hall. And finally, as a treat, you will be offered a day in Diagon Alley on some occasions during the year."

There was a positive murmur from the mentors, and Mandy said "That sounds good. When do we start?"

"Here are your schedules." She handed out two to them each. "It's one with your personal schedule and one with all the classes that you will teach. You'll have to split them up among yourselves as you find it best. The lessons are planned for two mentors at each class. Do you have any questions?" When there was no answer she went on. "Good. If there is anything you want to ask or any problems, just come and see me. Now I'm going to let you plan your classes before bedtime." She looked at them one at a time, and then she nodded. "Thank you for your help. Good night."

o O o

The four mentors gathered in the room McGonagall had assigned them as their office. It was reached by walking through the classroom that was going to be their classroom, and furnished in a simple way. Lisa and Mandy were standing close to each other again, talking in hushed voices. There was no real need for secrecy though, their surreptitious glances at Malfoy told all too well what they were talking about. Hermione sighed to herself and cleared her throat. If they were going to get anywhere someone would have to take charge, and it seemed to be her.

"So, I guess we are all a bit surprised by this assignment, but I believe we can do it. We are, after all, the best minds of the school." She didn't look affected when she said this. It was not bragging, just the truth. Both she and the Ravenclaws sent a look at Malfoy though, no one really thought he was _that_ clever. "We've got schedules from McGonagall, we just have to figure out how we want to organise this." When none of the others said anything she went on. "First we need to know how we should divide us for the lessons. If we're going to have a rotating schedule or if we should pair up."

Mandy said "Pair up." at the same time as Malfoy mumbled "Rotating."

"Hm." Hermione, as well as the other girls, looked at their colleague who opened his mouth for the first time. "I say we have a vote. Turpin, what do you say?"

"I think we should pair up. It's easier to plan and keep order if you are with the same person all the time." Lisa shot a glance at the Slytherin and hurried on. "And I think I and Mandy should pair up, since we're in the same house and will more or less have the same personal schedules."

The Gryffindor girl suppressed another sigh and shot a displeased look at Malfoy. "And I must admit that I believe pairing up is the best too." This time she looked straight at him. "I guess that makes us a pair."

When he looked up at her, their eyes met for a fleeting second. Then he looked away, tightened his lips and mumbled "I guess so." He was standing very straight, his body tense but looking just like his father at his best - perfectly in control. His face was strained though, and you could even see something close to fear in it.

Hermione paused for a second before she carried on. "Well, then that's settled. Now we just have to split up the classes between us. I'd like to miss as few of my own classes as possible, and I suppose you feel the same."

"Should we take out our personal schedules and let's see what we can do?" Mandy pushed a strand of golden blonde hair away from her face. "It's the first night back, I'd like to be done here as soon as possible."

All four of them gathered around one of the tables. Hermione realised with a sting of guilty conscience that Malfoy didn't say that much, and therefore often got the short stick. It was more or less her and Mandy deciding how they wanted it, Lisa trusting her housemate and Malfoy... Well, Malfoy would be missing more of his classes than any of them.

_'He doesn't deserve to be treated fairly, he has never been fair to me.' _The little voice in her whispered. Her thoughts couldn't fully convince her. She knew that he had made things that he should be punished for, but it seemed wrong somehow that it should be this way, all those small things instead of something substantial. While collecting her things and saying goodnight to the others she realised that maybe this was the choice Malfoy preferred, what was the alternative? Bed and Breakfast at Azkaban?

In the middle of the corridor, she came to a halt. Was she feeling _pity_ for _Draco Malfoy?_ She shook her head. _'Mental'_, her boyfriend would have said. An involuntary smile softened her face. Yes, thinking of Ron was much better than thinking of that irritating Slytherin boy.

o O o

Back in the common room things were almost as they used to be, before the war. It was comforting. Walking her way back from their office, Hermione had started to feel something pleasant tickle in her stomach. So much to do, so much to prepare. A bit nervous, of course, but also exciting. She had to admit, she was looking forward to teaching. And honestly, how big difference would it be from being best friends with Ron and Harry? Speaking of, she found them in the best chairs next to the fire.

"Hermione, where have you been?" Ron looked up at her as she closed in on them. "Don't tell me you've been studying, not even you would start reading up the first night back."

Harry sat comfortably leaned back in the big chair, and for once he seemed to be relaxed and satisfied. "I heard something about McGonagall wanting to see you. Please don't tell me you'll be trying to take double lessons again." His smile was warm and not really worried.

"Not quite." She moved a footstool and sat down next to them. Suddenly the excitement bubbled up in her, gave a breathy laugh. "Well, it actually is about more lessons, but I'm not going to take them. I'm gonna give them!" When the two boys just looked at her she sighed, still with a smile on her face. "I'm going to be a teacher."

"But you're no teacher." The red-headed boy frowned. "What will happen to your N.E.W.T.s? You talk about them all the time."

"I won't give up my own studies, of course, but I'm giving others extra help in my spare time; and it's not really a teacher, It's called a mentor." Feeling defensive, she lost her smile. "McGonagall believes in me, and I know that I can do it. You're the one always bragging about your clever girlfriend."

"Ron and I know that you can do it, of course." Harry sat up slowly. "You're the cleverest witch I know, and if anyone can do it it's you."

"I didn't mean that you can't do it, I just... I was just a bit worried that Ms. McGonagall's demanding too much from of you." Her boyfriend smiled affectionately. "You know that you're my favourite girl, and I support you in whatever craziness you'll come up with."

She smiled back at him, reaching out and taking his hand. Looking at the two boys she kept her smile, but inside she was confused. She was sitting here with her best friend and her boyfriend, the two people that meant most in the world to her, so why was she suddenly feeling so lost?

o O o

The first breakfast of the school year was a noisy event. The Great Hall was filled with excited students who were laughing, sharing stories from the summer and waving at friends. Some of them checked their new schedules, and cries of surprise and displeasure could be heard. Reluctantly Hermione admitted that she needed to get hold of Malfoy after breakfast. There hadn't been any time to prepare for their first class, and she wanted to make sure that he was at least mentally prepared. The teaching shouldn't be that hard, but she had a feeling that it would be best to remind him. It would be far too easy for him to 'forget' their appointment, and even though she wasn't really worried, she didn't want to stand in front of her first class alone.

Distracted, she looked along the Slytherin table until she found him. He was eating his breakfast, looking uninterested and self-focused. Next to him was, as always, Pansy Parkinson, chattering in his ear, smiling and making gestures. Even when smiling, she didn't really look nice, more like she was making fun of people and telling mean jokes. Malfoy didn't seem to mind one bit.

Hermione sighed and frowned, she really didn't want to work with him, even though he was more reserved now than earlier. Sure, he was maybe just a coward, doing as he was told during the war, but there was so much more to it. Their time together at Hogwarts wasn't exactly nice. Not to talk about the rivalry between him and Harry. No, she honestly couldn't find anyone in this school she wanted less to work with. Possibly Parkinson, but let's say that it was a draw.

Well, if he got too bad she would just have to hit him again, it worked last time. She smiled an ironic smile to herself. Maybe not in front of the students, they needed to look united on the outside, at least. But honestly, if someone deserved a punch in the face it was Malfoy. Someone tugged at her arm, and she tore her eyes away from the blond boy.

"What are you thinking about? You were far, far away." Ginny Weasley smiled at her, keeping Harry very close on her other side. They didn't seem to need close contact all the time like some other couples, but Hermione suspected that being in the Great Hall again stirred some memories. Unpleasant memories. Memories that make you want to know that your loved ones are close and all fine.

"Oh, nothing really." She shot a last look at the troublesome boy. He had finished his meal and was now staring straight in front of him, seemingly unaware of Parkinson's constant talking. Maybe he was having memories coming back too? He looked sad. He deserved to, the voice whispered. She moved her focus back to Ginny. "There is just so much happening this year. So much has changed." She smiled warmly. "So much is the same, is just the way it's supposed to be."

"Well, this year has one big difference, now I will be in the same class as you three. I like that." She turned to Harry and squeezed his hand, and he looked up from his conversation with Ron. Meeting her eyes he showed one of his rare content faces, the ones that spoke of peace of mind, acceptance and hope of a happy future. He smiled and squeezed her hand in return before turning back to Ron again.

Hermione poured a cup of coffee for herself. Most people drank coffee to get invigorated, she drank coffee to calm down, to focus. It was not often she had coffee for breakfast, but today she felt that she needed it. So much was happening right now, and she needed to steady down a bit. She wrapped her hands around the cup, took a sip and exhaled slowly. She could feel the stress melt away, leaving her with a calmer anticipation and an urge to get things started. Sure, she was nervous to stand in front of all those students. No, she didn't want to work with Malfoy. Yes, she was afraid that she would have forgotten all the things she was supposed to teach. But it didn't feel insurmountable. She could do this, and it would be fun.

Lifting her eyes from the cup her gaze fell on her boyfriend. He was talking animatedly, jam smeared across his cheek and bread crumbs all over his front. An irritated wrinkle formed on her forehead, how old was he, twelve?

"Ron, you've got some jam, there." She tried to sound patient and hide her annoyance, but there was a sharp edge to it.

If he could register her irritation he didn't let it show. "Oh, thanks." He wiped it away with a napkin and smiled honestly at her. "How are you feeling today? Cleverer than ever?"

The irritation was washed away by a wave of warmth, and she remembered all the reasons why this was her boyfriend. She smiled at him, took a sip of the coffee, and then laughed. "I feel really good, thank you. It will be a most stimulating year."

"What is this, is there something I don't know here?" Ginny looked curiously between them. "Do tell me."

"You will see." Hermione smiled secretively at her. "I believe McGonagall will tell you soon."

"Or you can just tell me now? Why is it a secret?"

She winked at Ginny, took another sip of coffee and laughed again. "It's not a secret. It's just-" In that moment McGonagall stood up and asked for silence.

"Good morning all of you. I hope you've had a good night's sleep and are ready to begin your year at Hogwarts. Before we start there are some changes to your studies that need to be explained." The headmistress made a pause. "I take it all of you have received your schedules now, and as you can see you have some free periods as well as some classes without a subject. This is due to the shortage of teachers this year, and instead, there will be classes where you more or less study on your own. However, there will be help available during these scheduled study times. In addition to the teachers, this year we will have four mentors, who will be present instead of teachers in these classes, and they will help you with both practical and theoretical problems. Could the four mentors please stand up?"

The four of them stood up, the sudden centre of attention. Hermione felt a bit self-conscious, but she could see that a lot of people was staring at Malfoy, some even openly pointed at him. It was a bit rude, she thought, but maybe he had to expect those things, being who he was.

"Mandy Brocklehurst, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, and Lisa Turpin will be your mentors this year. In their classes, you can study any subject you want, and get help if you need. They're not ordinary teachers though, and you will not turn to them outside classes. These classes are mandatory for years one to four and for students in year five and up these classes are voluntary. The latter are still expected to do the same amount of studying on their own, but they are free to do it when and where they prefer. They are, of course, welcome in those scheduled classes if that's what they prefer. You will receive more information from the mentors during their classes this week." With a hand, she gesticulated for them to sit down again. "I realise that we put a lot of extra pressure on you students this year by doing it like this, but I am confident it will work out fine." With a small nod, she looked out over the students. "Well, it's almost time for your first classes; I will let you finish your breakfasts and I wish you an instructive day." She sat down, and the volume in the Great Hall increased rapidly.

"Hermione, that's so great!" Ginny beamed at her friend. "I always knew you would be a perfect teacher."

"Well, I'm not really a teacher, I will only help out where I'm needed," she smiled. "But I admit that I'm thankful for the opportunity, it will be a good repetition of all the things we're supposed to remember." Looking a bit satisfied she added, "And it will look good next to my marks." Taking another sip of the now rapidly cooling coffee she let herself enjoy the moment for a second, before looking up at the others again. "And it'll be fun."

"I don't doubt that, teaching has its moments." Harry looked serious again, but there was a proud smile in the corner of his mouth. "And we all know that you are a walking library, you will see, you will take such pleasure in sharing your knowledge. Teaching can be tiresome, but it is rewarding, and I believe you will do a great job."

The new Gryffindor mentor felt a slight blush rise in her face, and she gave her best friend a thankful look. How was it that Harry always knew the right things to say? The things that gave her what she needed in that moment; confidence, encouragement, unconditional support. Remembering something she shot a look at her boyfriend, he was busy balancing a piece of cheese between two crackers. She felt a pinch of annoyance again. Obviously, she wasn't that interesting in his world. Trying to think about something else she turned back to her friends. "There is one downside though. A pretty big one..." She made a dramatic pause. Ron still didn't look her way.

"You will still get your N.E.W.T.s, right? You don't have to take another year or something stupid?" The red-haired girl looked at her in worry.

"I will get my N.E.W.T.s, and the plan is that I will do it this year like everybody else." Her smile disappeared, and she sighed. "No, the big disadvantage with this year is that I'll have to work close together with Malfoy, we will teach in pairs."

"You're kidding!" Harry looked upset. "McGonagall can't place you together with him, that's just absurd." He ran a hand through his hair. "I know, I'll be the first to admit that maybe he has changed and that he might not be evil all through and through. But still, _you_ and _him_ together..."

"Yeah, I know. But there's nothing else to do but try to make the best out of it. So far he hasn't said much, so hopefully, there will be no name-calling at least." She remembered his scared face at the mentors' meeting and got a thoughtful expression. "I don't know, I have a feeling it can work out a lot better than you think at first." Quickly she lifted her hands. "Not to say that I'm satisfied with it though."

Hermione's boyfriend looked down the table at them. "Satisfied with what?"

Harry and Ginny started to talk at the same time.

"McGonagall is going to -"

"- Do they have to pair up —"

"- Draco Malfoy —"

"- I can't believe —"

Ron looked confused. "What is Malfoy going to do? Is this about him being a mentor?"

"Yes. Malfoy and I will be teaching together this year. I'll have to spend a lot of time together with him." She fought down the annoyance again, finally, he had paid attention to her. It was about time. "And I think it's time for me to leave the table, I have to talk to him before classes." She swallowed the last of the cold coffee and stood up. "See the rest of you in Transfiguration."

The Slytherin mentor was still sitting at the table, obviously not eating and just as obviously not listening to Parkinson still babbling on. Hermione tentatively closed in on him until she was straight behind him. When he didn't seem to notice her she tapped him on the shoulder.

"Malfoy, can I- Oh!" The boy jumped and turned around so fast you could barely register it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"What do you want?" His voice was low but clear, he looked right at her but seemed a bit defensive.

"I was just... It's important that we're prepared. For our classes, I mean. I thought... Just checking that you're ready. Maybe we should talk things through?" Hermione cursed herself, why was she acting this way? This was Draco Malfoy, and she was definitely not afraid of him.

"I see. I guess it's a good idea." He stood up and turned briefly to Parkinson, "see you, Pansy." She nodded, looking a little disappointed, and tucked into her breakfast. Leaving the table he made an impatient gesture to Hermione to follow. "Let's get out of here."

They walked side by side out of the Great Hall, the back of her head burned, a lot of eyes were fixed on them.

A couple of students from fifth year passed, murmuring in low voices, but obviously pitched towards Malfoy, by their low stares and curled lips. "I hope I'm not in _his_ class." A girl with brown hair and ponytail turned to her friends, talking just loud enough for it to reach the mentors. Malfoy stiffened, pointedly not reacting.

"No, how will you learn anything from _him_?" The boy who answered shot a nasty look at Malfoy.

While the group was walking up the stairs, one of the other girls turned around and looked at Malfoy with a burning scowl.

Hermione realised that maybe there would be some unforeseen problems with this mentoring system.


	2. Study sessions

**Chapter 2 - Study sessions**

It was late afternoon, and Hermione was about to have her first class as a mentor. She and Malfoy were standing in their classroom, spared by the Battle of Hogwarts, waiting for the students. They hadn't missed any of their own classes, since Mandy and Lisa had taken the earlier mentor class.

"So, are you prepared?" Hermione's nervousness made her long for small talk.

"Yes."He kept staring out the window.

"Are you nervous?"

"No."

"Do you know what to say?"

"No."

Annoyance aside, the girl couldn't help smiling a bit. "You know, if you're going to help the students, you might have to find out how to talk."

He turned away from the window and faced her. "I can assure you that I possess the ability to talk. I'm just aware that talking gives you attention. And _all_ attention, good or bad, is bad attention if you are me, so I prefer not to talk." His eyes were serious but tired, and he put all focus on her.

"I... I didn't think about it that way." Oh no, there came the stuttering again. Those eyes made her very unsure and confused. "So, you're going to help me with the introduction?"

"No, I think it's better if you do the talking. We are here to help after all, and I believe most students wouldn't listen to a word I say." He turned to the window again, and silence fell.

A couple of minutes later the first students started to enter the room, finding places to sit. When it seemed like most had arrived, Hermione welcomed them and presented herself and Malfoy. She could hear sounds of displeasure and contempt when she said his name, as well as a few glares, but she decided not to give it any attention. She explained how the mentor system worked, that the both of them would help with any answers or demonstrations needed.

The students started to work, but she soon realised something strange. All students who wanted help pulled back their arms when Malfoy came close, and raised them again when he had walked past. With the exception for a small Slytherin boy he hadn't helped anyone, she was doing all the work. Then she heard some of the older students whisper to each other, and what she heard was not flattering for Malfoy. Suddenly the slowly building irritation flipped over and turned to flaming anger instead.

She walked up to the front of the class."Excuse me, can I have your attention for a bit?" Taking a deep breath, she tried to stay calm and not let the anger out. "I can't help but notice that we're not using our resources optimally here. You are just using half of the help you're entitled to. I can assure you that Malfoy here knows just as much as I do, and it is a good idea to ask him for help." She held out an arm in a gesture to make him come over to her.

"And what if we don't want to accept help from someone like him?" One of the boys who was whispering earlier crossed his arms in front of him.

"That would be an unwise attitude. You are here to get through school, we are here to help." She noticed that Malfoy had walked over to her, and was standing a bit away. His face was empty, and his eyes were hard.

"But he's disgusting. He should have been killed with the other Death Eaters." The boy let his balled up fists fall down on the desk.

"That's quite enough!" She could feel her anger surface. "I don't want to hear anything else like that. In this school we are students, in Azkaban there are criminals. Please note the difference. You can be sure that the ones in charge made the right decisions about who should be where. Now we're going to go back to our books, and you're going to show some maturity and stop this stupid behaviour. This class is led by two mentors, we'll do the same amount of work, and you just have to accept it." The students were all staring at her, sitting perfectly still. "Honestly, he's not going to bite. Give him a chance."

It took a short while after she left the front before the students started to unfreeze, and for a long time there were no one asking for help at all, but eventually the arms came back. And Hermione could with some satisfaction notice that some of the students actually asked Malfoy for help.

When the class was over, and the students had left they put the classroom back in order. Neither of them spoke until they were ready to go.

"Granger," his face was closed and serious, but his eyes curious, "Why did you do it?"

"Why did I do what?" Hermione stopped and turned to him.

"Stand up for me."

"Maybe I just didn't want to do it all on my own?"

"No, I don't believe that. You could just have gone to McGonagall and told her that I was useless and you wanted another partner." He shook his head.

"I don't know. I don't like it when people are treated unfairly." Her lips became a thin line. "Ironic when it comes to you and me. That I am the one defending you. How does it feel to be on the other side of the bullying fence?"

"I have no idea how to answer that." He looked down on the book in his arms.

"No, I don't know why I said the things I did." The Gryffindor girl went to the door, but with the hand on the doorknob, she turned around. Torn, confused and a little irritated at herself she realised something. "But I did mean them."

o O o

A golden autumn Saturday morning was glowing outside the windows. The sky was blue, and the sun glittered with droplets everywhere, which told that it had been frost during the night. It was a perfect day to be outside and enjoy your free time. Hermione had been up early and could now be found huddled up in one of the big armchairs in the common room with a big book in her lap. She had planned to finish this chapter before the boys came down for breakfast, but kept looking outside instead. Too bad the day was filled with studies.

With a sigh, she returned to her book, and read for ten more minutes before her thoughts shattered again. More students were entering the common room, but she didn't seem to notice. When Harry and Ron came down the stairs, her mind was far away, and she was staring out the window with a small smile on her face.

"Good morning, Hermione." Harry looked like he had just woken up, but a warm smile spread across his face. "The rest of us do this thing called sleeping every now and then, you haven't thought about trying that?"

"Very funny." She smiled back. "I actually measure that I get exactly the right amount of sleep. As little I can get not to waste any time, but enough to optimise my learning." The book was placed on the table when she stood up. "Actually, I've read that if you sleep too much-"

"Please, no lessons this early." If Harry looked like he just woke up, Ron was looking like he was more or less still asleep. "We all know you're a teacher, let us please have some breakfast before you have to prove it."

"Sorry." Hermione looked more irritated than sorry. "I don't understand why you're up at all, you look like you need to sleep for a couple of hours more."

"I always need to sleep for a couple of hours more, but Harry insisted that we should get up in time. Now I'm up though, so what about breakfast?" A glimmer of energy could be seen in his eyes.

She sighed. "Well, I'm here and not in the mentor's room because I thought I should have breakfast with you. I know that I've been eating there most mornings lately, so now when it's a free day I felt like spending some quality time with you two."

"That would be nice." Ron managed to present a sleepy smile. "Honestly Hermione, we hardly ever see you nowadays. We have classes together, but apart from that you're always busy. You don't even do your homework with us any more."

Hermione felt irritation rising again, but also a sting of guilt. She hadn't spent much time together with her best friends lately, and she knew it. But how could she tell them that doing their homework together held her back? That she spent a lot of her valuable time on explaining basic things to them and never could get answers to her own questions. On the other hand, how did they do on their homework when she wasn't there to help? Suddenly she felt slightly ashamed, maybe she was selfish? But with the all-important N.E.W.T.s coming up and all the teaching she had to do... There just wasn't enough time.

She looked at her boys. Her boyfriend, always there for her. Loving her. She was lucky to have him. Harry had lost his smile and was now staring out the window, that haunted look back in his eyes. But she knew he could smile. That smile that made her relax and know that somehow everything would be all right. What was more important, her N.E.W.T.s or her friends? Knowing she was supposed to pick the later, without even a little hesitation, she felt a little annoyance. Couldn't they understand her situation, and give her some support?

"Oh." Harry turned back into the room. "Do you mind if we wait for Ginny too? Or do you want it to be just the three of us?"

"Of course we can wait for her. She's my friend too, you know." Picking up her book, she started off to her dormitory. "I'm just going to leave this, I'll check if Ginny is awake."

Walking to her dormitory, she thought about her friends. Ron was so tiresome nowadays. As his girlfriend she should have a little more patience with him, but whatever he said or did it seemed to wake that irritation in her all the time. She loved him, he loved her, shouldn't it be some implicit understanding between them then? Sighing, she put her book on the bedside table. Harry didn't seem to get irritated at Ron like she did.

Yeah, Harry... He was always difficult, you never knew what mood he would be in. Sometimes it was good, and sometimes the world was broken and evil and bent on making life miserable for him. But she never got irritated at him. Maybe because he had reasons to be depressed after what he had been put through, and she was going to do everything to show him her support. After all, he was there for her all the time. Harry was a wonderful person. A wonderful friend.

Her line of thought was interrupted when she found Ginny, dressed and ready for breakfast. They met the boys in the Common Room, and the four of them headed for the Great Hall together.

They sat down at the table and Ginny looked around at the others. "So, what are your plans for today?"

"I was planning to-" Hermione was interrupted by her boyfriend

"Study." He looked resigned and served himself some tea. "None of us have any problems guessing your favourite free time activities."

"I was thinking," Harry inserted quickly. "That today is a wonderful day for flying."

"Yes!" The red-haired girl looked enthusiastic. "We can borrow some of the school's brooms. Oh, let's be quick with breakfast, that's a wonderful idea! I haven't flown for ages."

"Yeah, that's a good idea." Ron nodded. "What do you say, Hermione?"

"Oh, you know, flying is not for me. But don't worry about me, I have loads to do. I'll just go to the mentors' office, get some stuff down there, hopefully, before lunch."

"Well, I'm filled with good ideas today." Harry nodded. "And I suggest you take your books with you to the Quidditch pitch. That way you still be almost with us, you will get some sun and fresh air, and you can study."

"That's actually a good idea, I can use some air. She smiled. "I'll be getting my books directly after breakfast. I agree with Ginny, let's be quick with this!"

o O o

When they reached the Quidditch pitch, the sun had risen and was shining on the western stands. Hermione parted from the others and went for the sunlit benches. She sat there and enjoyed the sun, listening to the shouts and laughter as her friends kicked off the ground and spiralled up in the crisp autumn air. After looking at them soaring around for some time, she sighed and smiled to herself, lifting the first of the books she brought. She could just as well get some reading done. She had managed to perform a good transfiguration yesterday, but she wanted to read up on a bit of background material to refine her skills. Soon she was immersed in her book, checking on the other Gryffindors every now and then.

After a while, she was done with her Transfiguration. When she looked up to change books, she realised that she wasn't alone in the stands any more. A well-known blond boy was sitting a couple of bench rows below and to the right of her. She opened the Potions book with a frown and started to read up on the Wednesday's lesson. It was hopeless to concentrate though, she kept looking up at the vexation in front of her. They had had a lot of classes together now, and even if they never talked much, there was some fragile ceasefire between them, some delicate type of trust.

The students eventually got used to having him there, and now most of them asked him for help just as much as Hermione. She definitely didn't like him, but they were colleagues after all. Finally, she shut her book and gave up. She stared at the brooms still swooping high in the sky for a couple of minutes, trying not to look. Soon, the itch got too strong, and she followed a reasonless impulse and climbed down the benches.

"Can I sit here?" She indicated at the seat next to Malfoy. The boy looked at her in surprise, his eyes filled with guarded emotion.

"I guess." He observed her carefully.

"Watching the flyers too?" When there was no answer, she went on. "Don't you like to fly? Why don't you take a broom and fly too? It's a wonderful air today."

"Why aren't you up there with your friends yourself?"

"Oh, I'm rubbish at flying. And honestly, I don't really like it. I prefer to have my feet on the ground." She shaded her eyes with a hand and looked up at her friends. The sun had climbed up a bit and was now mostly right behind them. There was some silence while she watched them fly, and he was glancing at her with an incredulous face.

"I don't know, I guess I haven't even thought about it. Just to take a broom and fly. It seems like it's something from another lifetime." A line appeared between his brows, and he turned his attention to the flyers instead. "It feels like a game for kids." There was a short pause, and when he spoke again some bitterness had crept into his voice. " We aren't kids any more."

Hermione tilted her head and looked at him. "No," she agreed, leaving a beat of silence, "then again, no one can claim that Harry is a kid any more, but he's still up there flying. Enjoying it." She shook her head. "There is no reason why you shouldn't be out there too."

"Maybe there is, maybe there isn't."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed. "I told you I don't want any attention. And, well, I feel..." His voice died.

"Yes?"

Slowly he turned his head and looked at her, estimating. Then he turned away again and stared at the bench below. "I feel like I don't deserve to have fun."

There was silence for long time, none of them said anything, not even looked at each other.

Hermione spoke up hesitantly. "I must admit that a lot of people agree with you in that statement. But I've talked to Harry a lot about the war, and more precisely about how to go on and get yourself a new life. Because that's what we need to do, our old ones are over and in the past, and they will never come back. I believe that you might need to create a new life for yourself too, and honestly, clinging to those kind of thoughts will not make it a good life." Malfoy turned and looked at her intently, but did not say anything. After some time they both turned their attention to the laughing Gryffindors in the air.

"This is kind of absurd." Hermione shook her head and looked at the Slytherin. "Do you think anyone would ever believe us if we told?"

"Told what?"

"You and me, sitting here and having a civilised discussion. People will think we have gone insane." She couldn't help smiling.

"Maybe we have." And then, slowly and hesitantly, he smiled back.

o O o

It was soon one of the late afternoon classes for the mentors again, and Hermione was worried. She had missed a class in Arithmancy, and after trying to catch it up she had to admit that she didn't fully follow. She didn't want to mentor a class of tired students, she wanted to sit down with her books until she understood the part that eluded her. For a moment she played with the thought of asking Malfoy to take care of the class on his own, and she sent him a long, questioning look.

"What?" He looked back at her. They hadn't really talked since they met at the Quidditch pitch, just a few words regarding their classes.

"No, nothing."

There was a pause, and then he spoke hesitantly. "You look upset."

"It's just school work. I missed my Arithmancy class, and now I can't understand the textbook. It's nothing important, just me being stupid."

"Oh, I see." Silence fell between them again, until he started to talk uncertainty. "You know..."

She looked up at him, questioning.

"I could help you if you like. Since I take Arithmancy too." An almost surprised face met her as if he just heard the words coming out of his mouth.

"Yes... I suppose that would be good." Hermione stared at him. Something inside her forcibly objected to accepting any help from Malfoy, but it was overridden by the fear of missing some part of her education.

"After this class? Or it maybe will be too late..." He still looked like he didn't believe what he was hearing himself say.

"No, it will be fine. I will just get my books after class, and then we can meet in the office?"

The first students started to arrive, and he nodded once at her, then turning his attention to the students.

Hermione went through the class with an indescribable feeling in her stomach. Draco Malfoy was going to help her with her studies. It was just crazy. She didn't even like him. But maybe it was worth it, she had to admit that she needed the help. And even if she could have asked someone else, she would most definitely get better help from someone like Malfoy. The doubt was swirling inside her, and when she met his eyes, she could see the same uncertainty in them. The minutes went so slowly, but finally class was over. She turned to him, a bit nervous. What if she had misunderstood it all?

"So, I just get my books then?" She watched him carefully.

"Yes, do that. I'll wait in the office."

"I'll be right back." With a forced smile, she hurried out through the door and headed for Gryffindor Tower. She managed to sneak in without detection, but on the way out she got spotted by Ron.

"Hey, Hermione, come over and sit here." There was a group of their friends gathered around a small table. "You don't have to study any more today, do you know what time it is?"

"Yes, I have to." She snapped at him, irritated over being caught and the fact that he believed that he could make those decisions for her. "Some of us actually care about our N.E.W.T.'s." Seeing his hurt face she regretted her words at once, cursing herself for being so easily provoked. She smiled to try and take the edge out of her words. "I missed Arithmancy today, and I want to catch up as soon as possible."

"But Ginny takes Arithmancy too, she can help you." He turned to his sister. "You can, can't you?"

"Of course I can, we can do it at once if you like." Ginny started to stand up.

"No. No, it's not... you don't..." She really didn't want to admit that she had planned a study session with Malfoy. Maybe it would be better to accept Ginny's offer, but... he was down there, waiting for her. She couldn't just not show up, Malfoy or not. "I prefer to do it on my own." The lie slipped off her tongue easily enough. "Maybe another day?"

"Sure, just let me know." She sat back down next to Harry who put an arm around her. Hermione stared at their backs for a second. Ginny never seemed to get irritated at Harry, at least not as often as Hermione at Ron. What was wrong with her? Then she remembered Malfoy, and without a word, she turned and went for the door.

Back in the empty classroom, she slowed down. What was she doing? Heading for a study session with the boy who called her Mudblood? But thinking about Malfoy's behaviour lately, she didn't find it likely that there would be any name-calling.

She opened the door to the office and stepped inside. Malfoy was sitting at a table, reading a big book. When she entered he put a bookmark in the book and closed it. He pushed it away and gestured for her to have the chair next to him. Without a word she sat down and put her Arithmancy book on the table.

"You've read the part in the book?" He stared at the book as if waiting for it to give the answer, not her.

"Yes. I know what I'm supposed to understand, I just... don't." Pressing her lips to a tight line she seriously doubted if this was a good idea. Was she sitting here admitting her shortcomings to the one she hated most in the school?

"Good. Then we have two alternatives. Either I explain it all from the beginning, giving you the whole picture, or you tell me of the specific places where you have troubles, and we'll try to solve it there." He seemed composed, as if teaching calmed him down.

Hermione looked at him, thinking. "I think we should focus on the specific problems I have." Did she actually hate him? It was hard to admit, but somewhere between mentor's business and the Quidditch pitch, the hate seemed to have been lost. He wouldn't be her best buddy any time soon, but this new, quiet Malfoy... no. She didn't hate him.

"Okay, let's get going then. Where is the first part where you got stuck?"

They bowed their heads over her book, and soon they had started to straighten out the mysteries of Arithmancy. Malfoy's explaining soon turned into discussions. How to use the hypothesis in another context, questions about the background, and theories of similar applications. Somewhere in the middle of an intense discussion, Hermione realised that she hadn't had this much fun in a very long time, and she had totally forgotten who she was talking to. She smiled and dived back into the arguments again. After a good amount of time the discussion faded, and they were sitting turned to each other next to the table. Hermione was playing with a quill, and Malfoy thumbed through the Arithmancy book.

"What will you do after your year here is done?" She put down the quill and looked at him.

"I'm not sure. But I do know that I don't want to be the Malfoy heir and just live off the family fortune." The book was shut with a bang, and there was clear bitterness in his face. "I'd like to get a job in the ministry, but I'm not sure that it will be that easy."

"Why not? You are really smart and I believe you will get good marks. Not to talk about the certification we will get for our job with the students." Distractedly she took up the quill and started to play with it again.

"Obviously you have forgotten who I am. Marks won't take you far in this country when you're a Malfoy."

"No, maybe not." There was an uncertain note in her voice. "I have to admit, your family..." She bit her lip. "I guess we're back at the concept of starting a new life again. To leave the past behind and start all over, the way you want it."

He snorted. "And who do you believe would think I deserved a new life?"

"You just have to use this year to prove that you do."

"No." A bitter laugh escaped him. "I don't think that it would be that easy. Do _you_ think I deserve a new life, that all I did should just be forgiven and forgotten?"

"Oh." Now, this was an uncomfortable question.

"Yeah, I thought so." His smile was bitter and as sharp as a blade.

The thoughts swirled in her head. "I will be honest with you. We have a lot of bad blood between us, and not only the war, even if that's the important part here. I've been thinking about it, and I believe that I understand your reasons for acting the way you did during the war. And let's not forget you did some good things too. But all the bad things you did, it's hard to forget. I'd like to think I am the kind of person who can forgive though."

He looked at her in incredulity. "I believe that is more than most of the people would say. And I sure didn't expect it from you."

"Blame it on my fixed idea about a new life. If I'm supposed to start over, I can't cling to old disagreements." She tilted her head. "And I have to admit, you have been much nicer lately than earlier years. In my opinion, of course."

"I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not. When actively not doing anything makes you a better person in others eyes..."

"I didn't mean it like that..." The room fell quiet until Hermione broke the silence. "You'll have to see it as halfway there."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, we both know, excuse me for saying it, that you have done a lot of bad things over the years. Now you seem to have stopped doing bad things, at least as far as I see. All that is left is that start doing good things."

Malfoy snorted again. "Things are that black and white in your world, are they? Some actions are bad and some are good, nothing in between? I'm still a Slytherin, does that make me bad by default? Because you can't say being Slytherin is a good thing. Not nowadays at least."

"No, of course, there are shades in between. But there's not much you can do about being Slytherin, even if you probably would be more popular as Gryffindor."

"I don't think I should set my goals on being popular. I'm pretty satisfied with being accepted. Merlin knows even that would be hard." The sigh was equally hopeless and bitter

"But that's not a bad goal. Maybe you won't be accepted by everyone, but the more, the better." She put the quill down on the table. "I don't think it's impossible. Look how far you've come already."

The look he gave her was sceptical. "You believe I've gotten somewhere?"

"Yes. Honestly, open your eyes. You and me, sitting together late at night, having a serious discussion after finishing a rewarding study session. Would you ever have believed that when you sat on the Hogwarts Express at the start of term?"

He stared at her. "No. Actually I still don't believe it. Why in Merlin's name are you nice to me after all I've done to you?"

"I don't know. Maybe because you're not that bad when you get rid of that disdainful attitude. I didn't expect that. And maybe because you started it. You were nice to me and offered me your help. I sure didn't see that coming when I sat on the Hogwarts Express."

"When good deeds have instant rewards, right?" His dispirited face broke up in an ironic smile.

"Yeah, something like that." She smiled back at him, actually feeling some compassion. It was not really expected. "There is something else I think you should do."

"Oh?" His expression was watchful.

"I think you should fly. Both because you like it, which is a good way to start a new life, but also to show others, and most importantly, yourself that you deserve it." This was very strange. Was she sitting here and giving Draco Malfoy moral support? Parts of her still screamed that this was very, very wrong, but she decided not to listen. There was something with his open honesty that appealed to her, and something about his fragile hopelessness that woke her sympathy.

"No. I can't do that. It will be... I don't fly any more." His face closed.

"And I think you should. Why not enter in the seventh years' Quidditch competition first week in November? I'm sure your house would like it if you entered, you've been a good player here in school."

"I don't know..." He seemed to get lost in thoughts.

Before her inner voice had time to react she reached out and took Malfoy's hand. "Yes. Do it."

Malfoy stared at her hand, and she hurried to take it away. Slowly he looked up at her with narrowed eyes. "You realise that I most likely will be flying against Potter then?"

"That's true. Is that a problem?"

"Well, it will be just like in old times. I don't know if it's wise to stir those memories again." There's another deep sigh. "Right now I can admit that I wasn't maybe the optimal school-mate. I guess I was behaving badly..." There's a small, impish grin. "But it was fun." The grin disappeared. "Sorry."

"As long as you don't fall into old habits I believe it will be alright. It's just a game, for fun."

"If I'm going to be truthful, it would be nice to fly again. I wish-" Suddenly he jumped up from the chair and stared angrily at her. "What is it, a spell? Did you slip me a potion?"

"Wh...what? What did I do?" There was confusion written all over her.

"I mean, you have a reputation for being uncannily clever. So how did you do it?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"How come I'm suddenly all honest with you? Hermione Granger, the girl who hates me more than any other girl in the castle. It doesn't make sense." His anger started to subside and gave place to bewilderment.

"No, it doesn't. I've been worrying that you're trying to set me up in some way, you have been too nice. On the other hand, I've been far too nice too. As you said, it doesn't make sense."

Hesitantly he sat down again. "Do you think someone is setting us up? This is not natural."

"I think..." She started playing with the quill again. "That maybe that's just what it is. Natural. We both needed someone to talk to, and we ended up in the same place. I still have very mixed feelings about you, but I don't think I hate you any more. But you've always detested me. Do you still?"

He looked intently at her for some time. "No... I don't know how I should put it. I mean, you're still not pure-blood, not even half-blood, that can't be denied. But it just doesn't feel like it's as important any more, after all of it."

"That's good, I guess."

"I don't know you. I've never been interested in knowing you. And I'm not saying that I am. Just... I had no idea how it would be to have a serious discussion with you. I never imagined that we would have something in common." A hand covered his face for a second. "This suddenly got very complicated."

"Let's make it simple then. We work together as mentors, we studied a night together, we added some talking to that. It doesn't have to be more than that." She tilted her head. "What do you say?"

"When you say it like that it seems less complicated. I'll buy it." A good part of his sigh was relife. "I guess we're done here for tonight?"

"Yeah, I guess we are." The quill was placed on top of the book. "At least we've done what we came here for." She picked up the book and stood up.

"Yes." His face had turned a tiny bit curious when he looked at her.

"Well, good night then." When she reached the door, she turned around. "I've learned a lot. Thank you."

"Good night, Granger."


	3. Next to you

**Chapter 3 – Next to you**

It was Tuesday before lunch, and both Hermione and the Ravenclaw mentors had a free period.

Hermione was sitting in the mentors' office with her books, hoping to get some of her homework done. She had deviated from her principles and asked one of the elves for some extra coffee. She was slightly worried by the fact that she had felt the need for coffee much more often lately. But she was so stressed all the time, and coffee was so heavenly in the way it calmed her down. An addiction was the last thing she needed right now. But really, it was just a couple of cups, it couldn't be that bad? She took a sip of the coffee and decided that she needed this, and therefore there was no need to worry. In the back of her mind she knew that her logic was flawed, but she quickly put a lid on those thoughts.

Mandy sat at another table, immersed in her books. She had turned the elf's offer down when he asked if she wanted coffee too. Or tea. Or juice. Or maybe some biscuits. Or an apple. Finally she had firmly insisted that she didn't want anything to eat or drink, just to be left alone with her books. Now Hermione sat in silence with her coffee and distractedly looked at the other girl, trying to focus enough to start with her own books. Slowly she picked out her book in Ancient Runes and began to read.

Her thoughts couldn't seem to stay there though, she kept sliding away from the homework problems to her own, personal ones. She thought about Ron. About the two of them, their communication, the time they spent together. He was still a bit cross over the fact that she didn't do her homework with them, but she had decided that she needed her time if she wanted to keep up to speed with her studies next to the teaching. They just had to understand that. But Ron didn't, of course. Did he really know so much about her? They were a couple, they loved each other. They should have this bubble of respect and understanding, fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. But honestly, they didn't. What did they really have in common? Well, they had been in a war together. Fought side by side, a long, hard and dangerous fight.

Those things made people close to each other. But in that aspect she had Harry too, and... Well, Ron wasn't there all the time. It turned out he wasn't there fighting for the bigger picture, he was just tagging along. When it got tough, he put himself and his feelings first, and left them.

Yes, he came back, he changed his mind and showed that he wanted to be a part of it. But the pain of being abandoned still stung. She had forgiven him of course, but it was harder to forget.

Shaking her head, she tried to focus on her books. Her books. Her studies. When had Ron ever felt the joy of a new book? He never enjoyed the thrill of a new topic in Transfiguration, the urge to brew a perfect potion or even shown a _shadow_ of interest in theoretical Arithmancy. She loved to learn and understand her homework. He wanted to get it done as fast as he could, with as little effort as possible. How many times had she finished his homework? Checked it for errors and given him the right answers. Suddenly it felt really good to sit down in the office instead of together with them, instead be able to focus on her own studies. And talking about focusing... With a burst of effort, she returned to her books.

She managed to give it ten minutes before her thoughts started to wander again. She was almost a teacher. She had never thought about teaching as a profession. Maybe it could be fun? But no, she was pretty sure she knew where she wanted to be. If she wanted to make a difference the Ministry was the place to be. She had been looking at the department for Magical Law Enforcement, but she believed that Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures was the place for her. And if she could only get her N.E.W.T.s in order she believed that she had a pretty good chance. Yes, she knew what she wanted and was prepared to work for it. Ron, on the other hand... he didn't know what he wanted. Harry had known for a long time now that he wanted to be an auror, and had been taking the classes he needed. Ron had just been stumbling behind him, nodding and taking the same courses. _'If Harry is going to be an auror I can just as well be one too,'_ Type of thoughts. Of course, he wanted to be big and powerful, but he had no real ambitions. He was taking everything as it came, satisfied with what he had and had in reach. With a pang, she realised that this was one of the traits she used to love him for. Now all she could see was how different they were.

"Hey, Hermione, can I borrow your ink? I forgot mine in the tower." Mandy woke her up from her thoughts.

"Sure." She walked over to the other girl with the ink, happy to move a little. Sitting still was hard today. "Here you are. What are you studying now?"

"Honestly, I'm taking a break." The blonde girl smiled a little guiltily. "I thought I should write a letter to my mother. I have been getting a lot done actually, so I believe I deserve an intermission."

"That sounds like a good idea. I guess I should get back to the books." Turning around from Mandy she didn't go back to her own table, but walked over to the window. It was grey outside. The clouds were dark and threatened rain any minute now, and the wind made the trees thrash and bow. She was happy she was inside, but the weather affected her mood. She remembered when she first came to this castle, filled with expectations and excitement. And so devastated when she realised that the circle was just starting over. Everyone teasing her, making fun of her. Still, no one who wanted to be friends with the swot. She leaned her forehead against the window, thinking that she sometimes felt just like that eleven years old girl again. Ron would never understand it, of course. He would look confused and object that she had him now. Never realise how it felt to be left outside, alone and hurting, longing to fit in. He had always had his family, and he had always made new friends easily.

She sighed and went back to her table. Opening the book she looked at the page, but the letters just keep floating around. She needed to finish her line of thought, because there was something here that she needed to understand. She and Ron was a happy couple. They had been best friends for so long, and they knew each other inside out. Ron knew her, loved her, but did he really understood how it was to be Hermione? The more she thought about it the answer leant more and more towards no. Honestly, they were very much different from each other, and she started to doubt how much she understood about being Ron. Maybe their relationship wasn't as perfect and happy as people liked to believe. And then an insight made its way into her mind. The issue wasn't that they were different. It was that she felt that it was a problem. She stared into space for some time, feeling the comprehension sink in. Then she picked up the book and with a new calm she started to read.

o O o

It was after their Potions class, and Hermione was almost done cleaning up after a successful brewing of a particularly tricky potion when Harry came over to her.

"Hey, how did it go?" He leaned against her table.

"I can't complain."

"Which means you got a perfect result." The corner of his mouth was twitching.

"Yeah..." She felt her own lips start to twitch. "Pretty much so. How about you?"

"I managed. That is, I succeeded in making the potion, but it was a bit too watery. I passed, but not more than that." With a shrug of his shoulders he stood up again. "Do you have some time free now?"

"Yes, I can make some, why?" A bit hesitant, she picked up her books and they walked out of the classroom.

"I just thought that we could talk. We haven't had time for that for ages."

"Sure." She felt herself getting warm inside. "Where do you want to go?"

"I suppose we could go to the common room, but we won't be undisturbed there." He scratched a stain on his Potions' book.

"No, there won't be just the two of us then. Why don't we sit up there?" She pointed at a window. It was big and had a deep windowsill. "There's enough room for both of us."

"Good idea." He climbed up in the window, putting his books next to him. After putting her books on top of his, she moved up in the other corner.

Hermione looked at her friend. He was relaxed today, not having the haunted look. It was promising. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"I don't know." He tilted his head. "You maybe?"

"What about me?"

"It's so rare to see you these days. I have no idea how you are, how you feel, if you are happy or if you're just working yourself to the brink of insanity in typical fashion."

"I'm good, honestly. It's... a lot to do, but I'm enjoying it, so it doesn't seem so heavy." An escaped strand of hair got tucked back behind her ear.

"We miss you. Ron misses you." Harry looked serious. "He'll stop trying to get you to stay with us soon." There was a small smile. "I don't mean to accuse you, but I thought you should know. That maybe you've been in too much of a hurry to realise that he keeps reaching out to you, and gets very little back."

Hermione bit her lip and looked down. After a couple of seconds she looked up and sighed. "I know. I know that I don't give him enough attention. But I'm so busy all the time, and he doesn't seem to understand it."

"He won't understand it if you don't tell him, you know how Ron is. Tell him. Tell him that you are busy, but that your feelings are still the same." When she didn't answer, he looked closely at her. "If they are the same."

"Of course they are. I love him and he loves me, we just have to remember that when I get all stressed. Both him and I. Because of course, I love him. I do," she said with emphasis.

There was a short laugh. "It's not me you have to convince, it's Ron. If you say so, I believe you." He gave her an understanding smile. "I just don't want things to turn bad only because you two don't communicate."

"I'll talk to him, I promise." While returning the smile she tilted her head. "What about you? Everything good with you and Ginny?"

"Yes, everything is great. Sometimes I wish for some more private time, but it's actually just my fault for not taking it. It's just, between sharing classes, sharing the common room and spending free time together there is not much time left." He laughed. "Obviously we have the opposite problem than you two."

"I'm afraid that I and Ron have greater problems. I honestly don't think the two of you actually have a _problem_. As you said, if it was a problem you should have done something about it." There was a deep sigh. "Yes, I have to talk with him. I hope he'll be understanding, we are pretty different when it comes to studies and marks."

"It will turn out fine. You'll figure it out." He put a hand on her arm. "But what about you? How are you holding up with all this stress?"

"I am a bit stressed sometimes, that's true, but it's all rewarding. It's honestly quite nice when the most stressful thing is late Transfiguration homework, and not a giant snake or a desperate monster in pink." Her hand got placed on top of his. "I have a lot to do, but it is because I choose to have it that way. I study more than ever, and I admit that I've started to drink a lot of coffee, but I'm all right. I promise."

"That's good to hear. I have been a bit worried, I remember the Time-Turner." He leaned back in the corner. "So what about this extra teaching business? Are you having fun?"

"Yes, you were right, it is fun. The feeling when you see comprehension rise in a student's eyes, it's really good." Distractedly she scratched herself on the arm. "I actually played with the thought of becoming a teacher after the N.E.W.T.s, but I believe I'll do better in other places."

"Like the Ministry."

"Yes." They smiled at each other. "I will still have you close if I get a job in there, that's a big advantage."

"It is. It would be nice if we ended up there all three of us." He turned serious. "But I've been meaning to ask you something for a long time, and never gotten around to do it. Draco Malfoy. How are you coping with him?"

"It's not so bad you know."

"You're kidding me?" Disbelief was written all over his face.

"No. He is a good teacher, and we don't talk that much during the classes. I don't threaten to hit him in the face, and he doesn't look at me as if I'm lesser than dirt. It works pretty well actually."

"So you mean that you and that worthless git really get along? Just like that?" His eyes narrowed. "What are you not telling me? Do I want to know?"

"It's nothing, we just... Well, we studied together the other night. And it went really well."

Harry just stared at her before remembering how to speak. "Studying together as in sitting in the same room?"

"No, actually he helped me with my homework." For some reason, she could feel a blush starting to rise, as if it should be shameful to accept help from another mentor.

"OK, now you are scaring me. Malfoy was _helping_ you? And not misleading you I take it?"

"Yes, he was. Helping me, that is. And believe it or not, but he was even nice." Starting to feel defensive she could hear the edge in her words.

"I... If you were anybody else, I would call you a liar. Because that's just absurd."

She gave an involuntary smile. "That's about what we said too."

"Hermione, I'm worried about you. He can't be trusted, you know that, and anyway you don't want to get involved with someone like him. Be cautious." Harry looked really serious, surveying her face.

This time the irritation was of another kind. It made her feel defensive and a bit angry. "You don't know that. You don't know him. And I'm not going to avoid some people because of what others think about them. I stood at your side in fifth year when most wizards and witches believed you were a liar, didn't I?"

"And now you are going to stand at Draco Malfoy's side?" He looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but he finally chose the former.

Hermione felt the irritation melt away at his laugh, and she couldn't help laughing too, it was all just so unbelievably absurd. "No, I'm not going to stand at his side. But I'm just saying that maybe he's not as bad as he was."

"I have a hard time believing that, but let's just leave it." The smile was still there.

"Just one thing." She bit her lip. "Would you please not talk to people about this? I don't want to fight everyone in this castle just because I accepted help from the school pariah."

"I can imagine what Ron would say if he found out that you would rather study with Malfoy than with him."

She shivered. "No, don't tell him that, please. It's just unnecessarily hurting him."

"I won't, don't worry. Of course I won't." With a jump he went down from the windowsill. "The window's nice, but cold. Let's go to the common room instead."

Hermione followed him, and together they walked through the castle. One thing kept spinning in her head though, the part about her preferring to study with Malfoy rather than with Ron. It was a bad thing to say, and she didn't like it. Because it was true.

o O o

Deciding that it was no use postponing the talk with Ron, she went to look for him that night. When she found him he was doing homework in the common room with Harry, and she didn't really felt like interrupting, but Harry saw her and waved at her to come over. Slowly she sat down next to Ron, she didn't really feel like correcting their homework, that was not why she had taken a pause in her studies.

"Oh, Hermione, please tell me you're coming for a break." Ron looked tired. "Because I really don't want to read more now."

"I don't know, I don't want to interrupt when you are studying."

"But I do want you to. Please listen to me for once." A tired smile met her.

She smiled back. "If you say so. If you don't mind, Harry?"

"No, of course not. I need to find Ginny anyway, it's a perfect time for a pause right now." Standing up he gave Hermione an understanding look, smiled at her and then went away to search for his girlfriend.

"Ron, I actually thought that maybe we could talk?" At least she wasn't irritated now, that was good.

"Sure, about what?"

"About us." As soon as it was out of her mouth, she heard how bad it sounded.

"What about us?" He didn't seem to.

"Maybe mostly about me. About how I never have time any more."

"I see. Well, that's true, you're always busy." A frown started to take form on his face.

"I just... I want you to understand that it doesn't have anything to do with you. I just have so much to do."

"Like when you prefer to study alone instead of with me?" The frown was in place. "Or when you choose to have breakfast in your shiny office instead of with me?"

"Yes, but..." The irritation started to rise again. "These are things I do to be able to concentrate on my studies. It's not by choice, it's a necessity."

"It's like this mentor thing has gone to your head. Suddenly you are too good to associate with the rest of us."

"It's not like that, and you know that."

"Then tell me why you're always in that office of yours'."

She slowly counted to five before answering. "I've told you, over and over. As a mentor, I miss some of my own classes, and some time I could have used for studying. That means that I have twice as much to do, and that takes time. I don't want to just pass my exams, I want to leave here with good marks. And that's means even more study. Is that so hard to understand?"

"No, but what I don't understand is why you can't do it with us."

"Because I'm much more efficient when I'm alone." Thinking of Malfoy she felt a bit guilty, but Ron didn't have to know about that, right?

"Oh, I'm sorry for being such a lousy boyfriend, holding you back when you want to go places." Now he looked really irritated.

"I never said that you were a bad boyfriend. If any is bad for this relationship it is me."

"It's the plain truth at least." He turned his head away from her.

Hermione sighed. "Come on, it can't be that bad. I don't want to quarrel with you."

"I don't know." Reluctantly he turned back to her.

"All I want you to understand is that it's not about you, it's about me. I've made some choices about my life, and I hope that you will accept that."

"Do I have a choice?" He still looked sulky.

"Well..." she said with a small voice. "You can make the choice to walk away from me. If that's what you want."

"No, no it's not." A small smile crept onto his face. "I still want to be with you, even if it's less than optimal. I just like to spend some more time with you, can you understand that?"

"I'll see what I can do." She smiled too, even though the irritation hadn't washed away yet.

He took her hand and tilted his head. "Can you stay today? I'm afraid we have to read some more, but after that, we can sit in front of the fire and talk. What do you say?"

"Sure, I can do that." Inside she sighed deeply and cursed that she was missing a lot of valuable time. Now she would have to compensate for that tomorrow. But she supposed it was worth it to sooth Ron a bit. She would just have to repair it tomorrow instead and try to focus on her boyfriend today.

o O o

It was a Thursday evening some days later. The weather outside it was cold and dark, which made the warmth and light inside even more pleasing. Around a table in the Gryffindor common room some friends sat together. Ginny had persuaded Harry and Ron to spend some time with their homework, and for once Hermione was sitting with them too. It was in the evening, and the concentration was not optimal.

"Should we start with the Transfiguration then?" If they were going to get anywhere she would have to take command, that was clear.

"I think this only seventh year Quidditch is brilliant." Ron beamed.

"Yes, I like the idea. Some more people get to play, and it will not be as serious as the house cup." Forgetting his books, Harry entered the discussion.

"Not to talk about the fact that we got to play at all. I know that we have a lot to do this year, but I believe I could have made time for practice. It would have been really fun to be on the team."

Ginny laughed. "I'm just happy we got paired up with Hufflepuff and not with Slytherin. That would have been a disaster."

"Well, who wants to be seeker? Harry or you?" He turned to his sister.

"Harry of course. I've been playing a good deal, but we all know who the real star is." She smiled affectionately at her boyfriend. "I can play as chaser, I have enough experience in that field."

Hermione cleared her throat. "If we look at chapter six in the Transfiguration book we can start preparing for our assignment."

"Who do you think will be seeker for Ravenclaw and Slytherin?" Ron leaned back in his chair.

"I have no idea actually. There's no candidate that comes to mind." The girl Weasley tapped her quill on her cheek.

With a frown, Harry looked at his friends. "It can be a tough game, both Ravenclaw and Slytherin are houses with good players. You'll be keeper, I guess?"

"I guess so. Hufflepuff doesn't have anyone well-enough trained."

"_If _you don't mind, Transfiguration please?" Hermione looked impatient and indicated her book. "Chapter six."

Reluctantly the others opened their books and started to read. Ron mumbled the text while reading it as if to understand it better that way. His sister started to hum some popular song from the radio. When Hermione lifted her head, she met the eyes of the fourth member of the group. He was smiling an uneven smile which was saying that he was fully aware of her frustration. She sighed and turned back to her book. She had already read it once, but she wanted to review it before she started to write. It took about ten minutes before the next interruption.

"What do you think about going to Hogsmeade this Saturday?" It was Harry speaking up this time.

"Yeah, it seems nice." His girlfriend nodded. "Will you two come too?"

"Sure we will. It will be fun." Ron turned his head. "Won't it, Hermione?"

"I'm sure it will be." She tried to fight down the rising irritation. "But I can't come."

Her boyfriend looked both irritated and despondent. "Oh, come on, no more studying. You already know everything, you have to by now."

"I haven't planned to study on Saturday, but I'll be going to Diagon Alley."

"Right, that mentor thing." He looked disappointed. "But you don't _have_ to go, do you?"

"No, I don't have to. But I like to. It will be nice to see something else, do some shopping, be out in the real world for a bit." This was not decreasing her irritation. "And I don't know about you, but I'm going to focus on Transfiguration for some time now, I would like to finish it tonight."

Silence fell around the table as the four of them returned to their books. There was a constant buzz from the rest of the room, and Hermione could see Ron in the corner of her eye every now and then when he turned around in the chair to listen to what happened at other parts of the room. She tried not to give him any attention. Instead she took out a parchment and started to write. She was happy that she didn't miss this class, the assignment they have been given was without doubt a bit tricky.

"You know, Harry, what about some wizard's chess after we're done here tonight?" Ron played with the pages of the book.

"I don't know, it depends on how long time this will take." Harry gave the book a sad look.

"It can't be that much, we'll finish fast." He looked untroubled. "And now we can ask Hermione to check it. But I was thinking, last time we played-"

"That's it, I've had it." Hermione stood up and started to collect her things.

"You're leaving?" A slightly guilty look could be seen on Harry's face.

"Yes. I'm going down to our office instead, where I might get something done." The irritation was now evident. "I might even be able to start on my Potions too, rather than trying to get just this done."

"Hermione, you can't blame us for talking sometimes." Ginny pleaded with her. "It's what makes studying together great. You get some room for socialising. That way you won't get bored so fast."

" I'm not your pet. I'm not here for your benefit, I'm here to study too." She piled her books in a neat stack and put the parchment, the ink and the quill in her bag. Ginny's words stung a bit, she knew that it could be nice to have company while studying if you weren't in a hurry, sometimes even take a break and socialise. But today she just couldn't take it. And most of all she was so irritated at Ron for never shutting up about his perfectly uninteresting things.

"Hey, I didn't mean..." Her boyfriend looked confused and a bit guilty.

"I perfectly well know what you meant," she snapped exasperatedly at him as she passed by with her things. She went to the door and disappeared without looking back once.

o O o

She testily opened the door to the office, went inside and closed it with a bang. A movement made her realise that she wasn't alone.

"Oh, sorry, Malfoy. I didn't see you, I didn't mean to disturb you." She felt the irritation lift a bit, feeling utterly silly for walking around slamming doors.

"No problem, not being seen is my goal in life, I already told you so." There was bitterness on his face as usual while saying something like that, but at the same time some tiny part humour too. "Having a bad day?"

She put her books on a table and sat down facing his way. "Yes. Well, just the last part actually."

"Trouble in paradise?" His face was ironic and patronising.

Her face grew ice cold. "That's none of your business!"

There was silence for some time before he spoke up. "I'm sorry." He spoke quietly, but he really looked like he regretted what he said, and wanted to make up for it. "It was a bad joke, I didn't know it would hit the target that well."

"Oh, it doesn't matter." Suddenly she felt all the irritation ebb away, leaving a tiredness instead. "It's just that Ron drives me crazy sometimes." She sighed. "He just takes me for granted, that I'll be there to correct his homework all the time."

"I know what you mean, Pansy does the same from time to time." He paused, looked at her, an ironic smile on his face. "Sometimes I wonder how she would have gotten through school if it wasn't for me."

She answered with a knowing smile. "I know that exact feeling."

They looked at each other for a few moments before Malfoy spoke up. "So, what are you studying tonight?"

"Transfiguration. Have you started on that one yet?"

"No, I'm doing Potions first. I figured it was the hardest."

"I think you're right. I just started with Transfiguration because the others all take that too." She picked up her Potions book. "But maybe I'll abandon it for tonight and do Potions instead."

"Do that. I'll be open for discussions." The smile was a bit careful, but still there. "If you want to I'd like to hear your opinion on the use of sopophorous beans when you get that far."

"It sounds like a good plan." She smiled back and felt some excitement rise. This was what studying together should be like.

o O o

Saturday morning was a bit cloudy, but the sun tried it's best to find its way through. The four Gryffindors sat in the Great Hall and had their breakfast. Harry and Ginny talked happily about their free day in Hogsmeade, but Ron seemed a bit sullen.

"I think you would have much more fun in Hogsmeade with us then in Diagon Alley. Are you going with the Ravenclaw's?"

"No, I'm going alone. Those two feels like they are joined at the hip, and I don't want to be the third wheel."

"Well, that's how I will feel if you don't come with us." Ron tried to coax with her. "Alone in Diagon Alley, that can't be fun."

"Ron, I've told you that I do think it will be nice. I'm looking forward to it, can't you be happy for me instead of being jealous?"

"I'm not jealous! I sure don't want to go there. It's just boring and... more boring."

"Stop it you two." Harry broke in between them. "It's a nice morning, we all have a whole free day in front of us, let's enjoy it. We might not enjoy it together, which is a bit sad, but it doesn't mean that we won't all have a good day. Let's just accept that."

"I'll drink to that." Hermione held up her cup of coffee. "I'm sure we'll all have fun."

"I just don't understand why you can't have fun with us." Her boyfriend looked grumpy.

Annoyance and exhaustion flew over her face, and she emptied her cup. "I believe this is where I leave, I don't want to be late to McGonagall's office." She stood up and looked at the others. "Have a nice day, see you tonight."

When she went up the stairs, she could feel what seemed like a now more or less permanent irritation move inside her. Of course, Ron had to start fighting and turn this day sour. She really had been looking forward to this, getting out of the school, away from the students and all that was her school life. With a sigh, she tried to focus on that and forget about Ron.

The three other mentors were already assembled when she reached the headmistress' office. Shortly after that, the door was opened, and they went inside.

"Welcome, all of you." McGonagall was standing next to her desk, nodding at them as they entered. "I suppose you are all eager to get going, but I'd like to say some words first." She looked thoroughly at all of them, one at a time, before continuing. "I know you are all of age and you're going to leave the school grounds. But, I will clarify that you are still in school, even if not literally, and there are some things you need to know before you leave." There was a pause. "Firstly — you are not allowed to leave Diagon Alley. You're not to visit muggle London, nor to apparate or by other means transport yourself to some other location. I don't think this is really necessary, but I'd like to stress that you are in particular forbidden to visit Knockturn Alley. Secondly, you're not permitted to drink any strong alcoholic beverages. Finally, remember that you'll be representing Hogwarts when you're out there, be sure to make a good impression on anyone you meet." She took off her glasses and polished them before putting them back on. "Any questions?"

The blond Ravenclaw spoke up. "How much time do we have? When are we supposed to be back here?"

"You need to be back in time for dinner, but you are of course welcome to come back earlier if you would like. You can plan your day as you prefer."

"What about shopping in Diagon Alley?" This time it was Lisa asking. "Are there any things that we aren't allowed to bring back?"

"School rules still apply. You're old enough to know them now, without me having to specify them." There's a twinkle of something that might be laughter in the headmistress's eyes. "Have a really nice day now. You have deserved it." She walked over to the fireplace. "Now, who wants to go first?" With a nod she held out the pot with floo powder. "Granger, would you like to start?"

Hermione stepped out of the fireplace in the Leaky Cauldron, brushing away some ash from her clothes. The pub was still dark and not too neat, but it gave a familiar feeling. She headed through the room and out through the back. In the small courtyard, she took out her wand and found the right brick. After tapping it three times, she took a step back and watched the magical archway fold open like a flower.

When it stood still she walked through the opening, and then, finally, she was at Diagon Alley.


	4. Diagon Alley

**Chapter 4 – Diagon Alley**

There wasn't as many visitors as it was the first few days before school started, but there was still a good amount of wizards and witches doing their daily shopping, meeting a friend for a cup of tea, or just having a day in wizard London. Hermione stood perfectly still for a moment, feeling expectations rising. Some shopping, look at people, something to eat in one of the cafés and then some more shopping and just walking around. It could be a great day. For a second she wished she had someone to share it with, but then she pushed that thought away and focused on having some free time, _really _free time.

It was closing in on Halloween, which could be seen in the newly orange-and-black windows, but Hermione planned to take this opportunity to start looking for Christmas gifts. She would have a much bigger supply to choose from here, and maybe this was the last occasion when she was close to shops. She had some ideas already, but otherwise she planned just to stroll around and look at what she could find. She also wanted to find some small gifts to her boyfriend and friends. A bit silly maybe, they could just as well buy things in Hogsmeade, but she still felt it like she was on a big trip away from school. If she couldn't find anything else she could just buy some candy or something; just for the heck of it.

She headed for the towering white building, Gringotts. After making some calculations she decided to withdraw a sum covering Christmas gifts, food and a good amount for personal shopping. She deserved to spoil herself a bit after this crazy autumn. Usually she was not the shopping kind, but today she felt almost giddy at the thought. When she reached the stairs she hesitated. Entering this building always felt bad now, even though all the… _friction_ had been solved. She could feel the goblins look at her, and honestly they scared her a bit. But all went well, they gave her the money without further comments, and soon she was back at the top of the stairs.

Diagon Alley laid before her, and she shook off the bad feeling from Gringotts. Now her day could begin, but where to start? When she left the study session in Gryffindor common room the other night she had pushed her things into her bag so violently that she managed to break the tip of her favourite quill, and maybe replacing it was a good place to start. She slowly walked towards Scribbulus Writing Implements, looking in the shop windows as she passed them. Upon entering the shop she saw the back of a well-known head in the back. Malfoy was choosing between the vast amount of inks. She went over to the quills and started to check the supply. There were all kinds, fluffy and slick, white and black, curled and straight. One classy, dark brown instantly got her attention, but she put it down, sighed and decided to go for a more ordinary one. She found a nice white one, and was just picking it up when a voice appeared behind her shoulder.

"Finding anything?"

She jumped and turned, finding herself face to face with Malfoy. "You startled me."

"Sorry, I didn't know you were so focused on the quills." There was a hint of a smile on his face.

"Didn't you know, quills are serious business." With a distracted hand she pushed the hair out of her face. "What are you shopping?"

"Ink. Call me childish if you like, but I prefer to write letters in green ink. They have a really nice dark green ink here that I usually use." He made her company when she headed for the counter to pay. "Are you not satisfied with your present quill?"

"I broke my quill when I had the fight with Ron the other night, I pushed it in the bottom of the bag and I'm afraid I wasn't that careful. You know, the night when I came slamming the door to the office." A half embarrassed smile could be seen on her face. _The fight with Ron._ She didn't have to specify Ron in the situation. Why did she tell that, to Malfoy of all people? Maybe because he didn't have any personal bond to Ron, maybe because he seemed prepared to listen. Maybe because they, it could not be denied, had created some kind of fragile bond between each other. It was insane, but doubtlessly true.

"Ah, I remember. You were a bit upset."

"You can say that." With a shake of the head she put her quill on the counter. "Where are you headed now?"

"I was planning to go to Flourish and Blotts, and then Lee Bries' Books." There was a moment's pause. "Want to join me?"

"Sure, it sounds like good places to start the day." It would be nice to be in those shops in the company of someone else who liked books, even if it happened to be Malfoy. With a small smile she paid for her quill and put it carefully in her bag.

They had stepped outside the door when Malfoy stopped. "I forgot, I need one more thing. I'll be right back." He turned and disappeared into the shop.

Hermione stood next to the steps, satisfied with just looking at the passing people. The sun shone but the air was chilly, and she was happy for her scarf, even if it was on the thinner side. A plump little witch shoot a quick glance at her when she passed, just to look back again with slightly bigger eyes and finally an appreciating smile. Obviously it was not only the goblins who remembered her deeds. An ironical voice inside her asked though if she was recognized as 'the girl who fought in the war to save us all', or as the friend of Harry Potter. She couldn't help a smile. It was a wonderful day, it didn't matter.

"Do you want to share your happy thoughts?" Malfoy came back out of the shop.

"Oh, I was just thinking about what people think when they recognize me on the street."

His face got unreadable. "I see that you're expecting great things." He hurried to add "Which you should, of course."

"Honestly I was wondering if the passing witch saw Hermione Granger or Harry Potter's friend." Her smile turned amused.

"Ah, the downside with famous friends." They started to walk. "I wonder if this really is a good idea though."

"What?"

"For you to make me company. I also used to have famous friends, you know." The face turned hard and cold.

"But... The war is over and you are considered innocent."

There was a hard laugh. "Never believe that I'm innocent, Granger. Everyone knows what I've done, and it's not much I can say to defend myself."

"Except that you didn't do it out of free will, right?" She gave him a sharp look.

A flash of pain flew over his face, but was soon replaced with tiredness. "You have no idea how it was to stand in front of the Dark Lord. You just didn't say no. You had so much more than your life to lose." He looked down on his hands, obviously remembering things, and just as obviously didn't like it. "Let's talk about something else. This day is too nice for that kind of stories."

Hermione thought deeply. This was a discussion she never could have imagined herself having. She pictured Malfoy in her mind, scared to death and trapped in serving a master he didn't want to have. At least it was the picture he gave her, of course he could be feeding her a sob story to evade taking responsibility for his actions. But she didn't believe that. She had seen him during the war, and she had heard what Harry told her about him. He had been scared insane the last year or two, that was a fact. And those years had obviously changed him, he was not the same as the third year brat. It would be strange if they didn't. She looked up at him. "I don't mind your company." It was true.

"We'll see."

Silence fell between them, and Hermione didn't really know what to say. She wanted to say something comforting, he had showed her a lot of vulnerability and it felt as if she needed to say something. On the other hand he had said that he didn't want to talk about it any more. While she was thinking they met a couple, arm in arm. When they came closer the man let go of the woman and walked over to them. With a face filled of contempt he spit on the ground in front of Malfoy, stared him in the face for a moment, before returning to his companion and continuing down the street.

"I have a feeling that I know what you meant now." She looked at him with a half upset, half thoughtful face.

"That was really quite cheerful, considering who I am. At least he didn't spit _on_ me." The ironic smile was held in place with apparent force.

"People do that? That's so uncivilized." A frown accompanied her words.

"Sometimes they tend to yell or threaten me too, but usually they don't turn to violence. Except from the woman who 'accidentally' hit me with her handbag earlier. But in the bigger picture I don't think that counts." His voice was jesting, but there was a seriousness beneath.

"I wonder what happens when we meet someone who recognize us both." The frown evened out and turned into an amused smile.

"That's when people start to walk into things in pure shock." He winked at her, and she laughed.

"Are you looking for any special books?"

"No, I just want to have a look. Bookshops are nice places."

"I couldn't agree with you more." The smile was warm and a bit pleased. "But honestly, I never saw you as a book guy."

He tied his scarf a bit closer. "Books are nice. They can entertain you, and you can learn things without getting exposed to the disdain."

The picture of her eleven-year-old self came back. "You know, once upon a time it could have been me saying that."

"You?"

"Is it so hard to believe that the little girl who just loved to read more than anything else got kept outside the circle of friends?" She sighed. "And even though I met Harry and Ron it still took some time for me to be accepted by others. Bookworms are usually met with scepticism."

"I see." The look he gave her was estimative. "At least you're some kind of hero now."

"I don't know about hero, but the tables have definitely turned." She tilted her head and smiled slightly. "But at least you have your friends. Not all people despise you."

"True, Pansy and Theo have been faithful through it all. I'm really happy to have them. Even if I might not deserve it all the time."

"I know what you mean. I don't feel like I deserve Ron all the time either. I just have no patience with him nowadays." Now she was talking about her and Ron again. But Harry was his best friend and Ginny was his sister, there was no one she could talk to. And for some reason it was so easy to talk to Malfoy. It surprised her.

They reached Flourish and Blotts, and entered the shop. Focused as bloodhounds, they went to different shelves, and soon they were immersed in the books. Half an hour later Malfoy came looking for her, a couple of books in his arms.

"Did you find anything?" He watched her put a book back on the shelves.

"Yes. An expansion in advanced Ancient Runes and this one." A book titled '_Times and names in the history of the Ministry of Magic' _was on the top of her small pile. "What about you?" She looked on the spines of his books. "But... 'Murder on the Orient Express', Malfoy, this is a-"

"Shh! I know." There was a pink tint on his cheeks. "Not a word, or I dispose of it at once. Now, can you do me a favour?"

"I guess so, what is it?"

"Can you put this book in your pile and pay for it? You get the money from me of course. I just can't... If someone sees me buying that kind of literature..."

"Maybe it would be good for you if they did? I for one am impressed." She reached out and put the offensive book in her pile.

"I have some dignity, thank you very much." The posture was the one from old times, but the face was a tiny bit ambivalent.

"If you say so. Let's pay."

They went over to the counter and Hermione paid for her books and the _despicable_ piece of muggle literature. Malfoy paid for his book, and then they left the shop. Outside she handed the mystery book to the pure-blood with an amused smile.

"Here you are. I think it's very nice to see that you're trying to broaden your horizon a bit."

He picked out the money and handed her. "Thank you. And... Honestly it is because of you."

"Because of me?"

"Yes." There was a pause. "Seeing that it turned out that a... muggle-born could be both interesting and nice, I got curious when I saw the shelf. But don't tell anyone, this stays between us, please."

"I won't say anything, I promise. I haven't read that author though, you have to tell me if it's any good." Her smile faltered and she became serious. "And I'm very happy to hear that you find me interesting and nice. Even if it is a bit unexpected."

"Yes, it is. I surely didn't see that coming." He fidgeted with his scarf, eyes filled with uncertainty. "I hope you don't mind me saying it. Maybe I shouldn't have."

"As I said, I'm happy to hear it, I just didn't anticipate... well..." Her face filled with confusion. "Maybe I should have. You've been so... I don't know, I just feel so at ease in your company. And no, I didn't see that coming either."

With a frown he stopped in the street, looking at her. "I never believed that I would put myself in a situation where I risked to start a friendship with a Mud… Muggle-born."

"Is that what we are doing?" She ignored his slip on her heritage, it was most likely out of habit and not to hurt her.

"I don't know, I'm the pariah here, you'll have to be the one making the call." His voice was bitter and his eyes filled with self-loathing. "I wouldn't be as presumptive to make any advances like that."

"I am most likely totally insane, but I think that sounds like an appealing risk to take." A soft smile accompanied the humour in her eyes.

He looked at her intensely, with narrowed eyes carrying some doubt. "You are a very strange girl, do you know that?"

At this moment two men was about to pass them, but stopped and looked at Malfoy with poorly hidden animosity.

"Leave that girl alone." The tallest of them showed a grim face.

His friend turned to Hermione. "Did he hurt you?"

"No, don't worry, it's OK." The situation made her a bit confused.

"I told you to back up. Leave her alone!"

Malfoy looked totally expressionless and stared straight in front of him. When he started to back away from her she reached out a hand and grabbed his arm.

"Don't be silly." She turned to the angry men. "There is no problem here, we were just talking."

The tall one looked at her in disbelief. "I know who you are, I've seen you with Harry Potter. Don't you know who this is?"

"Yes, I do." This was getting uncomfortable. She let go of his arm. "We were just talking for a bit." In the same moment she saw the dead look in Malfoy's eyes, the hopeless one which registered her tries to make excuses to why she was seen together with him. A sudden wave of compassion rose in her. "I'm here, with him, because I chose to. Because I like to."

The men stared at her as if she had stated her undying love for Blast-Ended Skrewts.

"I enjoy his company." Hastily she took his arm again. "And now, if you excuse us, we have a book shop to visit." With that she turned and steered Malfoy towards Lee Bries' Books.

When they were out of sight from the men Hermione let go of him, and he looked at her with a grave face.

"You know what will happen now?"

"No... What do you mean?"

"We will get our shopping interrupted by a flight of aurors, coming to take me away for use of the Imperius curse on you." He tried to keep a straight face, but the laughter could be seen shining through.

"Hmpf. If anyone needed an _Imperio_ it was those two men. Barge in like that." With a haughty air she tossed her head. "No manners." She glanced at him, and when their eyes met they both started to laugh.

Here she was, standing on a cold but sunny October street, laughing together with Draco Malfoy. These were things it was hard to come to terms with. They had been enemies since they were children, all the bad blood between them... How could she just ignore that? She didn't know. She just knew that she appreciated the company of this man. The war was over, time to get a new life. Maybe it was so, that in her old life this would have been impossible, but in their new lives there was a potential for friendship here. She believed she would like that.

"Let's get inside." Malfoy pointed at the shop down the street.

They walked over to the shop and entered. The shop was light and clean, and every book was in its place. It almost felt artificial. They split up and started to wander down the shelves. After some time they met up in the middle again, none of them carrying any books.

"You couldn't find anything either?" Hermione looked at his empty arms.

"No, nothing that I felt the need to bring back home." He made a gesture towards the door, and they exited the shop. "There's another book shop I want to visit."

"I'm always in for book shops," she laughed. "As long as you're not taking me to Knockturn Alley," she hasted to add.

"Don't be stupid." His face darkened. "Do you think I would go to that place now, really? With my reputation to fight against?"

"No, I guess not." Biting her lip she reached out for his arm. "I didn't think that far. Sorry."

"If nothing else, McGonagall forbid us to go there. I for one am not going to disobey her orders."

"Of course not. Let's go to this other shop. Is there any place I know about?" Internally she cursed herself for being so clumsy, trying to smooth it over.

"It's a second hand shop called d'Arc Books, I don't know if you've been there?"

"Yes I have. Not likely that I miss a bookshop." She smiled at him.

"I must say that it sounds like something you would find in Knockturn Alley though. But I promise there's nothing fishy about it."

"I know, don't worry. I've been there." While walking she was glancing at him. He seemed to have composed himself after her stupid comment about Knockturn Alley. Why did her slip upset her so much? He must anticipate having people associate him with that part of wizarding London, being the one he was. It was not strange that she said something like that, was it? But getting to the bottom line, he was a nice person and he deserved better. That insight made her wanting to laugh slightly hysterical, but she just shook her head to try to forget it for now. He once was the enemy, remember?

"You don't want to go there?" His voice woke her up.

"Yes I do, why?"

"You were shaking your head. What were you thinking about?" Suddenly he seemed to remember who he was. "If I might ask."

"No, nothing." She laughed a little breathlessly. "I was just thinking."

"Hm. Usually people shakes their head when it comes to me. But it might be a bit self-centred to assume that you are thinking about me, doesn't it?" The look in his eyes was probing, but also carried a bit self-irony.

She decided not to bite on that one, but looked straight forward and started speaking about the first thing that came to mind. "How long do you think it will take until they publish a book about the war?"

"Oh, it wouldn't surprise me if there is one already. It's hot stuff, you know. Everyone wants to know the details, what really happened."

"And then it will be another book, and another, and all of them will be different and tell their side of it."

"Now, wouldn't it be fun to see one written by a Death Eater?" His face was filled with irony.

"What, you feel like being a writer?" She could have sunken through the ground the instant the words were out of her mouth. Didn't she just decide _not _to hurt him? "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just..."

He shrugged. "What, most people know what I were. It's not as if I'm ever to forget it." Suddenly his eyes turned dark and he pressed his lips together. "But I heatedly wish that somehow people would realize that I didn't want to be one."

Hermione felt worse than bad. That was probably the best way of telling him that he was trapped in the past, and that nothing he could ever do would erase it. Everything that she didn't believe in. She needed to find something good to say, and do it fast. "I'm sorry, it was a mean joke, not really funny at all. Don't you think I understand that you want to change? Do you think that I would be here right now if I didn't believe that you had left your past behind you?"

"No, maybe you wouldn't." He looked tired but with a tiny sparkle of hope. "We're good at finding bad topics today. Let's talk books instead."

They continued down the street, headed for the last book shop. The topic of the discussion was held light; books they had read, extra studies outside the curriculum, books they were supposed to finish this year. Finally they reached d'Arc Books and entered the shop. This one was the opposite of the earlier. It was dark, books laid everywhere in piles on chairs and desks, and it smelled like old books and parchment, a sweet and musky.. They split up and started to look around as before, but a short while later Malfoy came up to Hermione.

"Look what I found." In his hand was a cheap looking copy of 'Second Wizarding War – a resume'. "I told you there would be at least one of them."

"Let me see." She reached out for it and started to flip the pages to get an overview. "Do you think I can find myself in here?" There was a laughter in her eyes.

"Maybe. Do you think you can find me in there?" His face was unreadable.

"Does it matter?" With a soft smile she gave him back the book. "We know what really happened, regardless of what these upcoming authors will say."

"Well... Whatever they might write about you it will most certainly make your association with other people easier and more positive. What they might write about me on the other hand..." His posture was slightly blasé, but there was something hard in his voice.

She sighed and picked up another book without really looking at it. "A lot of people are so stupid. I'm afraid there isn't much we can do about that."

"True." An impish smile woke on his lips. "Maybe I just have to write that book after all." He winked at her.

Hermione laughed a small laugh, and then gave him an estimative look. "You do know that it actually isn't a totally bad idea?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, I believe that a lot of people would be curious about what happened behind enemy lines. And you would get to tell your story." She tilted her head and looked at him.

"You are supposed to be clever girl, come on. Firstly, no one would ever believe me. They would just say that I made it up to save my own skin. Secondly, people will just see as far as 'Death Eater' and turn their backs. And thirdly... Those things that happened 'behind enemy lines' does not really need to be retold."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe it's too early. Those things might not be needed to be retold now, but one day they will, to make sure that they never get forgotten."

"Who will ever forget something like that?" His face was filled with disbelief.

"A society forgets sooner than you think. I'll come back in sixty years and we can have this discussion again."

He shook his head and looked at her. "You're a strange girl. Let's give up on this book shop."

"Sure." She put down the unknown book again. "Where are we going now?"

"We?" There was a small smile, and it was definitely amused.

"Yes." A small blush crept up her cheeks. "I just thought that... If you have other plans so of course not. Just, it's been nice. Except from the rude men. But I can take more of that if needed," she added hastily.

"I have no plans more than spending time away from school. It will be nice to follow you on your errands."

"Then it's settled." She gave him a bright smile. "I have a lot of errands, and none of them are important. If we just saunter around all day I can live with that. I do need something to eat some time, but that's about that."

"Sounds good to me. What do we start to look for?"

"I have two things I do know that I want. A new scarf for me and a perfume for Christmas for Ginny."

"We could check out Twilfitt and Tatting's for the scarf, and then I know of a small shop that's close Twil and Tat's that amongst other things deals in perfumes." Making a sweeping gesture he pointed up the street.

"I've never been there, it could be fun." Her eyes glittered, well aware what kind of shop it was and what clientele usually frequented it. Good thing she brought that extra money.

Hermione didn't believe she would find anything in the leisure class shop, but to her surprise they found a warm, fluffy, brown and red scarf that suited her perfectly. When the came out on the street again she put on the new scarf and put the old one in her bag.

She looked at Malfoy with a half-sided smile. "Do you think they still would have letting me buy this scarf if they knew both my parents are muggles?"

"As long as you were in my company they would never had gotten the idea to ask." A self-ironic smile could be seen. "But if they did know... Well, I don't think you would have gotten very good service."

"You see, there are places where it's a good thing to be in your company." She winked.

He just looked at her with an unreadable face.

They went into the next shop and had a good time sniffing themselves through the supply of women's perfumes. Finally they agreed on a flowery one with a woody base, and after paying for it it went into the bag with her other purchases. Soon they were out on the street again. They went for a relaxed stroll, laughing as they window-shopped. Hermione knew that maybe she should be inside the stores looking for gifts, but it was so extremely nice just to do _nothing_ for once.

After some time they passed a small café, and they decided to get something to eat. The lunch wasn't like at Hogwarts, but it was nice. The waiter looked first at Malfoy with a frown, and then at Hermione with surprised even bigger frown, but then he agreed to serve them and was nice enough.

When he left them Malfoy bitterly shook his head. "As usual it is good to be in your company though. Don't you get fed up with it?"

"No, not really. I get irritated at people, yes, but I can also understand them. Sorry, but it's true. They don't know what I know."

He sighed. "Maybe it's better in the school after all."

"You want to go back?"

"No, I guess not." The tiredness in the smile gradually disappeared. "I'm having a good time actually."

"If I should be honest I had pictured myself spending this day blissfully alone - wait, let me finish - but I found out this was better. As usual I'm very relaxed in your company. Strange, isn't it?"

At that moment their food arrived, and the topic was forgotten. Instead they got into an entertaining discussion about owls; the pros and cons of having one, if Hermione needed one or not, and in that case, which was the one best suited for her. Malfoy thought that she should get one at once and bring back to Hogwarts, but she reminded him that she already had a cat and they weren't allowed to have more than one animal. He tried to persuade her, but wasn't really that successful.

After lunch they went back out on the street again, and it was cold outside after sitting inside the warm café. Hermione was thankful for her new scarf, and muttered something about how it cold it was for still being October.

"We'll have to stop for tea later." There was an amused shade in his voice.

"Yes! Or better, coffee."

"If you say so." He gestured down the street. "Let's move, it'll feel warmer." The amused shade was back, and he gave her a quizzical look. "So, let's see if I get this correct. You are out looking for _Christmas_ gifts for your friends?"

"I like to have plenty of time. With my study schedule, who knows when I will have time for shopping again?"

"You have a point. And I have, if I may, a suggestion."

A couple with a little child came towards them on the street. When they came closer the young girl tugged at her mother's clothes and pointed at Malfoy. He stared back with an expressionless face. The father took a couple of quick steps and lifted up his daughter, sent a look filled of contempt but also fear at Malfoy, and with an arm around his wife he went on up the street with fast steps. The little girl stuck out her tongue at him over her father's shoulder.

"You had a suggestion." Hermione's voice was soft when she talked to Malfoy, who had stopped and just stood staring in front of him. "Care to elaborate?"

"They believe that I'm a monster."

"If that's your suggestion I'm a bit confused." She smiled softly and put a hand on his arm. "I know it's hard, but try to ignore it. They don't know. They don't understand. How could they, really? They haven't heard your side, yet."

With a shallow sigh he turned to her. "Every time you're nice to me I can hear this voice inside me screaming that it's wrong, wrong, wrong."

"I know exactly what you mean. Your suggestion?"

He looked at her in silence for some time, then he sighed a deep sigh and a shadow of a smile could be seen. "If you don't think I'm inappropriate, I have a suggestion for what you could give Harry. I don't know if it's any good, but..."

"Oh, that's good!" Her face lit up.

"You don't even know what it is yet."

She smiled expectantly. "So please tell me?"

"Well..." There was some hesitation. "When I was in Scribbulus Writing Implements and checked for ink I saw that they had some nice inkwells. Especially one in the form of a snitch. I mean, for Harry that might be. If you don't think it's hopelessly boring."

"No, it's a really good idea. Let's go there at once. Or maybe we could stop at Sugarplum's on the way?"

"As you like, I have no plans. But Sugarplum's sounds good." A discreet impish smile could be seen. "Any special reason to go there?"

"I'm going to buy gifts for my friends. I first planned to buy them something... real, but I realize that I won't find anything. Not with the pace I have today." She laughed. "It's so nice _not_ being stressed."

"I totally agree." The tiny impish smile turned genuine. "What is your favourite candy?"

"Chocolate. I'm a chocolate only girl. I accept fillings and stuff, but it need to be chocolate in some form. You?"

"Liquorice. But that's a new one, I didn't like it as a kid. My favourite back then was sugar quills. But I guess I've changed a bit since then."

"Yeah, you can say that again." She smiled a half-sided smile at him.

A short while later they entered the sweets shop, and started to wander around. Hermione found a couple of boxes with Assorted Month Confect ('Taste the flavour of – and experience – every month.') to give Harry and Ron, but chose a big bar of chocolate with cherry filling for Ginny. They met up at the counter, Malfoy carrying a couple of boxes too.

"Are you also giving gifts, or is it all for you?" Hermione looked amused.

"It's for me, but I plan to share with my friends." He glared at her, but with a twinkle in his eyes. "What, I like sweets, it was not a crime last time I looked."

"Of course not, let's pay."

Hermione paid for her gifts, and when it was Malfoy's turn he added a chocolate frog to the pile before paying him too. When they exited the shop he picked up the chocolate frog and handed it to her.

"I counted your purchases, and realized that you didn't get anything for yourself." Something further down the street seemed interesting at once. "You said that you preferred chocolate."

"Oh, but... thank you!" Her smile was surprised but happy.

"It's just a chocolate frog." He glanced at her. "You can give the card to your boyfriend, he's probably still collecting them."

With a huff Hermione prepared to tell him off for being mean to Ron like that, but to her own surprise, thinking about it twice made her start to laugh instead. "It wouldn't surprise me, no." A part of her felt bad from laughing and talking about Ron like that, but the laughter came so easy and spontaneous. And it was a little bit funny, right? It wasn't like he ever would get to know.

Malfoy gave her a piercing look before he smiled too, his eyes unreadable. "What do you say, should we go and look for that inkwell?"

They went back to Scribbulus Writing Implements and found the snitch. Hermione was very happy with her purchase, one Christmas gift less to worry about. Now it was only Ron left, and that might be harder. It must be something thoughtful, something that showed her feelings, at the same time as it was something he really wanted. The irritation rose again. Did he have to be so difficult?

After some more window-shopping they found themselves at a small café where they could get the agreed hot drinks. Malfoy went for tea, but Hermione got herself a much longed for coffee. They sat at a table in the back of the room, happy to take a pause from the cold streets. Malfoy turned his cup around three times, then he looked at her.

"Granger, there's one thing I've done, and I hope you won't disapprove." Wiggling his tea-cup he shot her a slightly nervous glance.

She stared at him for a second, then covered her face with her hand. "It's very hard not to point out that I know a lot of things you have done, and that I honestly disapprove of the most of them."

A weak laughter started to tug at the corner of his mouth. "No, don't worry." The smile got more pronounced. "It's nothing like that."

With a feeling of relief she started to smile too. "So, what is it?"

"Here." He put a package wrapped in tissue paper on the table. "I wanted you to have this."

"What is it?" She looked surprised.

"If you open you'll find out." The nervousness was back.

"A gift for me? Why?" With a confused look she started to unwrap it. When the paper was gone she was holding the beautiful brown quill from the morning.

"You seemed to like it, so I thought you should have it." He looked intently at his tea. "If you think it's inappropriate you don't have to accept it of course."

"No, it's gorgeous, of course I accept it." Her smile was a bit taken aback, but happy. "You saw me looking at it?"

"Yes, and I thought it suited you."

"I considered it a bit too classy for Hogwarts, that's why I took a more nondescript one."

He shook his head. "You're not a child any more, and you are after all a mentor. Of course you're entitled to having classy equipment."

"Maybe you're right." Her smile turned warm. "Thank you, it was very thoughtful of you."

"You're welcome." Malfoy looked relieved and a bit satisfied.

"It was actually a very good idea." Turning the quill over she smiled fondly at it. "Now it will be twice as fun to do the homework." The smile changed into a more thoughtful one. "So... have you done your Potions yet?"

"No, I was planning to do it tonight."

"Oh, I see." She looked disappointed. "I thought I should have this day off, totally free of studies, and I was about to ask you if you wanted to do the Potions tomorrow. But maybe that will upset your schedule."

"No, it's no problem. Maybe I should try to take a night off too. Have some candy and spend some time with my friends. Pansy would like that."

"I think that's a good idea. We can use a night off, and maybe it will get our friends off our backs for some time." An amused wink followed her words.

He laughed. "Good thinking." With a smile he emptied his cup. "Tomorrow after breakfast in the office then?"

"I'll be there."

Hermione felt like she was mentally in a hot bath. Relaxed, warm and satisfied. This had been a very good day, and they still had some time left. Some time in peace and quiet, talking and walking in the crisp afternoon. Then back to Hogwarts for dinner, and after that spending some time inside in the warmth together with the people she loved. If this day went on as good as it had been so far, it was promising to be almost perfect.


	5. Quidditch

**Chapter 5 - Quidditch**

If Saturday had been close to perfect, today was the opposite. Hermione had decided to have breakfast in the Great Hall, and gotten into a futile discussion with Ron, making her irritated and mean. By the time she had left for class she regretted what she had said, but by then Ron was in another part of the castle. And then it was time for mentor class, and she missed Arithmancy again. When she met up with Harry and Ron for next class, the latter was still sulky, and she never got an opening to apologise. In the common room after classes, Ron had locked himself up in their dormitory, and Hermione had given up on him, taken her books and fled to the mentors' office.

So here she was, back in the mentors' office, struggling with Arithmancy, still not understanding it totally. There wasn't even a Malfoy around to ask, and her mood was quickly reaching bottom. They had been studying together almost every day after their free Saturday, but tonight he was nowhere to be seen. She fought down an impulse to throw something. No, this day was not good at all. Not even a hint of the happiness from the Saturday.

She thought about her day in Diagon Alley. The feeling of having a totally new and fresh day in front of her, a day when anything or nothing could be allowed to happen. And then how she ran into Malfoy and how they ended up spending the day together. Walking, shopping, talking, laughing... It had been a really nice day.

Then she came back to Hogwarts and had dinner with her best friends. After dinner they gathered in front of the fire in the common room, and she was sitting close to her boyfriend. He seemed to be in a great mood, and kept joking and smiling at her all the time. They had been sitting there talking until it was late, no one felt like leaving, and Hermione wasn't even the first to break up.

The door opened and Hermione quickly lifted her head. But no, it was Lisa and Mandy, who looked a bit dissatisfied when seeing her.

"Evening, Hermione." Lisa gave her a smile.

"Evening. Have you been fleeing the common room too?" Hermione smiled back.

"Yeah. It's usually no problem studying there, but tonight some second years played a game with a whole lot of jumping and shouting." The look Mandy gave her was slightly searching. "But you're here as usual, have you moved in here?" She laughed a silly little laugh.

"Sometimes I wish I could. It's nice and quiet, and no distractions."

"Yeah..." The fleeting look of dissatisfaction came back. "Well, we better get started." The two girls sat down next to each other at a desk a bit away. They were talking quietly while opening their books.

Hermione stared at her Arithmancy, but it didn't get any more understandable. She played with her dark brown quill and waited for the other girls to fall quiet. As so often lately, her thoughts flew back to Ron. He was so childish, refusing to talk with her like that. Harry did say that he just was tired, but she didn't buy that. Maybe... she would be better off without him? She recoiled from that thought, and stared at her books again.

After a while she gave up, and decided to ask Malfoy for help tomorrow instead. If he was there tomorrow. She looked at the Ravenclaws, and played with the thought of asking them for help. But they seemed so busy, and above all busy together. Like a unity confined to each other. With a sigh she closed the Arithmancy and pulled her Potions' book towards her. At least this she was most likely to understand. It hurt that it was something she didn't understand, and it scared her that it wasn't the first time. Determinedly she focused on the book in front of her, and soon she was immersed in it.

A muffled giggle woke her up from her reading. The hushed voices of the Ravenclaws was annoyingly distracting. She picked up quill and parchment, but soon realised that she only was doodling Her thought caught up on their earlier path. Ron. Being without him... No. If she was to... then she would be alone. They were one, splitting up would be just wrong. She would be breaking something that was supposed to be. And yes, she would be ice-chillingly alone. But above all, she loved him. Why was she even thinking these thoughts? Trying to ignore the other girls she started to write on her Potions homework.

The voices and laughter of the other two mentors grew louder, and she started to get irritated. She was here because she wanted to study, and they were supposed to too. She couldn't focus, and that made her mind free to wander, and it was hopelessly going back to her boyfriend. Those thoughts were only rubbish. She loved her boyfriend. And she didn't want to be alone. No more thinking, period.

o O o

The Saturday of the seventh year's Quidditch game dawned with a blue sky and a bite of frost in the air. Hermione and Ginny sat in the common room and waited for the boys to come down. The former had a book in her lap, but she didn't read much.

"It's too bad that you don't play Quidditch too. It would have been fun if we could do it together." Ginny smiled at her friend.

"No, you know me. Flying is not my thing." She closed the book.

"I know. But it would have been fun." She tugged at her Quidditch robes, frowning. "I wonder where the boys are though. I'd like to have breakfast without being in a hurry."

"If you like you can go ahead, and I'll stay here and wait for Harry and Ron."

"Hm. I'll give them ten more minutes, then we go down to the Great Hall without them." The red-headed girl looked annoyed.

They didn't have to wait that long, a couple of minutes later they both came down. Both of them were in Quidditch robes, chatting animatedly, Ron waving his arms and both laughing. They headed for the girls with big smiles.

"There you are. I thought you would never be ready." Ginny walked over and kissed Harry on the cheek.

"Well, here we are now. Want to go down for breakfast?" He fastened an escaped strand of hair behind Ginny's ear.

"Definitely." With a smile she took Harry's arm, and the four of them headed for the Great Hall.

At the breakfast table the noise level was a bit higher than usual, even if it was only the seventh years that played it was still a big event. The four friends found seats a bit down Gryffindor table, and begun their breakfast. Hermione started with pouring a cup of coffee, as she did every morning now. But it was so nice to start the day with some coffee, and after half a cup it was time for breakfast.

She watched Ginny walk over to the Hufflepuff table, probably to talk with the players from that house. The boy Ginny were talking to was the other chaser, and it looked like he had something interesting to tell. And yes, Ginny came back with a face filled of excitement.

"You're not going to believe what I just heard!" She slipped down in her seat and pinched another toast. With gleaming eyes she looked around at the others.

"Let's hear." Her boyfriend lifted an eyebrow.

"I know..." Pause. "...who is going to be Ravenclaw and Slytherin's seeker."

"Well, tell us already!" Ron waved an urging hand at her.

"Draco Malfoy."

"What?" Ron stared at her. "That can't be."

"You're kidding?" Looking totally perplexed Harry put down his goblet on the table.

Hermione's eyes widened, and a giddy feeling started somewhere in her stomach. He had done it. He listened to her and went up flying, even though he knew he would fly against Harry. She was so happy for him, so proud. This was the best news today.

"So much for a relaxed game just for fun. And why do you look so happy Hermione?" Her boyfriend turned to her with a testy look.

"There's no reason why you can't have a relaxed game still. Nothing really changes just because Draco... Malfoy is flying too."

"No? Where have you been the latest seven years? Do you realise what pressure there is on Harry now? Now he has to catch the snitch, there's no having a light game for him any more." Ron seemed to be more and more heated for every word.

"It seems to me that it is _you_ who are putting the pressure on him, no one else." Her smile disappeared and she sighed. "Harry, please don't tell me that you still are bearing this grudge against him."

"Well, I don't think it's fun, can't say I do." He made a displeased face.

"Oh. But..." This was not the way she pictured it. She never realised that getting Draco back flying would affect her friends badly. "Try not to let it get to you. Pretend he's just anyone, don't let this game be about him. You've all been looking forward to this."

"That's easy for you to say." Her boyfriend still looked grumpy.

"No, I think Hermione has a point." Harry seemed slightly thoughtful. "We've been preparing for this for a long time, looking forward to having big fun. We should not let some stupid git destroy this for us. Come on you guys, we'll still have a good time up there." He smiled calmly at them. "And let me take care of Malfoy. I don't mind, honestly. You just focus on the rest of the game."

You could count on Harry to sort things out to the better. He knew just what to say to get discouraged people back on track. Not to mention that he came to her aid again, taking her side when Ron started to act childish.

"Maybe you're right." Ginny's toast was forgotten on her plate. "But I still think it's kind of preposterous that he should be allowed to play with the rest of us."

"He has the same right to fly as everybody else." Hermione fell silent, she didn't mean to say that out loud.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Ron stared at her. "You're taking _his _side in this?"

Harry just looked at her with a pensive face, but his girlfriend looked just as surprised as her brother.

"No, I didn't take anyone's side. Just saying that... Well, he's a student at this school, why shouldn't he fly?"

"Because he is an evil bastard who doesn't deserve to have the same rules as the rest of us?" Her boyfriend still seemed upset, to say the least.

She started to lose patience. "You're sounding pretty close-minded. Can't you accept that he's a human being who is trying to create a new life, just like us?"

"Not to add fuel to the fire, but you _do_ sound like you're defending him." Ginny looked at her with a bewildered expression.

Hermione sighed. Yes, she wanted to defend Draco, but she did not want a disagreement with her friends. "Can't we all just listen to Harry? I believe he had a pretty good grip on the situation. Don't let this day be destroyed over something silly."

"Sure he's silly, all right," Ron mumbled.

"Operation 'Ignore Malfoy' can start then." Ginny swallowed the last of her bread and looked around. "Are you ready to go?"

They finished their breakfasts and headed for the doors. Hermione fell behind a bit, and looked at the Slytherin table. When she found him he was already looking for her with an ironic smile on his lips. She wished she could have walked over to him, but she knew what kind of commotion that would cause, and she didn't dare to do it. At least not now. Instead she smiled at him, as big and warm as she could, and hoped that he understood that she knew.

On the way down to the pitch Harry slowed down until he was next to her. He looked at her with an inquisitive face.

"You know, you are making me curious."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you were actually defending Malfoy earlier. And I saw that you smiled at him before we left the Great Hall. Do you mind sharing?"

Hermione moved uncomfortably. "It's not much to share."

He gave her a long look.

"Well, we've got to know each other a little. Or not really know each other, but we've talked a bit. Now and then."

"Talked a bit. Hermione, I told you to be careful around him. What does 'talked a bit' mean?"

"Mm... We... might have spent the day in Diagon Alley together." To her irritation she felt a slight blush creep up her cheeks. "But please don't tell the others," she added hastily.

Harry heaved a deep sigh. "No, I won't. But honestly... Merlin, what are you thinking?"

The all so well-known irritation rose again. "I'm thinking that he is a human being with the need for a new life, just as us. That he is intelligent and stimulating to spend time with. That he has a fun kind of humour, and that when he drops that disdainful 'I'm better than everybody else' attitude he's actually nice." Suddenly she felt a desperate need to explain this to Harry, make him understand. She definitely didn't want him to leave and be mad at her, and she realised that his opinion actually meant a scary amount to her.

With a dumbfounded expression he stared at her. "I... Oh damn, I don't like this. Hermione... That doesn't sound like 'talked a bit', that sounds more like friendship. Have you befriended Draco sodding _Malfoy_?"

"No! It's just..." She looked helplessly at him. "I don't know, maybe I have. I have no idea how that happened."

Harry leaned his head back and heaved another deep sigh before looking at her again. "You. Are. _Insane_. What do you want from me, do you want me to just accept this, pretend that nothing has changed?"

The feeling of wanting to please him came back, wanting to make him understand, and yes, for him to accept. "I wish I could make you see the same Draco that I see. For you to realise that he has changed. And no, I haven't forgotten, but I have forgiven."

"You must understand that I'm worried about you. That he will hurt you. He's not the most trustworthy of the lot." He shook his head. "But I guess that you're grown up now, and that you're old enough to make your own mistakes." Starting to turn away he stopped for a moment. "No, you won't get me to just accept it like this. But I want you to know that you can always come to me. I won't even say 'I told you so'."

She stood still and watched his back for a couple of seconds in something close to panic, before running after him. "Harry! Wait. Does this really have to come between us?"

With an amused smile he looked at her. "No, definitely not. But I need to get down to the pitch before they start without me." He put an arm around her. "Don't be silly, girl. It takes more than a pathetic Malfoy to come between us. Now get up those stands and cheer us to victory."

They split up, and Hermione saw him walk with a light feeling inside. She could still feel the warmth from his arm around her, maybe it wasn't so bad after all. Yes, she felt protective of Draco, but not enough to split her up from her friends.

She climbed up and started to look for a seat. Finally she found one next to some excited young students from one of the lower years. The game had started while she was looking for somewhere to sit, and now it was up to full speed. The Huffelpuff chaser scored a goal, but she didn't really care, she was only interested in the seekers. They seemed to use different tactics, Harry was hovering high up above the pitch while Draco was circling around the edges. Ten and some minutes in the game Harry started a dive towards one of the stands, but pulled out of it before Draco had time to get up to speed. The crowd moaned in disappointment. Hermione wondered if he really had seen anything, or if he only was playing Draco.

Staring at the seekers got pretty boring after some time, and she watched Ron save two goals and Ginny score one behind the back of the Ravenclaw keeper. But after that the Slytherin chasers scored two goals at a rapid pace, and she could feel Ron's mood sink. It was an even game, and it became obvious that the victory would depend on which of the seekers caught the snitch. Looking for the seekers again she realised that she didn't know who she hoped for to catch the snitch. Of course she was supporting Harry, but... it would be so good for Draco to- She stopped dead in her thoughts. Draco? Since when did he become Draco and not Malfoy to her? She thought back to the morning, she did call him Malfoy when she was talking, right?

Suddenly the sound around her became much louder, and when she looked up she saw Draco in full speed upward, at the same time as Harry went into a steep dive. She kept her fingers crossed, but she still didn't know for whom. The seconds felt incomprehensibly long, but there were actually just a few of them before Harry came out of the dive with the snitch in a firm grip. The roar from the spectators was deafening and Hermione was standing up and cheered with the others around her. She had to admit that deep down she had been supporting Harry, no matter how good it would have been for Draco to win it.

She hurried down the stairs to congratulate her friends, but when she came down she ended up in the middle of the Slytherin/Ravenclaw team. The others were nowhere to be seen, so she took the risk to stop and talk with Draco when he passed.

"Congratulations!" She waved at him to make him come over.

"We didn't win, if you missed that." There were some dejection in his posture, but also some happiness.

"I know that, but it still feels right to congratulate you to being up on a broom again. I was very happy to hear that you were on the team." A lot of people were filtering past her, so she moved a bit to the side to let them through.

"I believe people would have been happier with me if I had caught that stupid ball though."

"They don't blame you for the loss, do they?" She looked worried.

"No, no one believed I would have a chance against Potter anyway. So, there's no problem really. The rest of the team is cool."

"But not everyone is." It was not a question.

"I've heard a comment or five about Death Eaters in the game and if it should be allowed." There was a grim expression on his face.

Hermione sighed and looked around. "I've heard those too I'm afraid." She showed a tired face. "But the important thing is that you did fly. Was it fun?"

His face broke into a smile. "Yes. It was more than that, it was fantastic. I can't believe I haven't done it before."

"Next thing will be you flying with the Gryffindors."

"I dearly hope that was a joke." He looked at her in alarm.

"Yes, I'm afraid it was. I don't believe they're ready for you just yet." Her smile was a bit amused.

"I don't believe I'm ready for them." A line formed between his eyebrows. "What are you looking for?"

"Oh, Harry, Ron and Ginny. They should be here soon I think."

"And you don't want them to see you with me." His face grew grim.

"No, not at all." The blush on her cheeks betrayed her. "It's just..."

"...that you will be in trouble if they believe you have something to do with the hated Death Eater."

"You see, we already had this disagreement over you at breakfast, and I don't want to remind them. It's not that I wouldn't like to be seen with you it's just that..." She broke off, looking unhappy.

"It doesn't matter. You don't have to explain. I know who I am." The bitterness in his voice was evident. "I can see Pansy heading for the castle, I'll just catch up with her." His face turned uncertain. "Talk to you some other time?"

She smiled. "Arithmancy tonight at the office as usual?"

"I'll be there." There was a small, relieved smile, and then he was gone.

o O o

None of her friends saw her talking to Draco, and she was ashamed to admit that she was glad. She knew how much it would mean to Draco if she stood up to her friends for him, but she believed it would be better to take it small steps at a time. And maybe she was a bit afraid of the confrontation. Harry would most likely be cool about it, after all, he knew most of it. But Ginny was another case, and Ron... She didn't even want to think about how Ron would take it. If Ron only could be a bit more like Harry. Thinking about it, a lot more like Harry. Sometimes she was very jealous of Ginny.

They had left the pitch together, and now the others were tidying themselves up after the game. Hermione was laying on the bed with a book in front of her, the one she bought in Diagon Alley about Ancient Runes. She hadn't been able to look in it yet, but she stole some time now when the others were busy and she wasn't really scheduled to study. The book was interesting, but she still had problems focusing, she kept coming back to her closest friends.

Ron. Although he hadn't been as irritating as usual lately, she still could feel that it was something that wasn't really like it was supposed to be. It wasn't like it was the intense weeks after the end of the war, and not really like that carefree time together they had during their school years. Something had happened to them, and she didn't know what. It was like he wasn't that special any more. She still cared for him, she did, it was just that something was missing. With a sigh, she realised that it might take some active work to get things back on track. If she only didn't have that nagging feeling that something was wrong, that she shouldn't keep trying.

She left the thoughts about her boyfriend and moved her focus to Ginny, the first girl to be a close friend to Hermione. She was smart, funny and loyal. You could count on her whatever happened, she would be there. Or would she? Thinking about her face at breakfast when she thought that Hermione was defending Draco, she wasn't that sure any more. Would Ginny be able to accept their friendship? Or would she just see a bully, a Death Eater, the son of Lucius Malfoy and a thoroughly unsympathetic person? She couldn't blame her, she had seen the same at the beginning of the school year, and it was hard to change that if you haven't had the same accustoming as she had. A shade of anxiety came over her, she didn't want to let go of this new friendship, but neither did she want to lose Ginny. She heatedly wished that it wouldn't come to a time when she had to choose.

Closing her eyes she chased those thoughts away, and turned her attention to the thoughts about Harry instead, who always know what to say to comfort or cheer her up. Who always were there to defend her. Who had accepted her confidence in him, listened to her involvement with Draco and still stood by her side. What would she do without Harry in her life? He really had it all. The small confused boy had turned to a handsome, energetic young man, and nowhere along the way had he renounced the care and love that had always been a part of him. Except from that stupid story with the broom he had always been at her side, whatever happened. She thought about their time together on the run last year. Yeah, a year ago... Suddenly a cold feeling woke in pit of her stomach. Now just wait a minute, what was she thinking? Loyal, caring, handsome... This started to sound less and less like friendship and... She wasn't in love with Harry, was she? The doubt started to tear her inside apart, and she put her head face down on the pillow. There she laid until Ginny entered the room.

"Hey, Hermione, it's celebration in the common room, wake up!"

"I... I don't know." Facing Harry now would be uncomfortable at best.

"But I do. Forget about the book and join us. This isn't an ordinary day." She laughed.

Well, she needed to meet Harry sooner or later, and hopefully she would get an answer to her question then. "Sure, I'll come."

"Good." Ginny took her arm and together they walked down to the common room.

When they entered Hermione looked around for Harry, and soon found him in the centre of attention. She examined his face, but there were no sudden understanding feelings. He was still Harry, the one she had loved like a brother for a long time now. If there was anything else she couldn't tell it now. Thinking about it for a moment she decided that the best she could do now was to go on like she always had, and if it was something there it would reveal itself sooner or later, by its own.

"Come on, if you go down to Harry and Ron, I'll get us some butterbeer." Ginny gave her a push in the right direction, and she slowly walked over to the boys, who both smiled at her. She had to admit, if she needed to pick just one of them who was her best friend it would be Harry, not Ron. But that didn't matter, none of it matters, because it was Ron who was her boyfriend, she still loved him and she was willing to fight for it. This thing, if any, with Harry would have to go away, it just had to.

"Hermione, there you are." Ron held out an arm for her, and when she came closer he put it around her. "What happened to Ginny?"

"She went for some butterbeer."

"Ah, good thinking." He held out a plate for her. "You have to try these pastries, they are delicious."

With a sudden giggle she accepted the sweet, and thoroughly enjoyed it until Ginny came back with the drinks. The four of them initiated a toast, and soon the common room was echoing of "To Gryffindor!" Hermione smiled in satisfaction, she was happy she had followed Ginny down here. Standing close to Ron it felt like everything was as it should, and maybe it was right now. Seeing Harry didn't freak her out like she was afraid of, and she was standing with a butterbeer in one hand in a room full of friends and snacks. Right now everything was pretty good.

A while later Ron got challenged to a game of chess, and Hermione ended up next to one of the windows.

"Do you have a minute?" Harry came up behind her.

"For you, of course." She smiled and gestured for the place next to her in front of the window.

"I wanted to talk about Malfoy. If you don't mind."

A slight jolt inside her made her bit her lip. "I don't mind." Please don't let him have changed his mind.

"To be honest, I am worried. I know it's not my business, but... well maybe it is, you're one of my best friends, and I really don't want you to get hurt by that lowlife."

"I don't believe you have to be worried. As I said, he's changed. Do you really think he would like to be spending time with a muggle-born otherwise?" Her finger traced the windowsill. "And he's nice. Studying with him is very gratifying, and he makes me laugh."

He shook his head. "The leopard doesn't change its spots."

"I don't think he even is a leopard any more. And he has friends, he wouldn't have if he was as callous as you think, right?"

"As far as I know, he still has a very certain spot left. You can't deny that."

"But that's not fair. You know how scared he was, that he wasn't really on their side by choice. Don't you think he would like to have it erased if that was possible?" There was an urging tone in her voice.

With a sigh he leaned against the windowsill. "Oh my, you really do defend him. This isn't a fleeting acquaintance of yours, this really is your friend." He shook his head again. "I guess it's down to two things then."

"What things?"

"Either I'm right, and he is up to something, like so many times before. You are going to get hurt, and I'm going to get angry."

"Or?"

"Or you're right, and has really changed. In that case I owe you an apology for doubting your judgement." With a worried frown he run a hand through his hair. "But I'm afraid it will take a lot of time before I accept alternative two."

"I wish I knew a way to speed it up. But it's true, I can't do more than ask you to trust my judgement in the matter. And you have a lot to get past to be able to do that. I understand." Her smile was a tad sad but mostly sympathetic.

"So, when do you think you'll see him again?" Harry looked a bit resigned.

"Tonight, actually. I'm going to meet him as soon as the two of us are done here."

"Then I'll better have to make sure that we don't finish this discussion." He smiled a bit but then turned despondent. "Does it have to be him?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so." The hug she gave him was big and warm. "I'll be going now. If someone asks for me I've gone studying. Don't tell them with who."

"I don't like your secrets, Hermione." He sighed deeply. "But I won't tell on you."

After sending a thankful smile at him she went to get her books. She wondered about it all, this secrecy was so stupid. Why shouldn't she just admit who she was working with? There was a simple answer to that. She was afraid of the confrontations, of what a disturbance it would cause. It wasn't fun to admit, but in some ways she was a coward.

o O o

When she came to the office Draco was already there. He was reading his Arithmancy book, looked up when she entered, nodded once, then went back to the book. She sat down beside him, took out her book and started to read too. After a while she became aware that she had read the same lines three times, and gave up.

"Do your friends know that you are here? Studying with me, that is."

"Yes."

"What do they think about it?"

Draco put a bookmark in his book and turned to her. "They believe that I'm insane. That I've lost my mind. That I'm heading for a fall."

"They believe I'm setting you up?" A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

"Yes, they can't see why you would like to stick with me. Is that so hard to believe? We haven't really been on best terms."

"No, I'm smiling because Harry is saying the same thing about you."

There was a hint of panic in Draco's eyes. "Harry knows that we're spending time together? And he hasn't even hexed me once? I believed he would."

"It's honestly more than that. I've admitted that you are my friend, and that I'm going to defend you if I can. Like when I'm talking to him."

There was a long silence. After some time Hermione spoke up with a small voice.

"Because we are? Friends? Right?"

"Right..." The weak smile slowly turned brighter. "Yes, I believe we are. My friend the muggle-born." There was a small laughter. "My father would disinherit me if he could."

"Not that I say that he should, but why can't he?"

"You don't know the after-effects of the war, I see. Why should you?" He shrugged. "When my father was placed in Azkaban on lifetime, he was automatically regarded as unfit as the head of the Malfoy family. He lost the title, the manor, the money, everything."

"So who's head of the Malfoys now? Your mother?"

He gave her a wry smile. "I am."

"Oh." There was a short silence. "Won't the other pure-pure-blood families look down on you if they found out that you involve yourself with dirt like me?"

"Maybe. I don't care." Another shrug. "I'm done following the old rules and traditions, they brought me nothing but pain and misery. When I got to know that I wouldn't go to prison after all, I decided to live after my own head." He looked at her with an intense gaze. "You do realise that I keep quiet about our friendship to spare you, not because I'm ashamed?"

She sighed. "It feels pretty bad. That we keep this a secret just because of me."

"But which of your friends know?" Discreetly he changed subject a bit. "Is it only Harry or the others too?"

"No, it's only Harry. I don't want to think about how the others would react. Sorry, but they... aren't big fans of yours."

"I know. I'm just surprised that Harry is OK with this. I mean, I haven't even got the usual threats." His voice was serious but his face amused. "What about your parents? What would they say if they knew we are sitting here together?"

"Oh... Well, since they don't know anything about your involvement in the war, just our school years, they would mostly be surprised, I think. My mother would probably be happy that our tale got a happy ending." She rolled her eyes.

With a small laugh he pushed the book away, placed his elbow on the desk and leaned his cheek on his hand. "So you're not afraid that I'm luring you into a trap of some kind?"

"No. Call me stupid if you like, but... I believe I can trust you."

"Yes, you are probably stupid. Trusting the least trustworthy person in this castle." He shook his head. "But if it makes any difference I can assure you that in this matter I can be trusted."

They sat in silence. Draco held her gaze for a couple of seconds, and then he pulled his book back towards him. "What do you say, should we start with our assignment?"

For some time they worked diligently, and the only sounds were the turning of pages and scratching of quills.

"There was something else I was thinking about." Hermione tentatively broke the silence after a while.

"Just one second." Draco held up a finger and finished the sentence he was writing. "Yes, what did you say?"

"I realised something earlier today. And I just wanted to check with you."

"OK, what was it?"

"It just felt weird to call you Malfoy, so I started to call you Draco. To myself at least. Do you mind?" She looked slightly nervous.

"No, not at all, _Hermione_. I like it." His face was calm and his voice matter-of-fact.

"So do I." With a smile she picked up her quill again.

They were soon done with their homework, and after a short discussion about some of the details they picked up their quills and books and prepared to leave. Out in the corridor they stopped and turned to each other.

"Will you be studying anything here tomorrow?" Draco traced the edges of his book.

"I'm not sure yet, but probably for some time during the day."

"We'll see if we meet then, I haven't really planned my day either. Otherwise we'll meet at mentors class on Monday." His posture was calm and relaxed.

"We'll do. Good night then." She smiled and started heading towards Gryffindor Tower.

"Sweet dreams, Hermione," he called after her.


	6. Insights

**Chapter 6 – Insights**

"I know, Ron, you've already told me three times."

Hermione and Ron was walking through the castle, headed for Gryffindor Tower. Both of them were a good deal irritated and walked at a fast pace.

"You've said that the week is over in your world, that you want to relax and do nothing for a couple of hours. Fine." She moved the bag to the other shoulder.

"Yes, and I also said that I wanted to spend that time with you. You need to take a break sometimes."

"And I will repeat myself and say that I'm busy. What part of that don't you understand?"

"Oh, come on." Ron waved his arms in the air. "It can't be good for you to sit with your nose in a book all day long. It's Friday night, snap out of it. Live a little."

"I'm perfectly aware that you don't respect my wishes regarding studying, can't we just leave it there? You can do whatever you want, and I'll be left alone with my books?" This was half a lie, and she felt a sting of guilt. It was true that she hoped for Draco to show up at the office.

"You want to be left alone with your books? Well, be careful or you'll get your wish, and there'll be no one left when you finish it"

Her inside ached to throw back at him that _some_ people don't mind studying, but she held back. No need making it worse. To enter the Draco problem on the top of this would be suicidal for their relationship. Instead she pursed her lips tightly and kept on walking.

"You honestly believe that you'll be better off with books instead of friends?"

"No, but I believe it would be good with friends who can accept my choices in life. And I also believe that I have some of them, thank you very much."

"You're hopeless, do you know that? All I ask for is that my girlfriend should spend a couple of hours in my company, and I get depicted as some kind of insensitive monster." His eyes was bitter and hurt. "Go find yourself a better boyfriend then, someone who doesn't make atrocious claims on you and who treat you with the respect you deserve." He fastened up the pace and hasted off in front of her.

Hermione stopped dead before hurrying after him. "Ron, _wait_." She hurried up next to him. "Wait. Do you really mean that?"

With a sigh he slowed down to walking pace again. "No, I guess not." He threw his arms about. "I just... I get frustrated. I see Harry and Ginny together every day, and you're just not there. You've even stopped asking us to join you at the library, you're always in your office." Looking down in the ground he started mumbling. "I miss you, is that so hard to understand?"

"No." The thoughts kept spinning in her head, but her inside was strangely numb. She missed him too. She missed their solid friendship, the intense feelings from the summer, the closeness and the laughs. But now? All she knew was that she didn't want to lose him.

"So, will you stay with me tonight?" There wasn't much hope in his voice.

"I'm sorry, I really want to follow my schedule. But maybe I'll be fast and can meet up with you after? Would that be OK?"

"I guess so." The bitterness was back on his face. "That's probably the best I can hope for with you."

"Don't start again." There's a slight warning in her words. "I'll do my best."

"Yeah. I hope that's enough." He stared straight in front of him.

Pressing her lips together she walked on next to him, none of them were saying anything until they reached the common room.

"Well, I'll get my books. See you tonight." She placed a hand on his arm before hurrying up to her dormitory for her books. A slight uneasiness moved in her stomach, she knew that if Draco was in the office it would take longer time than if it was empty, and she would let it take that time.

When she reached the office there's no Draco to be seen though, and she didn't know if she was relieved or disappointed. She sat down at a desk, took out a book and started to read. Soon after the door opened again, but to her disappointment it was the Ravenclaw girls. It didn't felt all bad though, even if it usually meant some interruptions it felt good to have someone there. They exchanged greetings and the other girls sat down. There were a good amount of whispering going on, and after some time Mandy spoke up.

"Hermione? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what?"

"Is it true that you and Ron broke up?" Her eyes were glued at Hermione.

There's a cold knot in her stomach. Why would people think that? Had Ron said something? "No." She managed to stay unaffected. "Why?"

"One of our house mates heard you arguing, and she said that Ron told you to get another boyfriend."

Lisa hurried to cut in. "We don't mean to be insensitive, just tell us off if you don't want to talk about it."

"No, it's no problem." Suddenly it felt heavenly to have someone to talk to, other girls. Someone who hopefully would understand her dilemma. "I can use someone to talk to." She sighed.

"Don't worry, what you say will stay in this room." Lisa poked Mandy with her elbow, and the later nodded.

"Yes, we had a bad argument. And it wasn't the first time." There's another sigh. "But I still love him, and I don't want to lose him. I don't know what to do." The words came tumbling out of her without a chance to stop them.

"But you've been friends for so long, don't you think you'll be able to get through this inconvenience?" Lisa closed her book.

"I don't know, it's been going on for some time now." A shade of distress flew over her face. "I've just been so irritated at him all the time. He's so childish, and stupid, and tiresome, and dumb, and..." She put her elbows on the desk and leaned her chin in her hands. "...and I don't know."

"Doesn't sound like true love to me." With a shook of her head Mandy followed Lisa's example and closed her book.

"But I don't want to lose him. Maybe it's not optimal, but I want to keep what we have. Or at least what we had."

"And you believe that you did have something worth fighting for?"

"Yes. This summer, everything was so perfect between us. But then school started, and everything just got... I don't know, bad." Giving up she discreetly closed her book too. "I know that I'm stressed and under a fair deal of pressure, but I'm not the same way with others as I am with him. I have none and zero patience with him, and he always puts me in an irritated mood. Always." Feeling slightly breathless she looked at the other girls. "I'm sorry, I'm just rambling."

Lisa gave her a piercing look. "You don't have anyone to talk with about this, have you? You know, feel free to talk to us. That's the least we can do for our fellow mentor." She smiled.

"It's just one thing I wonder." Mandy tilted her head. "Are you really in love with him, or are you just afraid to let go of what is solid and safe in your life?"

With an uncertain face Hermione stared at her. "I... I'm in love with him. I think. No, I know. I love him."

"If you say so." She didn't look convinced. "It doesn't sound as if you see him as the boy you fell in love with."

"No, maybe not. But people change, and you still love them, even if they're not exactly as before. And I don't think he's changed that much anyway."

"But Hermione..." Lisa's voice was very soft. "Has it ever crossed your mind that it might be you who have changed?"

"What do you mean?"

"We all know what you did during the war, and after the war ended there's still this time of turbulence before the dust settled. After that you came to school, and things were different. Maybe the fact that you see him different now isn't because he's changed, but that you see him in another way."

"Or that you both have changed. It's not very far-fetched to believe. People do grow apart." Mandy nodded, in a very very down-to-earth sort of way.

Hermione suddenly felt tears burn behind her eyelids. "So you're saying that it's doomed. That it doesn't matter that we still love each other?"

"We're saying nothing of that kind." The smile Lisa gave her was kind. "This is just us speculating. And there's nothing that says that you can't fix your problem. Because there is a problem though, I think you agree with that."

"Yes, I do. I wish I could find out how to stop being so irritated at him all the time." She pushed her hair out of the face. "I do know one way to make it better, I just don't want to take it."

"Why not?"

"It means stop studying as much as I do. Then I would have more time with Ron, and at least he would be in a better mood I presume."

Mandy laughed. "You can't stop studying. This is your last year, what you're building here is the rest of your life. No boy is worth sacrificing that."

"And you don't even know if Ron's mood really should improve. It might all be in vain."

"I know. That's why I don't want to do it. That's why I can't do it. And he doesn't understand that." She rubbed her face. "That is what we usually argue about. Me not having time."

"I can agree that it is a bit stupid of him to get offended by something like that." Mandy tossed her hair. "You should get a partner who understands the need to study."

"Well..." With an effort Lisa suppressed a giggle. "...there's always Malfoy." Both she and her house mate started giggling helplessly.

Hermione felt how her lips started to twitch, and soon she too fell into a heartfelt giggling with the other girls. A hard knot in her stomach started to loosen up. Having girl talk was exactly what she needed now. She had neglected Ginny, she could see that. But on the other hand, she couldn't talk about Ron with her.

"Maybe Ron is better after all." Lisa still struggled with the giggles, and her smile was amused. "Don't give up. It's true that people grow apart, but they also can grow closer after hard periods. And you're at the half-year peak, when the initial passion is gone and it's time to decide if you have something lasting. It's nothing strange with having some troubles then."

Obviously of another opinion, Mandy showed a doubtful face. "Just don't struggle to long. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. And if you invest too much it just gets harder to let go."

"I will have to do a lot more thinking, I can see that. But I think I see things a little bit more clearly, thank you, both of you. Now it's just-"

The door opened and Draco entered. The Ravenclaw girls shoot a quick look at Hermione and started to giggle. He stiffened up, and looked as if he considered leaving again. Out of habit, Hermione started to clear out her stuff from the left side of the desk, obviously making room for him, and it wasn't until she was done she realised that she had the eyes of two perplexed girls glued on her. She looked up and saw Draco, still standing in the doorway with a very reserved look. A hint if pain could be seen in his eyes, and she made up her mind. With a gesture she indicated the chair next to her and gave him an encouraging look. Slowly he closed the door and went over to the desk, placing his books on it and sat down. The room was dead quiet, and the other girls looked like they couldn't believe their eyes. Hermione ignored them, she needed to stand up for Draco more, and this was a perfect way. He was her friend after all, and this might be a small step, but nevertheless a step forward.

"What are you planning to study tonight?" As she asked she felt a sting in her heart when she realised that all plans to see Ron this night had turned insignificant.

"I haven't decided yet." With an indifferent face he reached out for her book and turned it front up. "You're doing Transfiguration. I can do that too." He looked up at the staring Ravenclaws. "What?"

The girls hurried to look down and put focus on their own books. Soon an intense whispering started, and every now and then they shoot a glance toward the duo at the other desk. Hermione felt how the corner of her mouth started to twitch, and she looked up from the book and met Draco's eyes. She couldn't help an amused smile from growing on her lips, and after a moment Draco smiled back, hesitantly but at the same time with a hint of triumph.

Their whispering died out, and the four of them were immersed in their books. After some time Draco and Hermione started to discuss their assignment in hushed voices, and shortly after that the other girls left. Lisa winked at Hermione on her way out, but if it was an encouragement in her problems with Ron or an allusion to the joke about Draco was anyone's guess.

"I can't stay long tonight though." Draco looked regretful. "I promised to help Pansy with a thing, she'll be mad at me if I'm too late."

"Oh, no problem." Guilt raced through her body. She hadn't given Ron a thought since they started to study. And she more or less promised him to be back early. "I could need to be back in time too."

"Good." The smile was relieved. "Then let us finish this part, and then maybe we can continue tomorrow? If you don't have plans."

"No, no plans. Should we meet here after breakfast?"

"It sounds good." He turned back to his writing, and soon they were both ready to go. They packed their things and prepared to leave. As usual they stopped outside the classroom door, where they split up.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then." She started to walk backwards. Suddenly she wanted to get back to Gryffindor Tower at once, when she left the office the bad conscience rose until it almost knocked her over.

"Yes, see you there." His smile was amused, but his eyes unreadable. "Sweet dreams."

Hermione smiled warmly and waved a little before leaving. When she had left Draco she almost broke into a run, what if Ron grew tired of waiting? Lisa and Mandy's voices echoed in her mind and she turned it over and over. Had they grown apart? Or was it just a temporary phase in their relationship? She entered the Gryffindor common room and looked around for Ron. Soon she found him in the middle of a circle of friends. Something inside her hurt when she saw him, but she determinedly pressed her lips together and started to walk over there. It _was_ worth fighting for.

o O o

Saturday morning was cold, but it was warm inside. Hermione was still in her bed, she decided not to jump out of bed and start studying at once, but to enjoy the drowsy warmness a bit more. Well, she did have the book in Ancient Runes on her bedside table, maybe she could look at tha just for a little bit. She promised yesterday to have breakfast with Ron today, and he was never early out of bed. Without noticing it she drifted off to sleep again, and when she woke up again it was definitely time to start the day. the sun was shining clear and bright though the widows, stabbing her in the eye. She dressed and went down to the common room. In the other end she could see Harry and Ron who were just about to leave the room.

"Ron! Wait for me." She hurried over to them.

"There you are." Ron looked pleasantly surprised. "I didn't see you, so I thought that you forgot and went without us. You're always first up."

"Good morning both of you." There's a smile to them each. "I actually had a lie-in today. Don't look so surprised, I do those things occasionally too."

"Not too often, I bet." He smiled and reached out a hand for her. "Should we go for breakfast then?"

They went to the Great Hall together, and for once there's no irritation in the air. Ginny was sitting with some friends, so they sat down together just the three of them. Hermione was observing Ron, still conflicted. They had some nice hours together the day before, and now everything seemed fine. He was chatting light-heartedly with Harry, and if she made an effort she could see the old Ron. Which of course was a problem, why not looking at the one he was now? It was frustrating to say the least, everything was good as it was now, wasn't it? Suddenly she felt tired and started to long for her books.

"So, what are we doing after breakfast?" Harry looked up from his food.

Here we go again. "Do I have to tell you what my plans are?" She indicated the bag she was carrying, and sounded even more tired, anticipating what was coming.

"Screw that, come with us to see Hagrid instead." Ron gestured with his toast.

"I can't, I've promised-" The sentence got it's tail bitten off.

"You've promised what?"

"I've promised myself to get some work done today." Inside she cursed herself, both for being a coward and for lying to her friends. She could see Harry look pensively at her, maybe he wasn't buying it.

"Oh, come on. It's a beautiful Saturday morning, Hagrid is waiting and you want to see your books instead? What's wrong with you?"

Harry slowly interrupted. "Those books sure are appealing." No, he wasn't buying it a bit.

"Yes, they sure are." Now the irritation started to be evident in Ron's voice. "But what about us human beings?"

She sighed. "Ron, I finished my studies early yesterday so I could see you." That was a lie again, but he didn't need to know that. "Then I postponed the books so we could have breakfast together. I'm trying here. Can't we just try to make use of the time we have?"

Suddenly she was very tired, tired of the situation, tired of her boyfriend and tired of her own sneaky behaviour.

"As usual I have no choice when it comes to you." The bitterness was back. "You dictate it all."

"That's so not true! You asked me to come yesterday, and I came." She stood up, breakfast half eaten.

"On your terms, yeah."

With hands that were slightly shaking from the affect, she poured herself another cup of coffee. "I'm just going to bring this to the office, because I'm done here today. When you feel like stop whining and have a grown up discussion you can tell me." She nodded at her friend. "See you later Harry." Leaving the table with her cup she could feel the two boys' eyes in her back, and she didn't have to look back to know that one was seriously pissed off, and the other very thoughtful.

Walking as fast as she could without spilling her coffee she hurried towards the office. She really had a slow morning today, Draco must have been there for a while already. Slightly out of breath she entered the office. Of course Draco was there, he looked up from one of his books and nodded at her.

"You didn't have to run here, the books aren't going anywhere."

"No, I know, I just..." She put down her coffee, dropped her bag on the desk and sat down.

"...thought you should have some exercise on the way here?"

With a laugh she took out her books and placed the bag on the floor. "No, I was just in a bad mood and didn't want to keep you waiting."

"I kept myself busy. 'After breakfast' is a pretty wide time span." He gave her a searching look and hesitated for a moment. "Not that it is any of my business, but was maybe your boyfriend involved in your bad mood?"

There's the same moment of hesitation before she answered. "As a matter of fact, yes he was."

"And of course it's none of my business, and I'm just a stranger to you. But if you need to get it out, it's OK to talk with me, I don't mind."

Feeling surprised but also warm inside she looked at him. "No, it was just the same old thing. He wants me to spend all my time with him, I want to spend all my time with my books. At least in his world."

"But you know why you're studying as much as you do. You have goal. Is it worth to give it up for him? He will never understand, sorry to say, but he's not that type. I honestly have no idea why he came back here at all. With his reputation he must have been able to get a job without marks?"

"I believe both he and Harry came back because of me. Because I was persuading them to. _I_ believe it's important. Maybe it was wrong of me." She tilted her head. "And honestly, I don't see you as a stranger."

"You don't? But you know nothing about me?"

"I know enough. Would you consider me as a stranger?"

He stared at her for a moment. "No... no, I won't. I feel like I know you."

"You see." The smile was warm and a bit amused. "So, you're doing Potions?"

"Yeah, but just while I was waiting for you. I thought we could finish Transfiguration?" The Potions book got replaced by another, and he gave her a questioning look.

"Sounds good." With new energy she took out parchment and quill, feeling the satisfaction that only studies gave her.

They worked in silence, interrupted by discussions about details that were a bit fussy or just interesting. Soon they were done with the Transfiguration.

"Any other plans? Or Potions?" Draco turned to her with a lifted eyebrow.

"Potions, of course." She shrugged and smiled. "If I go back now I'll have to face Ron, and honestly, I don't have patience with him right now." For some reason she always felt so carefree during their study sessions. She knew that there's a big problem with Ron, and their relation, but it just seemed so insignificant right now. In this room, with her books and her study partner she felt free.

"Potions it is." With a nod he switched book again. "And not that I object, but I just wonder. Don't you have other friends? Sometimes it sounds like your Ron is all over your free time. That can't really be good for a relationship." He raised his hands. "Not that it's any of my business this time either."

Picking up her book she couldn't help a smile. "Let go of that apologising all the time, you are allowed to ask things. Stop treating yourself like you're some inferior being. With me you're just a friend. OK?" Placing the book on the desk her smile faltered and she sighed. "Yes, I have other friends, and I see them far too little. Harry and I manage to steal some time every now and then, but I barely have time for Ginny any more. We see each other all the time of course, but there's no real quality time." Tilting her head, she looked at him. "What do your friends say about you studying?"

"Theo understands, I believe. He studies a lot, but he hasn't this mentor business to take care of." An amused smile woke on his lips. "And Pansy... well, she can be a bit whiny sometimes. She's here because her parents decided it, not because she wants it or has any ambitions herself. In her opinion, it wouldn't be bad if I spent a little more time with her."

"You know how it is then. Hopefully Parkinson isn't as much of an absolute pain as Ron can be. Not that it would surprise me though."

"You don't like Pansy."

"No, I can't say that I do. Sorry." There was a shrug. "So, how bad does she get?"

He gave her a long, thoughtful look. "Well, I have an advantage that you haven't." Looking away from her he spoke straight out in the air with an expressionless face. "I can't believe I'm telling you this." He fell silent.

"Right now you're not telling me anything."

With a face that clearly told that he was acting against his better judgement he turned back to her. "Well... I have this." He pointed at his underarm. "And however much I hate it, it actually comes with a fair degree of respect from some people. I don't know, maybe they think I'ill start casting Cruciatus curses high and low if they offend me." The sigh was tired. "Not everybody, far from that. I don't think It'll work on you, for one."

"No, I can't say that your Mark makes me respect you, sorry." Her face was very doubtful. "But you mean that Voldemort still have followers in this school? Which isn't that strange if you think about it."

"No, no, that's not what I mean. It's possible that there are those who still are loyal to the cause, but they know too well that I'm not. Most of them would despise me." He looked worried. "I mean that people are afraid of me. A lot of the younger students barely dare to be in the same room as me, and many of the older students seem very keen of avoiding me. Not because they detest me, those usually show it openly, but because... well I don't know what they imagine that I will do. I shouldn't have told you this."

"You mean that Parkinson is afraid of you."

"Well not afraid per se, but she does have some respect for me. She bitches a lot now and then, but she never dare to make me really angry." His posture seemed to collapse a bit. "What a glorious person I am. Even those close to me are afraid of me."

"I am not afraid of you." Hesitantly she put a hand on his arm. "Not because I don't believe that you've been capable to a lot of horrid things, but because I don't believe that you will do it now." A mischievous smile flashed up. "And because I believe that if you tried to pull something off I would be able to take you."

His smile was filled with self loathing. "I would be crazy to attack you. If I don't want the Ministry all over me."

"What do you mean?"

"Just because I've passed the test and kept myself out of Azkaban doesn't mean that they have let go of me. They're still watching me, and they wouldn't hesitate to put me on a new trial."

"Oh. I didn't know."

"It's not really anything most people walk around thinking about."

"Probably not." Her expression was matter-of-fact. "Well, Ministry or not, I'm not really worried that you would attack me."

He smiled weakly. "You are pretty safe you know, from everyone. You're Harry Potter's best friend, anyone tries to hurt you and they have to answer to him. No one is that stupid."

"I can take care of myself, thank you very much." The smile was suddenly a bit sad. "You are the scary Death Eater, I am Harry Potter's friend. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just be Draco and Hermione?"

"In my case, that will never happen. The Mark will never vanish, and not what it stands for. I will never be able to wash away my past."

"Maybe not." She gave him an inquiring look. "But you'll be able to complement it with other things. That you have a heavy past doesn't mean that you can't have a good future. There will be good things happening in your life too." With an amused smile she tilted her head. "I'll be presumptuous enough to count myself amongst those things."

His face became calm and expressionless. "Yes, it was sure not foreseen. Even though Pansy think that I should start to run before I fall victim to Potter's new plot."

"Parkinson is paranoid. And I believe that Harry is too."

"You can't really blame them. What would you say if it was Potter and Pansy who had befriended each other?" A wry smile appeared.

"I would probably say that he had gone fully and totally insane." She laughed quietly. "We probably have, you know that?"

"Yeah." The smile was warm and had lost the pain from earlier. "But what do you say, should we check on that Potions assignment?"

o O o

The winter had slid in place and the Sunday morning was cold. Christmas leave was closing in, and with just a handful days left the students started to lose focus on the studies. The anticipation of many free days to come was almost palpable. Hermione was going to the Burrow for Christmas, and she was looking forward to the holidays. There had been a lot of studies lately, she wanted to be able to have free time for real, not being immersed in books all day. She just needed to hold on a couple of days more, and it was working quite well. But today was different. This morning she woke up and felt restless and worried, she couldn't sit down with her books now, she needed some time alone with her thoughts. Quietly she got dressed and sneaked down to the kitchen, she needed coffee to figure this day out.

The kitchen was warm, and the elves was already busy with cooking, not clear if it was breakfast or early start with lunch or both of it. Hermione felt the unmotivated stress starting to subside, and she got this feeling that she wanted to stay here and never go back to her complicated life that waited her in the Gryffindor Tower.

With a lot of stammering and a burning shame she asked the closest elf if it was possible to stay in a corner with her coffee. She knew that she was betraying S.P.E.W., but she just couldn't help herself, so she kept talking to the elf in a convincing voice. Just this once, just her. She would be quiet and sit still. The elf looked a bit hesitant, but beamed at her and led her to a corner of the kitchen where a low bench was placed. She sat down thankfully, but before she had time to thank the elf he was gone, just to come back with a friend and a very low table. After that he came back with a silver tray with a cup, a pot of coffee, a small one with milk and a small bowl of sugar in his hands.

When Hermione tried to thank him again he just bowed deeply and then disappeared again. She felt the blush on her cheeks, she really didn't want to use the elves like this, and she tried to tell herself that they really didn't mind it. Still feeling ashamed of herself, she poured the coffee and added some milk. After the first sip she felt the shame wash away too, and she moved on the bench until she found a good position to sit in. She sighed, and got hold of the thoughts that were the reason that she came here.

She had changed. Lisa was right, she wasn't the same girl she was two years ago. She remembered how hurt she was when she saw Ron and Lavender together, how much she wished for him to see _her_, see her as something more than a friend. How she tried to balance the important things that was happening around her against her feelings and all the space they were taking.

But then last year came, and however much she felt for Ron it had to be placed in the bottom of her bag together with all the other things down there that might be good for something some other time. And then he left them, and after that it was something missing in her life, she couldn't deny that. Did she start to fall in love with Harry back then? Was that what was happening? She still had no answer to that question, but she kept comparing Ron to Harry, it had to count for something. Frustrated she left Harry and went back to what was important. Their kiss the day of the great battle. The joy, the energy, the bliss. The days after when they were inseparable, and everything was, finally, right and as it was supposed to.

And then came the summer. The war was over, and it was time for a new life. Yes, that was when she started to change. When she decided to get a new life. And in this new life all that was before got reconsidered. Harry passed the test with flying colours, Ginny passed too, and yes, so did Ron. But what about their relationship?

When school started came the real exam. Her decision to get top marks in all her subjects, to be able to choose freely after school. And then the mentor business. Lots of busy time and a strained mood between that. Harry was there. As always. And Ginny... well she was there, but would she still be when she heard about Draco? Finally it came to Ron, and he just couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle her way of life. Her decisions and choices in life. The stress of school was just half a year more, but would he ever learn to handle her way of life, would he really change? She knew too well that hoping for that was a desperate wish, with very low probability to come true. And what did that make of their relationship? Could it be expected to function under those circumstances? She knew the answer, and she didn't like it.

To her dismay she realised that a tear had fallen down her cheek, and she hurried to dry it away before the elves noticed. She knew that she had been heading this way for a long time, but she just didn't want to see. The problem was that she still loved him, she knew that too. But maybe not the way she was supposed to. She kept coming back to the 'old Ron', the one who above all was the loyal best friend. Maybe was that the Ron she wanted, the one who was like that. Maybe that was the way she loved him. Like a friend.

There's fear, of course. She knew that if she walked down this road she would be alone, without the stability that a serious relationship brought. Mandy was right too, this had been one of the reasons that she refused to see. Because she didn't want to leave what was safe. But she had to, she realised now. They couldn't go on like this, pretending that they could live like this. His lack of understanding and her lack of the right kind of love. The question was just how they would go on after this. Would she lose Ron totally? Would he pair up with Harry and make her lose Harry too? The fear was a painful knot in her stomach. But she really had no choice.

She served herself another cup of coffee while trying not to cry. It was silly to cry, she wouldn't do it. At least not here. And now she just had to get the courage to talk to him. The best should be to search him out and talk to him at once, of course. But it was soon Christmas, and she really didn't want to destroy his holiday. No, she better go with him to the Burrow and pretend like everything was like it should be, and talk to him after the holidays. After all, she actually liked him a lot when he wasn't whining all the time.

It _should_ be doable.


	7. Christmas

**Chapter 7 – Christmas**

Hermione liked the Burrow. There's warmth and love everywhere, enough for the guests and the neighbours too. Unfortunately, after all that's happened, there's some sorrow too, and there's not much to do about it. The family had to be allowed to mourn in peace. She imagined that it was worse now when Christmas was at the door, all the memories of past holidays coming back, reminding them of what they had lost. Mrs. Weasley wasn't showing any signs to let it change the Christmas traditions, and she was just as welcoming as always. They all took their luggage upstairs, Hermione was given a bed in Ginny's room. She was looking forward to it, hopefully it meant that they would get some time together, just the two of them.

The weather had been grey and windy for some days, but the day before Christmas Eve dawned calm and blue with a clear sky. Hermione and Ginny was sitting at the breakfast table when the tired winter sun struggled up over the horizon. Mrs Weasley could be heard humming from the next room, Mr Weasley was already at work, and Harry and Ron were nowhere to be seen.

"We should go outside today." Hermione wrapped her hands around her cup of coffee. "It looks like it could be a wonderful day."

"Yeah, I totally agree. Let's hope the boys wake up soon." Ginny poked at her eggs, pushed them around the ceramic plate like she was trying to decide whether to eat them or not.

Inward, Hermione cursed, she had hoped for some hours alone with Ginny and away from Ron. It was getting harder and harder to avoid for them to spend time in private, and she didn't want to play the 'I have to study' card too often. This was supposed to be fun after all, and her studies were not good for Ron's mood. She must admit that a walk outside would be better though, there would be no physical contact except holding hands, and that was pretty harmless.

The girls stayed at the table after they had finished, waiting for their boyfriends to show up. After a good amount of time they finally entered the kitchen, and while the early risen refilled their cups with coffee and tea, the boys tuck into their breakfast.

"We were thinking about taking a walk after breakfast, what do you say? The weather is really nice." Ginny gestured towards the window with her cup, almost spilling tea over the table.

"Yeah, why not," more interested in the food than in his sister, Ron went for the sausages.

"Harry?"

"Sure," he agreed pleasantly, "We can use some fresh air."

Hermione watched him closely. She still wasn't sure about her feelings for him. Just as with Ron she knew that she loved him, but if it was more than between good friends, well, that she didn't know. She had this stupid idea that if she wasn't interested of Ron any more, maybe she had found someone else? And in that case, Harry was very likely.

When they were all done with breakfast they helped clear the table, and then went to get their coats. Outside it was cold but clear, the grass crunched under their feet as they turned their back to the nearby village and headed for the nearest hill. The sun was warm on their faces, and Hermione was quite satisfied with her situation for the moment. The other three started to talk about Quidditch, but she was content with trailing behind, enjoying the morning. She wondered what Draco was doing now. Was he also enjoying nice weather, or was he inside, socialising with his mother? Or maybe he was studying? She couldn't help smiling.

"Share with us, Hermione. You look happy, what are you thinking about?" Ginny had turned and looked at her, and now the others did too.

"Oh, it's just such a nice morning. I like taking a walk, I don't do it as much as I should." More lies.

"Of course you're not taking any walks, you can't do that with a book in your hand." Ron's voice was playful, but there was something sharp and careful underlying his words. Her smile froze.

"Well I can, but I have to find a spell that stops me from walking into things first." With a wink she laughed with the others, and sent a smile to Ron. She would not take his bait and start their quarrelling again. Honestly it had been easier than she thought, not only because they were away from school.

When she took the decision that she had to break up with Ron something had happened inside her, like something heavy had lifted off her. With that decision in mind it was easier to have patience with him, and she wasn't feeling irritated all the time any more. She still didn't know what to tell him though.

"It's so nice to be away from school! I really needed this." Ginny stretched her arms towards the sky, lifted her face to the sun and just stood like that, smiling.

"It sure is." The boys turned their faces to the sun too.

Hermione looked at them and suddenly she felt very left out. She missed school, she missed the studies, and above all she really missed studying with Draco. She hadn't known how much she appreciated their meetings, what it meant to have someone like-minded to spend time with. Well, she had to see it positively. She had a really nice holiday when she could calm down and relax, and when it was over she would have something good to come back to.

The walk turned out to be a long one, and when they came back the lunch was already on the table. They ate with good appetite, afterwards Ron challenged Harry on a game of chess, which he gladly accepted. Ginny and Hermione sat in the kitchen with Ginny's owl Susurri, a gift from her parents when she started her last year on Hogwarts.

"Isn't it fantastic when you think about it?" Ginny patted her owl on the back.

"What is fantastic?"

"That we're all here, all four of us. Somehow we got through the war and managed to hold on to each other. I was so afraid I was never going to see Harry again, and if he really would want me still if everything worked out." She smiled a contently, wide and happy. Hermione felt a chill run up her legs, pricks over her spine. This might be bad. "And here we are, together."

"Yeah..." This could get uncomfortable. She didn't want to share the news with Ron's sister before she told him.

"And you and Ron... I thought you would never get there. He can be a bit of an idiot sometimes, can't he?"

"He sure can."

Ginny laughed. "But you're here now, and that's what matters." The smile turned serious. "He's had a hard time this year."

"What do you mean?" Hermione tried hard not to go into defensive stance.

"With you. You've been busy a lot, and he's been very sad about it. He never says anything, but I can read him."

"He never says anything?" This was just too absurd. "Where have you been? He haven't done anything but told me how wrong I am."

Her friend gave her a thoughtful look. "I know, but what I mean is that he's not just bitching around, he has actually been really sad."

"Oh. Well... It's not as if I've done anything with the purpose to hurt him." She could hear how defensive she sounded.

"I know, I know. I just thought that you should be aware of it."

"But I am. I know how much I hurt him, but I have no choice. And no, don't tell me that I always have a choice. If I'm supposed to manage this mentor work and get good marks, then I don't have any other choice but to study as much as I do."

"Maybe not." Her face was actually not doubting, more sympathetic. "He knows that too, you know. He just don't like it."

Hermione ached to tell her friend of their situation, of _her_ situation, and her decision. To get support and consolation. But it was of course impossible. She couldn't sit here, in Ron's home and talk to Ron's sister about how their relationship had broken apart. Definitely not when she hadn't even talked to Ron about it yet.

"You look perfectly heartbroken, let's talk about something else." Ginny reached out and pressed her hand.

"Is there a problem, dear?" Mrs. Weasley entered the kitchen and looked concernedly at Hermione's dejected face.

"No, no problem." She tried to lighten up a bit. "We're just talking about studies."

"Just hold out another half a year and it will be over," she tutted, bustling over to the window. "It's awfully cold winter today, do you want some hot tea?" Without waiting for answer she started to take out cups and a pot.

The girls looked at each other, they both had seen the red in Mrs. Weasley's eyes.

"Yes please, Mum, that would be awesome."

"Go on into the other room and sit in front of the fire. I'll be right there with the tea."

Harry and Ron was sitting at the table, and the girls sat down in front of the fire. After some time Mrs. Weasley came in with a tray, filled with cups and a plate with biscuits. Hermione got a hot cup of tea, some home-made biscuits, and a rug over her feet. She realised that it was the first time since she got here that she really relaxed. Right now everything felt good.

Christmas day dawned, and one after another the inhabitants of the Burrow woke up. Hermione was happy to see that Ginny's perfume was a success, as was the exquisite bracelet she had helped Harry to choose for his girlfriend. She was happy that she had let go of the romantic path when it came to Ron, and instead chose a Christmas gift that more spoke of friendship. A Chudley Cannons scarf was safe, something that didn't feel like a betrayal of her feelings. Or more accurately, her lack of them.

Breakfast was a cheerful event. Mrs. Weasley showed some signs of crying, puffy eyes, red nose, but it didn't seem to affect her Christmas mood. Ron was sitting with his arm around Hermione, but right now not even that could get her out of the buoyant, light-hearted Christmas cheer pulling her up. There was a short sting in her heart when she thought about it, how nice it would have been to be in love with him and feel that tingling feeling when he was close. Now she felt nothing. The thoughts quickly got washed away by one of George's jokes, and she laughed with the others.

After breakfast Ginny insisted that she wanted to see Harry's Christmas gifts, and the four of them climbed the stairs to Ron's room. They sat on the beds and talked when there was a tapping on the window. Outside was a handsome owl, who Ginny went to let in. She opened the window and looked at the package it was carrying.

"Hermione, it's for you, do you want me to grab it?"

"Yes, please." She took the parcel from Ginny and looked at it. It was carefully wrapped in brown paper, and her name was neatly written in – her heart made a double beat – green ink.

"Aren't you going to open it?" Ginny looked really curious. "Who is it from?"

Slowly she started to open the paper. The parcel was almost half the size of a thin book, and about the same weight. When she opened it a bar of chocolate and a small white card fell out, and she hurried to pick up the card before anyone else saw it.

_I found this and thought that it might suit you._

_Merry Christmas_

_Draco_

She mentally sighed of relief, this she could show the others. This was what a mentor could send to another. The only problem was that it was signed with his first name. Maybe she shouldn't show it after all. She picked up the chocolate and couldn't help smiling. Milk chocolate with coffee flavoured filling.

"What does it say?" Ron looked as curious as his sister. "Who sent it to you?"

"Oh, it's just..." She shot a glance at Harry. He did not look curious, and when she smiled at him he just showed a grim face. "...a Christmas gift." There were no getting away from this. "From Malfoy."

You could hear a pin drop. All three stared at Hermione, two in utter surprise and one with a troubled face. Slowly Ginny found her voice.

"Malfoy sent you a gift? Why?"

"Well, we're mentors together, he probably tries to be polite."

"Really?" The doubt was obvious on her face.

Ron's eyes narrowed. "He's sending you a Christmas gift since you're both mentors. Isn't that a bit presumptuous? I mean, why would you accept something like that? If there isn't something you're not telling us."

"I don't know what that should be. We've been spending some time together, that's all." It was not likely that she would be able to keep her friendship with Draco a secret any more, but she tried to fade it down as much as she could.

"Spending time together? I don't like the sound of that." He reached out a hand. "Let me see that card. If it isn't a secret, of course."

And there she was trapped. She had to show it now or she would look even more suspicious. With a sigh she gave it to him and watched him read it closely a couple of times.

"'Draco'. Do you feel like explaining why you're on a first name basis with a stinking Death Eater?" He started to look angry.

"Well... It just turned out like that." The excuse came out sounding just as lame as it was.

"Wait a minute." Ginny looked somewhere between worried and disgusted. "You're friendly with Malfoy? The detestable, slimy, Slytherin lowlife?"

Hermione thought about it for a couple of seconds. She could go on trying to dodge their questions, or she could just tell the truth. It wouldn't be fun, but she was tired of hiding.

"Yes, I have. And when you get to know him he's not that bad actually."

"Please tell me you're kidding." Ron stared at her, anger rising. "Are we talking about the same person? The one who's been nothing but mean and an insufferable bully throughout the years? The freaking filthy _Death Eater_?"

"Yes, but-"

"Are you out of your mind? This ends here." He waved with the card in the air.

"You have no right to say something like that. That's my decision, and I'm not going to break up my friendship with Draco just because it doesn't suit you." The well-known irritation surfaced.

"If you think you can run around fraternising with Death Eaters without anyone objecting, you're thoroughly wrong!"

"Stop calling him Death Eater!"

"But Hermione..." Ginny frowned. "...he _is_ a Death Eater. You can't deny that. Whatever he might tell you or what you believe, that's a fact." There was a warning in her eyes. "You're a clever girl, you should know better than to spend time with someone like him."

"And talking about that." With a bitter face Ron slammed down the card on the bed. "When did you spend all this friendly time with him? Maybe when you told me you hadn't time to see me because you had to study? Did you go to see him then?"

"It hasn't been like that. We have been studying together, that's all." She tried to sound carefree.

"But studying with us obviously isn't good enough for you. You need something more exciting. So you sneaked off to see him instead."

"I haven't been sneaking anywhere! I've been taking care of my studies in the most effective way I could find, and that's really what's important here. That I happened to befriend Draco was a by-product of that."

"'Happened to'. So you at least admit that getting to know Malfoy was a mistake?" The anger in Ron's voice was soaked with bitterness.

"I didn't say that, stop twisting my words. Draco is my friend, live with it!"

"You're not really believing that, are you?" Ginny stared sceptically at her. "That you're going to drop the bomb about being friendly with that creep, and then just expecting us to 'live with it'?"

"Don't you understand who we're talking about here? If it was a common Slytherin I'd be upset, but this is sodding _Draco Malfoy_." He picked up the card again, glared at it, and threw it back on the bed as if it was something filthy. "What, are you going on a friendly visit to Malfoy Manor with him, and have a nice chat with his father too?"

"Lucius Malfoy is in Azkaban, don't be silly."

Disbelief spread over Ron's face. "But you're really ready to get back to the Manor? What's wrong with you?"

"Oh, stop it, I didn't say that either, I only pointed out that his father is in Azkaban, and that's a pretty important thing here. Why don't you think isn't Draco?" She was irritated, defensive and a bit scared of where this argument would lead.

"That's a big fat question, yes! Why isn't he?"

"He's not in prison because he doesn't deserve to be. Because the authorities didn't find him guilty. So neither should you." The last words came out very hard.

"That's such bullshit!" Ginny jumped up from the bed. "We all know what he did, he sure is guilty of being a callous, blameworthy bastard! And that's not to talk about the crimes he took part in."

"He's just trying to create a new life for himself, and it will never work as long as people are so prejudiced."

"Prejudiced? You think we have a problem with prejudice?" A shake of anger could be heard in Ron's voice. "Well, if you think that we've judged him beforehand, you're sure right. If you had any sane part of your mind you should too."

"This discussion is pointless. You're not interested in listening."

"Listening to you defending a Death Eater? No, I think not." A frown appeared on Ron's face. "Harry, why are you so silent? Don't you have anything to say? Maybe you can get her think better of it?"

With a sigh Harry looked at Hermione. "I believe this is extremely wrong, but I also believe that Hermione is old enough to make her own mistakes. I'm sure this is one, but I don't think I'll be able to talk her out of it. It's her decision after all."

"That's all?" Ron stared at him in disbelief. "Now wait a minute. Why aren't you surprised? You already knew!"

"Yes, I did. And I've already told her that he's up to no good and that he's going to hurt her, but she doesn't listen to me either."

"Am I the only one with problems accepting that she's consorting with the enemy?" Ginny were still standing between the beds with a hard face.

"No!" Her brother threw his arms in the air. "Not only does she condone his actions, she's actually defending him!"

"I do nothing of the kind! I'm not defending his former actions, I just... You're hopeless!" She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She heatedly wished that she never met Draco Malfoy. It took just a moment before she regretted the last part. She was very happy that she had met this new Draco, and no one should tell her differently. "Draco is a nice guy, and if you can't see it it's your loss." She snatched the card from the bed. "And please stop talking about me as if I'm not here."

"You're insane. There's no other explanation." Her boyfriend glared at her with a hostile face.

"I don't believe we're getting anywhere here." Ginny spoke with restrained anger. "We're thinking that you're wrong, you think your despicable actions are right. We've been friends too long and through too much for this to crumble our friendship, but do not for a second believe that I'm forgetting about this. I'm out of here." She pushed her way through the others and exited through the door. They could hear her stomp down the stairs until the footsteps disappeared.

The remaining Weasley pressed his lips together and stared at Hermione for a couple of seconds. "She's right you know. Your point of view is detestable, no one can tell me anything else. But I have to admit that you're still my girlfriend, and I guess that makes me withstand this idiocy of yours. But don't talk to me right now, because at the moment I don't want to see you." With this he stood out and disappeared after his sister.

The two remaining friends was sitting on opposite beds, just staring at each other. She looked dejected and he thoughtful. After some time he opened his mouth.

"Well, that went relatively well."

Hermione looked at him, and then she started to laugh. The so far forcefully withheld tears trickled down her cheeks until she pulled herself together.

"You're the one hating Draco the most, and still you're here."

"Yes, I know. Isn't it strange." With a tilt of his head he seemed to analyse this for a moment. "I guess I just believe that you're in a bad place right now, and you've always been standing next to me when I've been in most need of a friend." He looked down and then back up at her. "I firmly believe that you will end up hurt in one way or another, and then I will be here. It's as simple as that."

"That means a lot to me, you know. Especially now when the others are reacting so badly."

"They will come around, don't worry. Give them some time to get used to the idea, and then it will be back to normal. They like you too much to let this come between you. I promise."

"You weren't behaving this badly. You just more or less accepted it at once."

He smiled and shook his head. "It was different for me. I suspected it before I talked to you, I had my time to think it through in peace and quiet before confronting you."

"Yeah, maybe that would be a difference. I just wish they weren't so angry at me. It's so stupid all of it, it's just a new friend."

"You know that it's more than just a new friend. If you think back to the time when you hated him too, you can understand them." With a sigh he stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. "Why don't you stay up here for a while, and I'll go down and do some damage control."

"Do you think I can stay in Ginny's room? I have all my stuff there."

"Yeah, sure. I don't believe they will come back up for some time." He went for the door, speaking over his shoulder. "It will turn out fine, don't worry. See you later."

Hermione sat thinking on the bed for a minute more before standing up and walking the stairs down to Ginny's room. Upon arriving there she took out some writing material and sat down to compose a thank you to Draco.

_Draco,_

_Thank you very much for the chocolate, I'm sure I will love it. It was very_

_nice of you to buy it for me, now I feel stupid for not having anything for_

_you. Your gift did cause some commotion around here, the others didn't_

_like me saying that you sent it because you are my friend. I hope it will_

_blow over soon. All this free time is restful, but I still miss our study _

_sessions. See you back in school, and have a Merry Christmas!_

_Hermione_

She stared at it for a moment, muttered a quick _Incendio_ and the letter was gone. After writing and rewriting she decided on a short and terse one.

_Thank you very much for your gift, it was very thoughtful of you. I believe_

_it will suit me perfectly._

_Merry Christmas_

_Hermione_

There's so much more she wanted to say, but she decided that it would have to wait until they were back in school.

When she was satisfied with the letter she laid down on the bed and thought about her situation. Would things ever be good with her friends again? Right now it felt a bit hopeless. With a sigh she took out the book about advanced Ancient Runes to distract herself, and soon she had forgotten all about the problems with her friends. She was still lying there when Ginny came back.

"Oh. Hi." Ginny's words were still a bit frosty, but she didn't seem to be upset any more.

"Hi."

They both fell silent for some time, Ginny looking for something in her drawers and Hermione flipping the pages in her book.

"I was wondering a thing." Hermione tried to sound as casual as possible. "Can I borrow your owl?"

With narrowed eyes Ginny looked at her. "Not if you're writing to Malfoy, you can't."

"I just need to say thank you. Here, you can read it if you like." She held out the letter.

"I'm not interested in what you're writing to him, that's not my concern. I just don't want to help you to have any contact with him. At all."

"Please, it's just this one. It's just a thank you."

"Go borrow Ron's owl." Her face was stubborn.

"You know as well as I do that he would behead me if I tried. Or at least he would start yelling. A lot. I'm not up for that, are you?"

She sighed. "No, I'm not." The look she gave her friend was estimative and tired. "Fine. Use that bloody owl. But just this time. And don't tell anyone about it."

"Thank you." A ray of hope entered her chest. Maybe everything wasn't lost after all.

When she tied the letter to the owl's leg she thought about Draco, and what he might be doing when it reached him. At least he wasn't angry at her. Suddenly she couldn't wait to get back to school.

o O o

Hermione was awake, and it was still too early. But today was the last day of her relationship with Ronald Weasley, and she couldn't sleep. They both started the new term with being free until lunch, and she had arranged for them to meet a good time before that. It was easy to suggest that the two of them should take a walk together, and Ron had been very positive. But it was still a good amount of time until then, and she kept spinning in her bed.

Finally she gave up and left bed. Dressing quietly she picked up her books and her bag, and made it off to the common room. She wished she could go to the office and spend some time in Draco's company, it was always calming, but it was far too early for that. She wondered if he was still sleeping. He probably was. With a sigh she sat down at one of the desks and pulled one of the books toward her.

After reading for some time she picked up parchment and quill to take some notes. Looking for the ink her fingers closed on something different – her Christmas gift from Draco still in her bag. Hesitantly she picked it up, but then she decided that if she ever needed chocolate it was right now. Carefully she opened it and put a piece in her mouth. It was heavenly. The only problem was that the coffee flavour made her long for coffee, intensely. In a split second she made her decision, hurried to put all her things in the bag and jumped up from the desk. It was still much time left until she should meet Ron.

She hurried down the corridors, and soon she reached the kitchen. Slightly flushed she asked if there possibly was a cup of coffee for her, and waited for the delighted elves to find some. This was so wrong, she knew that, but she really needed that coffee. It was only a cup of coffee, not like she asked them to cook a whole meal for her. Firmly she decided that this was an isolated incident, and as such, it didn't really count. When the elf came back she carried a tray with a whole pot on it, stating that Hermione looked like she could use more than one cup. She couldn't help smiling, the elf was probably right. She took the tray, and after some thinking she headed for the office instead. She wanted to be alone with her coffee and her chocolate, and not too far from now, the students would start coming down in the common room. In the office, the only one that might show up this time today was Draco, and she could live with that. He knew to be quiet if needed, and he wouldn't bat an eyelid over her coffee.

The office was blissfully quiet and empty. She sat down, poured herself some coffee and took out the chocolate. One of the books was unpacked, but not opened. What was she going to say to Ron? When the first cup of coffee was finished she had made some progress with the chocolate bar, but that was it. She still hadn't opened her book, and she was no closer to figure out how to break it to Ron.

_'Oh, look how beautiful the snow is, and by the way, let's break up.'_ No, not really_. 'I just want you to know, it's not you, it's me.' _Too old. _'I'm sorry, I do love you but we are too different.'_ It did have possibilities. She sighed and put her head on her arms on the desk. Maybe it was better to just let it come naturally, maybe start with the loathed _'We have to talk', _and then just take it from there. She sighed again and sat up, poured herself another coffee and opened her book. There would obviously not be any advancement on the Ron problem, so she could just as well take some time for her studies. She still had some time before she needed to get her outer garments and meet up with Ron.

Some time later she stood in the common room, books back in the dormitory and clothes on. Now all that was missing was Ron. She had brought a piece of the chocolate and was nibbling nervously on it. When Ron entered the room she hurried to finish it, no need to start it all with reminding him of Draco. After the argument at Christmas Day it had mostly been good. No one had mentioned Draco, and even if things had been a bit chilly in the beginning it had soon gone back to more or less normal. Ron came over to her, dressed for the winter too.

"Ready to go?" He looked happy and expectant.

"Yes, of course. I went up early."

"Why am I not surprised?" With a laughter he reached out for her hand. "You really meant this about taking more walks, didn't you?"

"I guess I did." This was uncomfortable. Did he have to be so happy to see her?

"It was a really good idea anyway. Next time we bring Harry and Ginny too."

"Mhm."

"So, where do you want to go?" With a smile he pressed her hand. "We can go past Hagrid?"

"No, I don't think so." She did _not_ want to stop and talk to Hagrid right now. "I was thinking around the castle and then passing the Whomping Willow." No one else should be going there now.

"OK, then we take that way."

They left the castle and started to walk their decided course. Ron was talking animatedly, and didn't seem to notice that Hermione was much quieter than usual. When they reached the big tree she hesitantly tried to interrupt his talking.

"Ron, I was thinking..." What was she doing, was this really what she wanted?

"Oh yes, what?"

"About us. And the war and the time after that, and how it has affected us. Who I am, and who you are." If she hurried to say it, it was easier.

"Soo…?" He looked confused.

"I have changed. I'm not the same girl who came back to Hogwarts two and half a years ago. Neither am I the girl who camped out in the forest last year."

"I guess that makes sense." The confusion was still there.

"You know how I've always said that I had to create a new life for me. I just didn't realise that I had to change too, not just my life. But I have changed. And I believe you have too." If this just wasn't so hard.

Ron raised his eyebrows. "You think I've changed?"

"Yes, I believe we have grown, both you and me." She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath and then looked up at him again. "And sometimes people grow apart."

"What do you mean? I don't understand what you're talking about." There was a worried edge in his words.

"You are not the boy I fell in love with any more. And even if you don't want to see it, I am not the same girl you fell for. We've changed."

"So what? People change all the time."

"Yes, they do. But in our case it doesn't work out. I'm sorry." There. Now it was said.

"You think that we have to work on our relationship, is that it? You don't believe it works?"

"No, that's not it. I believe we're past the fixing stage. I don't think there is anything fixable left."

He stared at her with a blank face. "Hermione. Are you trying to break up with me?"

"Yes." However much she believed that she was doing the right thing she couldn't help the tears from gathering in her waterline.

"I see." Falling silent he turned around until he stood with his back to her. She stared at him, trying to find something to say and just coming up empty. Slowly he turned back again.

"Malfoy put you up to this."

"What?"

"You heard me. He's behind this in some way." The anger was tightly restrained.

"Of course he isn't, don't be stupid. This is about you and me."

"There's no reason why you should get such a stupid idea on your own. Someone talked you into saying this, and I bet that it's him." He ran a hand through his hair, clearly upset. "Well, it's no use, because I'm not allowing this."

"You can't just _not allow it. _I'm sorry, I really am, but this is how it is. And it's over."

"Is it about your studies? Is it?" The anger started to surface.

"No. Or well, maybe in some way. But it's not the reason, it's just a symptom." Why couldn't Ron just accept it so they could get it over with?

"You're angry at me because I'm angry at you because you never have time with me, and now you're trying to get back at me by saying that you want to break up. Do you expect me to have some way to solve this, just like that?"

"Don't you get it? I don't want to be your girlfriend any more."

It became quiet, and Ron looked like she had slapped him. After a some time she tried to break the silence.

"But I do want to be your friend. We have been friends for such long time, it would feel really bad to lose that friendship. You and me and Harry, you know. Friends forever, right? We would always..." She could hear herself rambling, and her voice died out when he gave her a look filled with hate.

"I don't care... I just..." There was a pause while he tried to calm his breathing. "Screw you." He turned around and started to walk back towards the castle at a brisk pace.

Hermione looked after him, and it felt like something inside her was broken. She knew that she had made the right decision, but it still hurt a lot. Slowly, she followed Ron's footprints back to the castle, but the closer she came to the Gryffindor Tower, the slower did she walked.

What would they say? What would Harry think about it? Ginny? It didn't look good for her, first consorting with Draco, and then breaking up with Ron. She hoped she would have friends left when this was over. Tears threatened her with their presence again, she pressed her lips together and went on towards her dormitory. If she only could sneak in, get her books and sneak out again she could flee to the mentors' office until next class.

She was lucky, neither Ron, Harry or Ginny was anywhere to be seen. With the bag on her shoulder and some books in her arms she hurried through the castle until she came to the office. She entered the empty room. Then she dropped the books and her bag where she stood, sat down with the back to the door and cried.


	8. Aftermath

**Chapter 8 – Aftermath**

Classes were over for the day, and Hermione had successfully managed to avoid her friends. They had been grouped together all day, so it hadn't been that hard to evade them. Now she was going for the office, she had been foresighted enough to bring all she needed from the dormitory before lunch, so she could go straight there. She couldn't decide if she wanted Draco to come or not. On the one hand she had missed their studies, but on the other hand she still felt like being alone. But thinking about it, spending time with Draco could be soothing, and exactly what she needed now. A friend.

When she reached the office it was empty, but if Draco was going to show up he would probably go to his dormitory first, so she still had time for him to turn up. She picked out her books and chose one, starting to read while having an eye on the door. After some time it became evident that Draco hadn't just been getting his books. She felt disappointment wash over her, it would have been nice with someone to talk to after all. Maybe not about Ron, but just someone being a friend. Dejected she turned back to her book and tried to focus on that.

About twenty minutes went by, and then the door opened. Draco entered, calm as always, but when he saw Hermione the serious face turned into a smile.

"I was wondering if I should find you here. I tried to talk to you after class, but you were so quick out of there."

"I'm always here, didn't you know?" She felt how the first smile since her talk with the elf this morning started on her face. "I wondered where you were though. I thought that maybe since it's first school night back..."

"Pansy needed some help, I promised I'd do it. But now I'm done with that." He sat down next to her and started to take out his books. "So, how was your Christmas?"

"It was relatively nice, actually. And thank you very much for the chocolate, I loved it."

"Relatively nice. It pretty much covers my Christmas too." He smiled. "And you're welcome, I'm glad you liked it."

"I felt a bit silly for not having bought anything for you though."

"Don't. You weren't supposed to. It was just a sudden whim from my side, I saw it and thought about you. I hope you don't mind?"

"No, not at all." A smile wavering between amusement and tiredness dawned on her face. "My friends did though."

"Your friends objected to me sending you gifts?"

"You can say that. I'm sorry, but they really don't like you." She smiled apologetically.

"But that's none of their business."

"I know that, and you know that, but they haven't really grasped that yet." The smile turned somewhat sour.

"I hope they didn't give you a lot of trouble. Why did you tell them anyway?"

"They were with me when your owl arrived, and of course they insisted to know who the gift was from. Facing that, well, maybe I didn't feel like dodging and lying as soon as it came to you any more." There was a short pause. "And then they read the card and saw that you had signed it with your first name, and everything got pretty bad from there."

"I'm sorry if I was the one putting relatively in front of nice." He looked down at the quill he was playing with with a worried face.

"No, no, it wasn't the reason, I just... I wasn't really in a perfect mood."

"I know the feeling. I can't say that I was in a perfect mood either."

"Why not?" The words were a bit hesitant. "If I may ask."

"You may." This time the smile was a bit sad. "As you know, last Christmas wasn't that...fun. With that so-called guest and all. He's gone now, obviously, but I can still feel him in the walls in some way. Being at the Manor isn't that great any more. But it is our home, so what to do but pretend it's fine?" The smile was nowhere to be seen now. "And then, as you also know, my father isn't there with us. Personally, I don't object, but the Manor is big and cold when it's empty. The big Christmas parties from when I grew up is nothing more than memories now."

Hermione looked at him attentively. "I do believe that those things can make things a bit grim. But you have your mother, at least."

"Yes, I have, and I am very thankful for that. She's a fine woman. And in my opinion, a good mother. It's not fun to leave her alone at home while I am here." He picked up the quill again. "I know that a lot of people don't like her. Not many like the Malfoy name any more."

"If you ask me, I would say that I'm one of the people who don't like her. But then again, I was wrong about you, so I believe I should keep an open mind when it comes to her too."

"That's very nice of you to say." The smile slowly came back. "So, what about you? What was the reason to your less than perfect Christmas mood?"

"Oh. Um. Well..."

"You don't have to tell me," he hastily said.

"No. I think I want to. It's just still hard." Her eyes started to sting, and she forced the tears back down. "It's just that... I decided to break up with Ron after all, but I didn't want to destroy his Christmas, so I didn't tell him until we were back here. And it was kind of hard to pretend to be the loving girlfriend when I knew what I had to do as soon as the Christmas was over."

Draco stared at her. "You've broken up with Weasley? When?"

"This morning. And I haven't talked to any of them today, so I don't know, maybe they all just hate me now." The tears rose in her eyes again. Wasn't it stupid that she could miss him so much when she knew that she had done the right thing?

"Unlike me you are not a person to hate, so I very much doubt that. You were considerate enough to let Weasley enjoy his holiday, and I believe it took a good deal of courage to do what you did today. You didn't do anything. Breaking up with someone is your right."

"I feel like the world's worst person right now."

"Don't." He quickly put his hand on hers, but just as quickly withdrew it. "You're kind, courageous and ready to endure pain to make others' life better." With a blank stare he looked away and then back to her. "Please don't be as saintlike as you sound, it really wouldn't be fun." A smile flashed up, and she couldn't help but smiling too.

"I'm no saint, I promise." She sighed and fought with the tears some more. "I just hurt Ron so much. He was so upset. I wished I could be there for him, to comfort him, but... It's not my job any more."

"If I understand it correctly he has both Potter and girl Weasley with him, he has nothing to complain of. You think at least one of them should be with you instead. They are your friends too, right?"

"But I was the one causing all this. And, I'm sorry to say, they still haven't dealt with my friendship with you."

There was a snort from Draco. "If they can't handle that they aren't very good friends. They're supposed to be there when you need them."

"At least I have one friend who supports me." She smiled and gave him a thankful look.

"I never thought I would see the day when I outshone Potter in a matter of good moral manner." His smile was amused and a bit self-ironic.

"Me neither, honestly." The amusement could be seen in her smile too.

"Am I too intrusive if I ask why you broke up with him?"

"No, you're not." There was a pause while she was tracing the edges of her book. "We just... We were different, and I felt that it was a problem. In my opinion our differences were just fine earlier, but something happened after the war. I guess we both just grew apart." She looked down and now the tears were close. "That, and the fact that I just didn't love him the right way any more. I never got to explain that to him though, he ran away before I got the chance."

"He ran away? That was mature." His voice dripped with irony.

"But he was upset, of course. We both thought this would last forever. Marriage, kids, standing at nine and three quarters with Harry, Ginny and their children. It was supposed to be the four of us." Now she couldn't stop her eyes from overflowing any more. "And now I've destroyed it all." With an angry hand she dried the tears.

He regarded her with a careful expression. "You did what you had to do. It's hard to see that now, but I believe you will feel better if you just give it some time. It's better to happen now, rather than with that life, the children and the marriage and the white picket fence."

"Maybe you're right." With wet eyelashes she looked up at him, but there was the hint of a smile. "I believe so too. I know I did the right thing." She found a handkerchief and dried her eyes. "If I should be honest, a great part of me is relieved that it finally is done, that it finally is over. No more arguing over my studies at the breakfast table. No more reasonless irritation as soon as he opens his mouth. No more being forced to be close to someone I don't have those feelings for. There are actually good things coming out of this too."

"Yes, there surely are. Don't forget that."

"I just don't know how I'm supposed to act around him now. If I should greet him as if nothing had happened, or if I should just ignore him, to keep staying away from him."

"As I told you before, maybe things haven't to be just black or white." His face was serious.

"How do you mean?"

"Maybe you don't have to choose one of the extremes. Well, I can see you saunter past him with an expression telling clearly how much he is unworthy of your time, but that doesn't really feel like you. I don't know, just say hi and smile and then change focus to something else?"

"The sauntering part would be satisfying in some way, but I believe he deserves better than that. Maybe the second part would be useful though. Thank you."

"Don't mention it." He shook his head. "I can't believe it. Here I am, giving love advice to a tearful girl. My father would be having a fit if he knew." With a thoughtful expression he tapped his lips with a finger. "Maybe I should write him a letter and tell him?" His smile was filled with bitterness.

"You don't like your father, do you?"

"I don't know what gave you that impression." He gave her a faux-patronising look, but then sighed as the bitterness came back. Looking away he started to talk again. "He never cared that much for me when I grew up, only having high expectations on me. Since I never could live up to them he was never that friendly. Then the war came, and I was really put to the test. He set the goals as usual, only that this time I didn't risk something like my marks, I risked my life. And he was fine with that. I wouldn't have this damn Mark if it wasn't for his selfish ambitions, and for some reason I have a hard time forgiving him for that." Finally he looked back at her. "No, I don't like him that much."

"But the Ministry could see those things and set you free at least."

The smile was hollow and tired. "Yes, but for how long?"

"What, you think they would change their mind?"

"There are a lot of students that despise me, and a lot who don't like having me as mentor. If enough of them complain to their parents, and enough of the parents complain to the Ministry... Well, they're bound to set up a new trial then. And then it's bye-bye teaching, or bye-bye Hogwarts, or hello Azkaban, or all, depending on how much luck I have."

"But that's not fair. You can't have that threat hanging over your head all life." She frowned and straightened up on her chair.

"Life isn't fair. And in my case it's mostly due to my dear father."

"I take it you don't have a big problem with having him in Azkaban then?"

"No, it's pretty nice to have him out of the picture. I'm sad that my mother is alone though, she actually likes him. And right now there is two reasons that I'm sad that he isn't at home. For one, it would be nice seeing him be foaming at the mouth over my friendship with you." There was a flash of an impish smile.

"And the second?"

He seemed to shrink on the chair. "Right now I'm singled out as one of the absolutely cleverest students in the school. It would be nice to show him at least once that I could accomplish something living up to his goals."

The silence stretched out between them. Hermione didn't know what to say, there really wasn't anything to say. She had always been a strange kid, loving her parents very much but not having that hearty kind of relationship that Ron had with his family. But that was nothing close to Draco's family. He obviously loved his mother a lot, and even though he had a lot of hate and wishes to rebel towards his father, there still was traces left of the small boy who idealised and wanting to please his parent. A parent that apparently hadn't been that nice to his son.

"You don't need his approval, you do know that?" Finally she found her voice again.

"Yes, I know. And it's just rubbish, nothing to listen to. I'm happy to have him rotting in Azkaban."

"He doesn't have to take any part in your new life."

"No. In this life I can do whatever I want without having old traditions, selfish pride and questionable ambitions breathing down my neck." He gave her a content smile. "I like this idea of yours about a new life. There haven't been much hope in my life the latest years, but I believe you've given me some."

She smiled at him and lifted out her Potions book. "What do you say about working a bit on that cleverness?"

His returning smile was satisfied, but there was something very serious deep in his eyes. "Absolutely."

o O o

When Hermione came back to her dormitory, Ginny was already in bed. She had been prepared to meet her friend, dreaded it, hoped for it. The coward in her was relieved, but she felt a bit disappointed too. The self-encouragement had been in vain. Now it was the next morning to wait for, and then there would be all of them. She probably wouldn't get to talk to any of them that time either. Why would any of them bother? With a bitter feeling in her chest she went to bed.

Next morning she woke up early as usual, and she took her books down to the common room. It was tempting to go to the office, but she didn't want it to look like she ran away. She might have done something bad and painful, but she actually hadn't done anything wrong. Strengthened by that thought, she picked a book at random and started to read on a cushy armchair.

"So, here you are." Harry's voice made her jump, and she turned to look at him.

He sat in the armchair next to her and sat down. They observed each other in silence for some seconds.

"I thought I might find you here. There was always the risk that you had gone to your office, but it seems like I was lucky." His face was serious and didn't reveal any emotions.

"No, I'm here." She hesitated. "I'm happy that you came to see me. I hope."

"I really don't know what to say. Have you really thought this through?"

"Yes, I have. A lot and for a long time. I'm sure about my decision." A great hopelessness came over her. "But it's still hard. I want to say the right words, to comfort him and make everything good again, but I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't take it back to where it was good. It hasn't been good for a long time now."

"I still think that... I don't know, maybe you could work your problems out? We all know that you've been arguing a lot, but don't you think..." His voice died away when he saw her shake her head.

"The problems are deeper than that. That is just a symptom." She sighed and carefully closed her book. "Things are not the same any more. My feelings are not the same."

"Are you trying to tell me that you don't love Ron? I will have a hard time buying that."

"I do love him. Just not... like that. Not like you love Ginny. Not like I should love him."

The silence fell again. Harry went over to the window and looked out. Around them more recently awakened students filled up the common room on their way to breakfast. Harry turned around. "Do you want to go for an early breakfast?"

"Sure, but... Wouldn't you want to wait for Ron instead?"

Harry looked over at her, "He has other friends, he'll survive." The first smile so far showed itself. It was small and a bit sad, but it was there. "Don't think that I don't realise that this is hard for you too. Even if you made the choice, you still have lost your partner. I believe that hurts too."

"Thank you." Her smile was grateful. "Let's go."

They started to walk through the castle, carrying their bags and books. They didn't really talk, some small comments about this or that was the only thing that interrupted the silence. Hermione didn't mind, it was a nice silence. Safe.

They chose a place far down the table, where there wasn't that many other students yet, and sat down opposite each other. She focused on the coffee, and once she had taken a sip, she shifted focus back to Harry. He was looking at her with that sad little smile of his.

"How long do you think it takes?" Hermione made a gesture towards the rest of the students with her cup.

"Takes for what?"

"Before people know about me and Ron. No one has said anything to me so far." Distractedly she reached out for a toast. "I don't know how many Ron has told. Or how many you and Ginny have talked to."

"The boys in the dormitory know now, so I guess it might be starting to spread soon. Who have you talked to?"

"Only Draco. He had some really good things to say actually." She remembered the suggestion about sauntering and an amused smile went quickly over her face.

Harry sighed deeply. "That guy is really not popular right now. Ron says that he has something to do with this, is that true?"

"No! I wish you wouldn't blame him as soon as something turns bad. It's just absurd, why should he even try to get me into something like this?"

"I don't know, maybe to destroy other people's happiness?"

"No. I can't make any guarantees when it comes to Ron, but I'm perfectly sure that he would never try to hurt me. But it's a futile discussion, because he had nothing to do with it whatsoever. He was really surprised when I told him."

"That's easy to fake though," Harry mumbled.

"Please, stop it. If you refuse to believe that he has changed, if you'd like him to be the epitome of evil, fine. But please believe me when I say that he would never wish me harm."

"So what does he say about this?"

"Well... A lot of nice things. That I did what I had to do, that I'm courageous and kind, that it will feel better with time... All things that I needed to hear."

"He was there for you." There was something regretting, almost longing in his voice.

"Yes, he was."

"I'm sorry, I should have been there for you too."

"You're here now." With a smile she reached out, pressed his hand and then let go of it again. "That's what's important."

He sighed and sat back while observing her. "And there is no chance that I can get you to reconsider this? Convince you that what you had is worth salvaging."

"No, I'm sorry. I... Wait a minute. Did Ron set you up to this? Are you here because he wanted you to coax me into going back to him?"

"No, I'm here because of you. Because I'm your friend. I just think it's sad to see you split up." A quick glance up the table made him smile. "And I believe there is someone else who wants to remind you of your friendship too."

Ginny came down the table, and sat down next to Harry. She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"There you are. I was looking for you in the common room." Sitting a bit turned to Harry it was obvious that she was only talking to him. She started to pour herself some tea, still not betraying with any part of her expression that she had taken any notice of her friend.

Hermione's inside hurt, and she looked out over the hall. And far away, on the other side of the room, she could see him. Draco was busy eating, Pansy next to him, of course. After a couple of seconds he moved his focus from the food to Pansy, and she could see him show a wry smile. Then he looked out over the students until his gaze fell on Hermione. He smiled and nodded at her, before turning back to his friend. Suddenly she felt strength flow through her.

"Good morning, Ginny." No more hiding in the background, she hadn't done anything wrong.

"Um, good morning." She looked up at Hermione and then back down again.

"Unfortunate this thing with me and Ron, don't you think?"

"Unfortunate? Is that all you have to say?" Ginny stared at her.

"No, I have a lot more to say, I promise, but I had to get your attention in some way."

"Oh. Well, it is sad. Ron is very upset."

"I couldn't agree more. Contrary to some beliefs, I didn't do this because I thought it would be a whole load of fun."

Slowly Ginny looked up at her. "I'm sorry. It's just... Ron is my brother, and he is in a whole lot of pain right now. Because of you." She held up a hand to stop Hermione from interrupting. "But you're right, you're not a mean bitch who did this to hurt him, I'm pretty sure of that."

"That's nice to hear." Her face lost its hardness and turned really sad. "How is he? How does he cope?"

"He's taking one day at a time. I don't believe all parts of him has understood it yet. Sometimes he's angry, sometimes he's sad, sometimes he forgets it for a moment and acts just as normal."

"He's asking what he did wrong a lot." Harry put down his goblet. "What he could have done different."

Suddenly it all became too much, and Hermione felt tears burn in her eyes. She blinked them away quickly. "I just don't know how to handle this. I miss him so much, and I hurt him so bad." She dried her eyes again with equal parts irritation and sadness.

"But then don't leave him. I'm sure he'd like for you to try again." There was some hope in Ginny's voice.

"No, I've made my decision." Slowly she took a couple of deep breaths. "This is what I want, even if it's hard right now. And if I should be honest... A good part of what I'm missing is not him, but our common dream of a life together. I'm sure he's doing the same."

"You think?"

"Yes. I mean, everybody thought that what Ron and I had was going to last forever. It's very strange when truth turns into fiction. What we had was, in many ways, solid and safe. A cornerstone in our lives." Her eyes started brimming with tears again. "And I've kicked it all to pieces."

Harry put his hand on hers and squeezed it gently. "But you know that it's true, it will get better with time."

"Yes, I know." She blinked back the tears. "I'm being such a baby about this. I should be able to behave better, after all this _was _my idea."

"You must be allowed to mourn too. Even if you were the one initiating it."

And then he saw him. Her until recently boyfriend was entering the Great Hall in the middle of a group of friends. As he came closer to the table Hermione's anxiety rose. He had to look for Harry and Ginny, and then he would see her. She repeated Draco's piece of advice to herself while waiting. And then he turned his head, noticed his friends and then his gaze fell on her. It was unexpectedly easy to smile at him, and she met his eyes for a moment. Firstly he looked mostly surprised, but then a very thin and hesitating smile could be seen. She nodded once at him, and then turned her eyes back to Harry.

This might just work out after all.

o O o

The days after the breakup came and went, and eventually turned to weeks. When almost a month had passed since that day, things were going back to some kind of normal. Harry shared his time between her and Ron, never taking sides but showing understanding and sympathy to both. With him, things were more or less like they were before all the fuss started.

When it came to Ginny, things were a bit different. She made it no secret, that Ron was her brother and had to come first. She told Hermione how sorry she was, but she couldn't choose over family. She never accepted that Hermione still spent time with Draco, and that was also something that had changed things. They still spent time together, breakfast and sometimes sat together in their classes they had together. But things weren't the same. The gap between them that Draco had started had been made ever deeper by her breakup with Ron. She liked to believe that Ginny was still her friend, but it just wasn't that easy any more.

And then there was Ron. The first tentative smile in the Great Hall had later been met by more of the same, but also serious and sad faces. The first time they talked to each other it was about the weather. Ron had ended up next to her on the way to Transfiguration, and commented that it looked like the snow was melting. She answered that it should mean that the Quidditch season was coming up. He smiled weakly, and then hurried to catch up with Harry who was walking some steps in front of them.

Some time later they had managed to stay in the same company, and even talk to each other just the two of them. It would take time to build up the friendship again, but she had high expectations that it would work out. The initial pain over splitting up was now gone, and it felt fresh and teasingly new to have left it behind. She was definitely not in love with him, and it was now clear that she hadn't been for some time.

It was Saturday night, and Hermione was sitting in the common room, reading the Muggle mystery book Draco bought in Diagon Alley. She had been allowed to borrow it if she promised not to tell anyone where it came from. Reluctantly he had admitted that it was good, and that he recommended her to read it. Draco himself was busy with Parkinson, and she enjoyed a well-earned night off. Looking up from the book she saw Harry and Ron coming down from their dormitory, heading straight for her table. Placing a bookmark in the book, she put it down.

"Hermione, you don't mind us sitting here, do you?" Harry slumped down in one of the chairs, Ron soon following suit.

"Of course not, I was just reading."

"That's not a school book." Ron's eyes narrowed, regarding the book suspiciously.

"No, it's a Muggle mystery. I bought it in Diagon Alley."

"Hm. I see." He seemed to relax a bit though, leaning back in the chair and stretched out his whole body. "With all the schoolwork they give us it feels like we're supposed to be here for two years and not one." Looking up at Hermione in alarm, he held up a hand. "No. No more studying tonight, I totally refuse." With an empty face he seemed to remember who he was talking to, looked away and pointedly ignored her.

Harry cleared his throat. "Look, there's Ginny." He waved at her to come over.

After saying something to the sixth-year girl she was talking to, she made them company and sat down next to Harry. "So, what's happening tonight?"

"Not much, I'm afraid." Her boyfriend took her hand and squeezed it. "Just hanging out the four of us sounds pretty good to me."

It was obvious that he was mediating some kind of peace between all of them, and tonight it worked surprisingly good. Hermione could still feel the negative energy that rolled off the Weasleys every now and then, but at least they were at the same place. She tried to talk to Ron a couple of times, but he just answered tersely, and went back to ignoring her.

"I can't believe that Hermione is with us here tonight – without schoolwork." There was a hint of malice in Ginny's voice.

Suddenly she missed Draco and their carefree discussions, the warm friendship and the mutual trust that had grown between them. There would never be any barbs from him about her studies, and to her regret she realised that she rather would be with him than her long-time friends right now. Trying to repress the guilt, she instead tapped into the frustration at the whole mess. "Oh, really?" She looked around at the other three. "When I'm studying, you're complaining, and when I'm not – well, then it's not good either. You're damn hard to please." Totally fed up with her difficult friends, she took her book and stood up. Turning around to leave, she could hear a quiet voice behind her.

"Don't go." Ron looked straight at her, face neutral and unreadable.

She wanted to yell at him, to ask him why. Why she should always be the one trying, while he kept making everything even more difficult. But this was Ron, and he was reaching out. If there was any chance that she could get him back in her life, even though she only wanted him as a friend, she would take that chance. When she sat down again, Ron had started to pick at his nails, not looking at her any more. But they still sat there, all four of them, and she could almost believe that all was at it should. Ginny looked a little bit uneasy, but soon all of them were immersed in a new discussion. It was true that Ron didn't look her way if he didn't have to, but somewhere inside he obviously still wanted to have her around. You had to savour your small victories.

o O o

It had been a long day. Now it was evening, and far too late. Hermione should be packing down her books and head for Gryffindor Tower and bed, but she didn't feel like. She had no curfew, she could stay up all night if she wanted to. She looked around in the office, the desks and the bookshelves. It wasn't really that cosy, but she felt at home here. There had been so many mornings with her coffee, quick visits during a free period, and long nights after school was over for the day. This place had always welcomed her and her books, giving her peace of mind and the possibility to focus. And of course, a lot of these times had been shared with Draco, taking studies to a new high. Yes, she had gotten good studies, but also a good friend.

The door opened, and her study companion entered.

"Are you still here? Do you know what time it is?" He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"I could ask you the same." The quiet laugh was carefree. "Didn't I tell you that I'm always here?"

"I got held up with Pansy, and felt like I needed to get that Potions assessment at least started tonight. So I went here. What about you?"

"I just can't get myself to go to bed. I know that I should, but it seems like a waste of night." She tried a guilty smile, but it just turned amused. "It doesn't make sense, I know."

"Well, I've promised Pansy to study with her tomorrow night, so I'd like to get some things done tonight. Does your mind care to join in some studies?"

"Sure. It is the main reason to why I'm here, after all."

They took out parchment, ink and quills, and started to write. Every now and then they checked something up in their books, and at a few occasions they discussed some of the trickier parts. After about an hour Hermione put down her quill and declared herself done.

"I'm done too." Draco closed the book and moved to lighten the tension in his shoulders. "I do like studying, don't get me wrong, but you get very little fresh air this way. I haven't been outside in two days."

"I know what you mean. We talked about it at Christmas, I wished for more strolls outside."

"You should schedule some of those too, not just studies. I should too probably."

"But I know! We can take that stroll now." Her eyes beamed with excitement.

He laughed. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm dead serious. We don't have any curfew, who should stop us? We need some air and we're both awake already."

"I don't know..." A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, her enthusiasm was contagious.

"Yes. Go and get your clothes now, and I'll get mine. I'll meet you in the Entrance Hall in fifteen minutes. Come on."

"But..." He laughed again. "Well, sure then. Fifteen minutes."

They split up outside the classroom, and Hermione hurried through the quiet castle. She was out on an adventure, a good one without life-threatening consequences. There were still a smile on her face when she entered her dormitory and silently dressed. Soon she was on her way back through the castle, and when she reached the Entrance Hall she could see a blond head waiting for her. They smiled at each other and sneaked out through the doors. Slowly they started to walk around the castle, still not talking. Their path alternated between darkness and light as they passed the windows from the night-lit castle. It was cold, but the air felt different at night. They stopped and looked around.

"It sure is dark." He took a couple of steps away from the light.

"Yes, it's called night." There was a giggle when he turned his head and gave her a long look.

"Come over here, you can see the stars."

With a smile she walked over and turned her face to the sky. "You're right. There are so many of them."

"Yes, it's called space." He laughed softly when she tried to hit him with her elbow. Still smiling he took a step closer, and then they stood there, close enough that their arms were touching each other, looking at the stars.

Hermione was extremely satisfied. The good company, the night air and the adventure of sneaking out really late on a cold night in the end of the winter, it was exhilarating. Standing here, alongside Draco, and look at the stars... She felt like she could stay here for a millennia.

But then she felt him move next to her, and before she understood what was happening his lips were on hers. Her first reaction was surprise, but it was soon replaced by a feeling of growing contentment. Then his fingers was in her hair, a hand in the nape of her neck, holding her close in the kiss, and her world drowned in an intense and breathtaking bliss. All she wanted was for it to go on forever, just standing here, close together. The kiss could have lasted for seconds or for days, she wouldn't know, but eventually Draco let go of her and took a step back again. They were staring at each other without a word for a short time, and then he lifted a hand to her cheek.

"I guess I should go." With that he turned and left her, walking with long and resolute steps. Soon he was disappearing in the darkness.

It still was dark under the stars, but Hermione couldn't care less. Slowly she started to go back towards the entrance, while her inside was exploding. How could she have been so _blind_? All the time she had been longing for his company. How she always felt so good when he was around. The way they understood each other. How she could see every part of his face in her mind's eye, those grey eyes, his straight nose, his soft lips. The cheeks turning slightly pink when he was excited over something, and the way his hair fell over his forehead. In a fleeting moment she wondered how she ever could have believed that she was in love with Harry. She realised that she was walking with a silly grin on her lips, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was the heavenly moments under the stars. His cold nose on her cheek, his body so close, and those lips... She almost felt weak in the knees, and she couldn't stop a muffled giggle. Quietly she sneaked inside, and started to head for Gryffindor Tower. She felt like her feet barely touched the steps as she hurried up the stairs. Soon she was climbing into the common room, and she was two-thirds through it when she heard a voice behind her.

"You've been with him, haven't you?"

She turned around, and saw Ron sitting deep down in one of the armchairs. She really didn't feel like sharing, not right now and not with him, but she had to say something. "Yes, why?"

"What are you doing up this late?" His voice was deep but neutral.

"I could ask you the same."

"I was up late... thinking. I saw you leave and wondered what you were up to."

"You've been sitting here, waiting for me?" The irritation hadn't been there for a long time, but now it was back.

"I guessed you would be with him, and I wanted to see that you were safely back. I don't trust him a bit, and running around outside in the middle of the night seemed kind of fishy. Don't believe that I hadn't gone to McGonagall if you weren't back in time."

Yes, he was nosing in things that really wasn't his business, but the irritation melted away anyway. He still cared enough for her to sit up half the night to make sure that she was out of harm's way, and it added some warm thankfulness to her already upset mind.

"He didn't hurt you, did he?"

There was a quickly fought down, hysterical giggle, and she could feel him giving her a suspicious look. "No, he didn't. Definitely not." She sighed, but not even Ron's hate for Draco could kill her bliss. "You don't have to be worried, I'm safe with him. I wish I could make you see that."

"It won't happen tonight, I promise you that." His face was displeased, but he slowly got up from the chair. "I suggest you go to bed, it's late. I can't believe that you're hazarding your classes tomorrow by getting this amount of sleep."

"Me neither, if I should be honest. Temporary insanity, maybe." She flashed him a dazzling smile.

"Whatever. Good night."

"Good night. And thank you."

She hurried up to her dormitory. Her mind was left outside though, in the darkness away from the castle wall. She played it over and over, something fluttering around in her stomach at the thought. What did he do now? Was he in bed, was he already asleep? Was he awake, thinking of her? She had to clamp a hand over her mouth not to laugh out loud in happiness. This had been coming for some time now, and she wondered how long the wait would have been if he hadn't made the move tonight. She had been totally in the dark, not being the slightest aware of her feelings. How long had he known? The thoughts kept spinning in her head when she laid down in the bed. As the sleep slowly moved in on her she relived the moments from earlier, and in a feeling of perfect bliss rocked her, she fell asleep.


	9. Secrets

**Chapter 9 – Secrets**

When Hermione woke up the next morning, lying sleepily on her back, staring up in the ceiling and trying to remember why she felt so good. And then the memories made their way back to her. The late night in the office, the spontaneous walk outside, the stars. The kiss. She started to smile, and then she realised what time it was.

Jumping out of bed she started to dress as quickly as she could. If she run she might be able to gulp down a coffee before first class. Hurrying for the Great Hall with her books in her arms she tried to scold herself for being up half the night, but she couldn't get herself to care. What did lack of sleep meant next to the blissful happenings of yesterday?

Upon entering the Great Hall she thought it must be visible on her what had happened last night, but no one stopped and pointed, so she smiled at her imagination and started to scan the tables. First she checked the Gryffindor table, and soon enough she found Harry and Ron. While she was hurrying their way she started to look for a certain blonde at the Slytherin table, but came up empty. With a frown she checked again, but still none. Maybe he was even more late than her? Or he was early? Parkinson wasn't there either and they always sat together. Not getting to see him was a small setback, but nothing could kill her mood today. They had all the time in the world.

She flopped down opposite her friends, greeting them with a brilliant smile.

"Now this is something I never thought I would see. Hermione Granger _oversleeping_." Harry grinned at her. "But you seem to be having a good morning."

Still smiling she poured herself a cup of coffee. "Yes, it's the start to a wonderful day, don't you think?" She looked at Ron, but he didn't look like he was having a good morning. With a sting of bad conscience she saw his tired face and gave him an apologetic smile.

"I'll go to class, see you there." Ron quickly stood up and hurried out of the hall.

"See you..." The sad smile was back when he looked at Hermione. "He still can't handle it every single day. And you better hurry, we're late. We can't have the mentor coming late, can we?" He winked at her.

"I know, I'm sorry." While standing up she emptied the cup. "Should we go?"

They hurried out of the Great Hall and stopped outside.

"Lunch together before Transfiguration? All four of us?" Harry wore a smile now only having a hint of sadness. "Who knows, Ron might even talk to you."

"It seems great." She smiled back, turned, and had to almost run to make it to her class in time.

Hermione saw the Slytherins the period before lunch, but Draco just smiled and nodded to her. After class he mouthed a 'Later' to her, and before she could catch him he and Theo Nott had disappeared among the other students.

Lunch could have been better. Ron was sulkily staring down in his food, and Ginny was chilly at best.

"I've heard that you're not so concerned about your studies any more." She turned to Hermione with a frosty smile.

" I am? I don't follow."

"Well at least you seem to have better things to do than to study. What did you say Ron?"

"What are you talking about?" Harry looked between his girlfriend and his two other friends, a crinkle between his eyebrows.

"Oh, she haven't told you?" The cold smile was in place when she turned to Hermione again. "You're not ashamed of your behaviour, are you?"

This had to be about her walk with Draco, Ron must have told her. Ginny obviously tried to provoke her, and for a second she felt her mood falter. But then she straightened her back, and with a wry smile she shot a glance at Ginny and then found the blond head at the Slytherin table. He was sitting with his back to her, but just seeing him reminded her of the night, the chilly air and the closeness between them. Suddenly she was back in her blissful mood and turned to Harry with a big smile.

"I was taking a walk tonight. Um... pretty late, actually. You could see the stars and it was really nice to get some some air, finally." She knew that her happiness must be radiating around her now.

"But you weren't alone." The younger girl had a sulky look too now.

Harry put a hand in front of his face, but couldn't hide his amused expression. "Let me guess, you were on a late night stroll with Malfoy." He took away the hand and looked at Hermione, obviously not knowing whether to laugh or to cry.

"Yes, so what? What's so bad about that?"

"It's irresponsible." For the first time Ron spoke up. "You never know what he could have done to you."

Now she couldn't hold it back any more, and an amused giggle escaped her. "No, you're right I couldn't. But you're so silly all of you, so silly that half of it would be enough."

Ginny shook her head in disgust. "We're trying to help here."

"Yes, and I appreciate that. But you don't have to, really." It was pretty obvious that it wasn't helping that was on Ginny's agenda right now, but Hermione wasn't in the mood to take the confrontation. If Ginny wanted to bitch – let her. She shot another look over at the Slytherin table, and couldn't help a slightly nervous smile. If they objected to her friendship with Draco, what would they say about this?

"Should we just summarise this with that the three of us think that Hermione has lost her mind and is acting in a really stupid way. But it is kind of obvious that she isn't susceptible to our worries though, so maybe we should just talk about something else?" As usual Harry went in the middle to pour oil on the troubled waters.

It was silent for a minute before Ginny started to talk again, this time with a softer voice.

"I'm sorry, I just really don't like Malfoy. I can't understand why you're doing this, and I admit that I feel almost personally insulted by it. How you can spend so much time with him after what he has done... it's offending in some way." She made a face. "That's why, not because I'm trying to be mean or anything."

Hermione looked at her with an amused smile. Another day she might have gotten irritated, but today it felt like such a small thing. And it probably was some kind of an excuse after all.

"I know. I understand how you feel, but I've made up my mind. We're on a collision course here, and we just have to find some way to handle it." Her eyes found Draco's back again, and a flight of butterflies started to move in her stomach. The smile wasn't stoppable.

"You seem awfully sure of yourself and your opinions." Ron stood up. "Ginny, are you coming?" The both of them left the table and soon disappeared among the students.

The sad smile was back, and Harry observed Hermione with a pensive look. "You just can't keep away from him, can you?"

"Do I have to?"

"It would make things a lot easier with your old friends. Don't forget about us."

She run her hand through her hair with a carefree smile. "You don't seem to have that much of a problem with it?"

"That's because I don't want to lose you. I still think that he is an execrable scum, and that he is out to hurt you in some way. Though I have to admit that he has good patience."

"I guess time will tell who's right, won't it?" With a dazzling smile she stood up. "Maybe we should go to class too?"

"Sure. I hope you want to sit next to me, because I really couldn't figure out my homework." He winked at her.

They were going slowly through the corridors, they still had a good amount of time before class started. It was nice to spend time together. There were some joking and teasing, and Harry gave her a moderate push. She stumbled and bumped into a girl coming the other way. Both of them dropped their books.

"Hey, watch where you're going, idiot!"

Hermione, who had started to reach for her books, looked up and realised that the girl was Parkinson. She had just been about to apologise, but the words froze in her mouth.

"What, you can't even..." Parkinson noticed Harry and first fell silent, but then tossed her head and got a hard face. She picked up her books and stared at Hermione. "You can't even walk among other people, no surprise that you can't keep a boyfriend." There was whispers and giggles from the group behind her.

"What does that matter to you?" Her face was just as hard as Parkinson's.

"Matter to me? Not really. All I'm doing is pointing out how utterly plain and unwanted you are."

Parkinson obviously didn't know. This was pretty fun. "I can't see you having a boyfriend either, so maybe you should be quiet?"

There was a mean little laughter before she answered. "But I do have a boyfriend, you honestly didn't know?" She looked around at her group of people, creating more giggles and sneering to Hermione. "Everyone knew that Draco and I would be a couple, we've been getting there for years. Well, you won't hear us talk about it, but it is pretty obvious. I can't believe you've missed it. You're supposed to be clever after all."

The world just stopped. It was like the floor suddenly had disappeared under her feet, as if Parkinson had hit her in the face. There wasn't much energy left after that, but whatever she had she used to keep a composed outside. No one would know how much that hurt or be able to guess what she was thinking. With great effort she tossed her head too, and looked as condescending as she could manage.

"Whatever. I don't need to prove myself to you." She turned to Harry and tilted her head. "Let's go, should we?" She could hear the sneering and laughter behind her when they walked away, but she couldn't care less. Her mind was already focused somewhere else. On someone else.

o O o

How Hermione got herself through the rest of the day was an enigma. The classes were all a blur, she only handled it since she had read everything earlier. In some way she managed to smile and small talk through the day, and then finally evade the invitations to the common room, instead heading straight for her bed. She needed to be alone right now, she couldn't hold up the mask of indifference any longer. After getting ready for the night she climbed up on the bed and closed the curtains, and with a lump in her throat she crawled into bed.

Now she was alone with her thoughts, finally.

He didn't mean anything with it. To her it meant the world, and to him it meant nothing. It was just whim, for fun. All her dreams were broken, lying at her feet, crushed to pieces. There was no 'they', it had just been her imagination, encouraged by a delusion, initiated by that beautiful blond boy and his single kiss. Her inside hurt so much that she wanted to scream, but her cheeks were dry. She just couldn't cry, it was still so fresh, so new. In her head she could hear Parkinson's little laugh, all the malice in it, and how dismissive she had spoken the words that would break her. _'Everyone knew that Draco and I would be a couple'_ Yes, everything had pointed at that, but she thought... _'it is pretty obvious'_ Yes again, it actually was. The way they always were together, how close they seemed to be, and, if she should be honest, how much Draco talked about her. Once again, she had been so blind, only seeing what she wanted to see.

And then there was this tiny thorn of suspicion, never leaving her alone. Had he done it on purpose? Had he been playing her, everything building up to letting her down? In that case, how far had he planned for it to go if not Parkinson had intervened? She did say that they usually not talked about their relationship, so he would have been pretty safe if it wasn't for her clumsy bump into the other girl. The other girl. A raging jealousy suddenly blazed up inside her. That stupid, ugly girl was allowed to be by his side, talking to him, holding him. It was so unfair. She wanted to be the one who was there for him, the one he could talk to, the one he could come to after a long day and find solace in. She tried to swallow down the lump in her throat, she honestly had believed she was. How presumptuous of her.

But there also was a wild spark of hope. What if he really meant it? What if he was tired of Parkinson and wanted her instead? The hope quickly died down though. If he didn't want to be with Parkinson he shouldn't be. So much had she learned about him these months, he wouldn't stand something out just because he was supposed to any more. If he was with her, he was it because he wanted to. And that left her very much alone.

She could feel that some part of her was going to get angry. Angry at the unfairness, at Parkinson, at the deceitful kiss, at Draco, and at herself. But right now she was to tired, too much hurting. All she could do was staring in the ceiling and try to take one breath after the other. She wanted to sleep, to get away from it all, but her eyes was wide open and not at all tired. At least no one would know of this, no one would be aware of her foolishness. Well, Draco would probably figure it out, but who knew, maybe he was anticipating it. She would not see him any more, that was for sure. She just couldn't stand it. They still had to have their mentor classes together, but she really didn't have to talk to him then. It should be doable.

What would he think? Would Parkinson tell him about their meeting in the corridor? Or would he just think that things would be the same as it had been? No, not even he could believe that things could be unchanged after that kiss. Even if he didn't mean anything with it. Of course he didn't mean anything with it. She just wished so hard that it would have meant the same to him as it did to her. Well, she couldn't be sure about many things when it came to the kiss, but that was one thing. It had definitely not meant the same to him as it did to her. For her it had been a slightly opened door to heaven, and for him... A pastime? A game? An amusement?

She turned around and hid her face in the pillow, the thoughts kept going round and round in her head. After some time she could hear a scratching on the curtain and a hushed voice.

"Hermione? Are you awake?" Ginny. She didn't answer. "You just looked a little sombre today, if you want to talk there's no one here right now." She still didn't answer, and after a couple of moments she could hear the other girl leave the room.

Ginny still counted herself as a friend, enough to search Hermione out when she was sad. It was a small ray of light in the darkness. And now... Well, Ginny's biggest problem with Hermione still was her friendship with Draco, so maybe now they could go back to where they were close friends again. Because her friendship with Draco was irrevocably over.

As far as she was concerned, Draco Malfoy was out of her life. And now, finally, the tears came. Eventually she cried herself to sleep.

o O o

The next morning Hermione woke up with a heavy head, far too early. Lying in her bed she continued last night's thoughts, and she decided to get up and get some work done rather than start that all over again. Quietly she dressed and got her things. Down in the common room she headed for one of the armchairs at the fire, kicked off her shoes and curled up in the chair with her book. Soon it became evident that she did very little reading and a lot of staring into the depths of the hearth instead. However much she tried to stop her mind, it kept conjuring pictures of Draco. His face, his body, how he walked, the way he turned to her and smiled. After some time she got interrupted by steps behind her. Soon a head stuck out around the back of the chair and Harry's face came into view.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" He gestured towards the other chair. When she just stared at him he sat down. "Bad morning?"

"What in Merlin's name are you doing up at this time?"

"I know you. You behaved really strange yesterday, and Ginny said you went to bed early. I figured you would be up early, and maybe that you would need someone to talk to."

She had promised herself that no one would know, but suddenly it felt so good to have Harry there, and it would be so wondrous to tell someone, if only just a little. To her dismay she heaved a big sob, and she shut the book with a slam.

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but I believe that it would be good for you. Yesterday, first you were almost manic, and then you went around almost dazed. If I may be so bold to say so, that's not your usual behaviour. What has happened?"

There was a small hesitation before she started to talk with a quiet voice. "You were right."

"About what?"

"You said that you knew that he was going to hurt me. I said that he never would. You were right."

"Malfoy." His face hardened. "We're talking about Malfoy here?"

"Yes."

He closed his eyes for a second, and then reached out a hand and put it on hers. "I didn't want to be right." The face grew serious and he pressed her hand. "What did he do to you?"

"Something I don't want to talk about. It's stupid really."

"Are you physically hurt?"

"No, of course not. He would never..." Her voice trailed off.

"I'm going to kill him, I swear I'm going to kill him."

"Don't. I don't want you in Azkaban." She forced a smile.

The answering smile was more like a grimace, but he obviously tried to calm down, and the next try looked a bit more genuine. Still holding her hand, he pressed it again before letting go. "So, what can I do? How do I make this easier for you?"

"I don't know. Just knowing that there's someone who knows means a lot."

"And about knowing..." He hesitated. "I was with you yesterday when you met Parkinson. I can't help thinking that it was there somewhere you changed your behaviour. Does that event have anything to do with it?"

Pressing her lips together Hermione stared into the flames, eventually answering. "Yes, it does."

"So I'm going to go ahead and guess that the problem is that Malfoy turned out to have a girlfriend, isn't it?"

Not saying a word, she kept her eyes on the fire, watching the colours flicker and burn, the embers burnt to grey-black in the grate.

"It's none of my business, but... are you in love with him?"

"You don't know him like I do." Is she? It's Malfoy, but... Malfoy hasn't been 'Malfoy' lately.

"Do you still really think you know him?"

She hesitated, but just for a second. "Yes, I do. Mostly. Obviously I didn't saw this coming, but..." Looking lost she sighed deeply. "I don't understand how he could do this to me."

"Hermione, exactly what did he do to you?" There was a worried line between his eyebrows.

"It's so stupid, I shouldn't act like this at all, it's such a small thing. Never mind me, I just..." She uncurled and started to look for her shoes.

"No, sit down. I won't push you, I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk about it you don't want to talk about it."

Slowly she sat back in the chair again.

"What can I do?" Harry looked at her with a worried expression. "Do you want me to go to McGonagall and ask her to kick him out of the mentor system?"

They did have mentor classes together, she hadn't forgotten about that. But all she needed to do was to show up and ignore him. She could do that. It was tempting to let Harry talk to the headmistress, but she kept coming back to the vulnerable expression on his face when he talked about him being a mentor as something that would have pleased his dad. She couldn't take that away from him.

"No, you don't have to. I can handle it." How was she supposed to handle it? Seeing him and knowing that she was just an amusement to him. Not seeing him smile to her. Not laughing with him. Not kissing him. "I don't want him to know that he got to me."

"I can ask her to kick him out of school?"

She smiled. "It's nice to see that you care, but I don't think that would be necessary." No, she did not want him to go away. Maybe she was a glutton for punishment, but she couldn't stand the thought of not even be able to see him.

"I just think he should suffer for what he has done. It's not OK to hurt you."

"I believe he is already suffering enough for other things he has done." All those talks they had, now it was all gone. She wished herself back to the morning before the kiss, when she had their friendship and everything was good.

"You know that you're still defending him?

"Maybe." No, that wasn't true. She didn't want to miss the magical night and the kiss, it was too bittersweet to give up.

"Now you're far away. What are you thinking?"

With an effort she put her focus back at Harry. "I'm thinking about him. What we had. What I will miss."

"I see. I only hope that you will see soon that you don't need him." The sad smile was back. "I will follow you to your mentors class today, that way you won't have to be alone with him." He bit his lip. "And one more thing. I don't recommend that we share this with Ron. The part including girlfriends and feelings and such, that is. I don't think he will like that."

"No, he probably won't. And I guess that means no telling Ginny either."

"It sounds reasonable."

Two boys came down in the common room, sat down at one of the tables and started to talk. The couple at the fire looked at each other.

"What do you say about that I go get my bag, and then we move to the breakfast table? You need some coffee I believe."

"I'd say that's a good idea." She watched him leave, and thanked her lucky star for having Harry. Draco would probably be at breakfast, and now she would have moral support. Seeing him would be double-edged. She knew that he had used and deceived her, but the truth was that she was still very much in love with Draco Malfoy.

o O o

Breakfast went relatively well. It was still pretty empty when they entered, and they managed to get a place to themselves. There was coffee, and of course that was good, but soon the rest of the students would arrive, and that would mean Draco too. And Ron and Ginny, which meant telling them as much as they should know. But when Draco came she was surprisingly calm. What really hurt though was to see Parkinson at his side, taking his arm and laughing. They soon were seated and he started his breakfast with the same distracted expression as always.

"Don't look."

She moved her eyes to Harry, who was observing her. "I was just..."

"I know. Stop that, nothing good will come out of it. We should have switched sides, that way you couldn't look, but I didn't think of that."

"I always sit on this side. I'll try not to look."

"Good." He held out a tray of toast, "Here, you can't live on coffee alone."

With a sigh she reached out and took one, just to pick on it until she started to create a pile of crumbs, her eyes everywhere but at the blond boy.

Harry looked very tired and sad. "Hermione, please, try to _eat_ something too."

"Oh." She looked down at her hands. "I'm sorry, I was somewhere else."

"Well, here come Ron and Ginny, time to get yourself together. You better tell them you know." His face was grim.

They sat in silence and watched their friends getting closer. Hermione was nervous, what would they say? They must be happy about it, right? But they might just be too happy, she didn't know if she could take that.

"There you are." Ginny bowed down and placed a kiss on Harry's cheek, while Ron sat down opposite to her, next to his friend. "We suspected that you had gone ahead when both of you were missing." She turned to Hermione. "How do you feel today?"

"Better, thank you. But..."

"That's nice to hear. Can you pass me the eggs?"

"I think that Hermione was trying to say something." There was no trace of smile on Harry's face now, sad or other.

"Oh?" Ginny looked up at her with a spoon halfway to her plate. Ron turned to look to her too.

"Well, I..." She looked up at the Slytherin table. He was still eating his breakfast with a preoccupied expression, and Parkinson was still chatting in his ear. They sat a little bit too close to each other, she couldn't believe that she never noticed that. Suddenly she was aware that three people was looking intently at her, and wasn't she about to say something? "I just wanted you to know that I won't spend time with Draco any more."

"So he finally showed his true colours?" The delight in Ginny's voice was tinted with malice.

At the same time Ron spoke up. "That was about bloody time."

"Yeah, well, that's how it is anyway." Everything hurt twice as much when she had to talk about it out in the open like this.

"What did he do to make you come to your senses?" Ginny looked almost improperly satisfied.

"Nothing, I just... it didn't feel right any more." No, it sure didn't feel right.

"I hate to say I told you so." The other girl grinned broadly.

"Ginny." There was a warning in Harry's voice.

"I know. I'm sorry." She sighed. "I'm really glad that you've come to your senses though, even if I of course don't like it if you have been hurt in the process."

"Well, he is a repulsive git of enormous proportions, so it's not that strange that it ends like this." Ron broke off his breakfast to deliver his statement.

Suddenly she just wanted to cry. She wanted to defend him, defend them. She wished that there was a 'them' to defend.

The rest of the breakfast crawled itself forward. Ginny was joyous, not even bothering to stop the malice she obviously couldn't hold back from shining through. Ron was focused on his food, but talked a little more than usual, even turning to Hermione every now and then. Harry had withdrawn to his depressed mood, and didn't say very much at all. Draco was ready with his breakfast and was now relaxed and small talking with Parkinson. It hurt to watch, but she couldn't stop herself. At last it was over, and she excused herself with having to catch her class.

In the afternoon she met up with Harry. He kept his promise and followed Hermione to her mentor class. They waited on the outside as long as possible, and not until it was time to start they went inside. Harry got himself a desk, and kept his eyes at Draco. Hermione said some introductory words as usual, and the class begun. Before the first arms hit the air he came over to her, slightly tentative and talked in a hushed voice.

"For a minute I thought that you wouldn't show up."

"Is that so?" She stared straight in front of her, and soon there was a student asking for help. "Excuse me." Leaving him without a glance she went to do her job.

There weren't any tries to make contact with her again until the class was over. When she went to join Harry, he intercepted her and gave her a thoughtful look.

"Hermione, can we talk? Without your friend?"

She didn't condescend him with a look, but just held her head high and went straight past him. She and Harry went out the door and soon they had left him behind.

"I was watching him you know." Harry looked at her with a pensive expression.

"Oh, what did he look like except from busy?"

"I believe you got to him. Either he doesn't know that you know, or he hoped to be able to use you. He was troubled for sure, more than usual."

"That's good I suppose." Inside she was protesting. She didn't want to hurt him. But she reminded herself that he didn't hesitate to hurt her, and she hardened herself.

After they came back she went to get her books for another study session. The coming days she sometimes went to the library, but she tried to stay with her friends as much as she could endure. The fact that she chose to study in the common room was welcomed by the others, and a disaster for her studies. The loss of a highly intelligent study partner was of course a contributory factor, but to be honest, the loss of Draco was worse.

o O o

Draco hadn't tried to contact her any more since the first mentor's class, he seemed to have understood the situation at once. This afternoon some weeks later, Harry and Hermione was on their way to their next class when the pattern was broken though. Draco was waiting in the corridor, and when they were passing he took a step forward.

"Hermione, may I talk to you for a bit?" He looked paler than usual and was obviously nervous.

Before she had the possibility to answer there was a movement next to her, and before any of them reacted Harry had drawn his wand. He was lifting it, pointing straight at Draco. A few frightened, younger students shoot one look at Harry's face and left quickly, but some older students stayed, looking expectant.

"Don't you dare..." Harry closed in on Draco, making him back up until he was pressed against the wall. There were some noises of approval from behind him, but he ignored them.

"I just—" Draco looked plainly scared, and if possible even paler.

"You just shut up." He looked really angry, but also a bit undecided. Then suddenly he lowered his wand, but in the same time shot out the other hand, gripped the front of Draco's shirt and slammed him into the wall. There was some cheering from behind, and Harry stepped in so close that their noses almost met.

"If I ever hear that you've been trying to talk to her again I promise you that you'll be sorry." He let go of Draco's clothes and backed up. "Stay away from her. She's way out of your league."

The Slytherin's eyes was big and scared, and his lips were firmly pressed together. His gaze was fixed on Harry, but he kept glancing at Hermione too.

Harry lifted his wand again. "Get out of here, I'm tired of looking at you. Now, or..." A gesture with the wand showed clearly what he meant.

Draco turned and fled, with one last long look at Hermione. The spectators cheered and some were applauding. Hermione let herself be led out of there, but she was deep in thought. What did Draco want from her? Was it an attempt to mediate peace? Not that she would take it, no way. Not from someone like him. He was out of her life, right?

"Never mind him, OK?" A hand reached out and rested for a moment on her arm.

"Of course not." That was a lie, she highly minded him. What did he want with her?

"Let's go to class then."

The rest of the lessons of the day went uneventful. She was sitting in the common room with the students from her year when Ginny came down to them.

"Hermione, you have an owl in the dormitory." Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, and they went to Harry and Ron. Both of the boys looked worried and Ron also had an irritated expression.

"Oh, it must be that new thing I ordered." She showed a calm smile, but inside her heart was pounding, hard. She didn't like that she had lied to her friends, but what if... "I'll be right back."

She left the room with three pairs of eyes burning in her back. When she was out of sight she almost started to run. Please, please, let it be... The owl was sitting on her bed, and when she came closer it held out a leg with a letter on it. With shaking hands she took it, let the owl out, and then looked down at the letter. Her head swirled. Green ink. Slowly she sat down on the bed and opened it.

_Hermione,_

_I do apologise for contacting you, but I'm desperate. What we talked about has finally  
__happened. The students have had enough of me, the parents have complained, and here  
__we are. A new trial is awaiting me in a couple of weeks, and I have no idea how it will  
__end. The only thing I can do is preparing as good as I can, make my case as positive  
__as possible. And my head is empty, I just can't stop thinking about how bad it might be.  
__I could really need some help right now, and my Slytherin friends are of no use in this  
__matter. I know that you despise me, and don't want anything to do with me, but I beg  
__you, if nothing else for old times sake. Once you called me your friend, and I pray that  
__it will be enough to make you find some compassion for me._

_You probably understand what will happen to me if you show this to anyone, and I beg  
__you again, please don't. I'm at your mercy now._

_If you agree to meet with me, if nothing else just to talk, I'll be at the office tomorrow  
__night after classes. I dearly hope to see you there._

_Draco. _


	10. A long night in the office

**Chapter 10 – A long night in the office**

After getting the letter, she had searched her belongings for the white quill she bought in Diagon Alley. No one had seen it, since she had been using the brown one she got from Draco. It felt fitting to replace it now. If anyone asked she could show the quill and tell that this was what the owl had brought her. And quite right, Ginny gave her that suspicious look and asked what she had bought. She showed the quill and it let them admire it, and Ginny seemed satisfied. And for once, Harry seemed to buy it too.

She hadn't been able to concentrate on the studies after that. All that kept going round in her head was the big question; should she go to the meeting or not. She wanted to, all of her wanted to. She wanted to forgive him, just to pretend that everything was all right. But she also knew that if he had hurt her once in a way like that, it was very likely that he would do it again. And honestly, what kind of person went behind the back of his girlfriend like that? She excused herself and went to bed early, although it was a long time before she fell asleep.

The day was extremely long, and when she had to be at the same place as Draco she just ignored him. But when the classes were over she came to a decision. He did not deserve her help, he couldn't expect her to do his bidding like that, just because suddenly there was something he needed. She took her books and sat down in the common room with Harry and Ron. Soon they were immersed in their books, but she kept having an unpleasant feeling in the pit of her stomach. Suddenly a wave of anguish washed over her. She couldn't just let him down like that. What was she thinking? She stood up and started to pack her things.

"Already done for tonight?" Harry looked surprised and a bit amused.

"No, it's just so... noisy in here. I'll go to the library instead. No curfew you know, I can stay whole night if I want to." With the use of some willpower she managed a calm smile.

"Oh, yeah, maybe it is. I'll offer to join you, but _I do_ have a curfew."

"It's OK. See you tomorrow, if not earlier. Sleep tight both of you." She forced herself to walk slowly to the door, but her inside was seriously stressed out. What if he had left? What if he wasn't waiting for her any longer? When she had left the corridor outside Gryffindor Tower she sped up and hurried for the office. Passing through the silent classroom she was having second thoughts though. Was this really a good idea? But she calmed herself with the fact that this wasn't a promise of any kind. Just talking couldn't hurt, could it? With a sigh she opened the door to the office and went inside.

Draco looked up from a book, his face closed and his eyes tired. They looked at each other for a long time, no one saying anything until he broke the silence.

"You came." It wasn't hard to hear the hope he tried to conceal.

"I don't know why yet. I don't know why I'm lying to my friends and wasting my precious study time on you."

"I'm really grateful that you are. Maybe there's still some feelings left between us." He was composed and talked with a serious voice. For some reason it irritated her highly. How dared he talk about her feelings like that?

"What do you care about that?"

He looked confused. "Because... I want help from you, and that would be much easier if you had some feelings of friendship left? I understand that this is hard for you, but it would be very good if we could forget about... things for some time."

"You want me to just forget about it, is that it? One sob-story and I'm supposed to pretend _it_ never happened?" With trembling lips she felt the anger rise inside her.

For the first time some annoyance could be seen on his face. "Honestly, is it really that bad? Don't you think you're making a mountain out of a molehill? Can't we just forget about it?"

The anger filled her. "It may be a mere trifle to you, but to me your behaviour is disgusting!" She turned to leave. "And no, _we can't just forget about it! _I don't know why I came here in the first place." With a jerk she opened the door.

Once again he looked tired. "Hermione, just one thing."

"What?" She stopped with her hand on the handle.

"I'm sorry. Just let me say that. I shouldn't have kissed you."

"No, you shouldn't."

"I don't know what I was thinking."

"Well, me neither. And I'll be leaving now." She took a step towards the open door. "You should just be happy I didn't tell Parkinson. I should, you know."

"Pansy? What does she have to do with anything?" The confusion came back.

"Seeing as she is your _girlfriend_ she might be interested in your activities with other girls, or what do you say?"

"Whoa, my what?" His eyes grew big. "Why would you think that?"

The anger slowly gave place to doubt. "Well, she told me about it?"

"So you believe that I was in a relationship with Pansy when I was kissing you. Is... is that why you're so upset?"

"Why shouldn't I believe that?"

"Because it's as sure as hell not true. She's never been my girlfriend and will definitely never be."

"I don't understand." Slowly she closed the door again and put her bag on the floor. "Then why did she say so?"

"I don't know. Maybe she wants it to be true? I try to stay away from that subject with her as much as I can." His bewilderment was still evident. "Did she just walk up to you and said so? It must have been jealousy, in that case."

"No, we met and, well, she teased me for not having a boyfriend, so I teased her for not having a boyfriend, and..."

"...she suddenly got one." He shook his head, a line forming between his eyebrows. "I can't believe that she have the nerve to say something like that." With a sigh he looked intently at Hermione. "Which leaves me with a very hard task."

This was all so confusing, she didn't understand what was happening. "What is that?"

"In some way I need to re-earn your trust, and to do that I must get you to understand that I'm not lying to you. That Pansy is the one not telling the truth."

"Oh." Slightly dazed she walked over to the desk, draw out the other chair and sat down on it. "So, what you're saying... Parkinson is not your girlfriend?"

"No."

"And she has never been?"

"No. We were dating in fifth year, but it never got serious. And nothing since then."

"Oh."

"But you believed she was." There was a tiny hope in his face.

"Yes."

"And... that's why you are angry?"

"I don't know about that angry part."

He sighed and there was a glimpse of a smile. "Will you please just answer the question? This time at least."

"I'm angry partly because you're a disgusting excuse for a human being, who kisses other girls behind your girlfriend's back. Or at least I was. Now I don't know any more."

"I assure you that I'm not doing any of that sort. I don't have a girlfriend." The expression turned serious again.

"If I asked her again she might be lying. And if I asked her while you were there she might say no because you've told her to. And if I ask your friends, they might... You see? No use trying to get the truth."

"You just have to trust me."

"I know."

"Do you trust me?"

Hermione bit her lip and stood up, then slowly walked over to the window. With a worried face she turned around and looked at him. Did she? She had to admit that his story seemed very plausible, but what did she know, he might just be a very good liar. Without taking her eyes off him she thought about the Draco she grew up with. All the deceit and foul play that was his everyday life. Then she started to think about the Draco she had gotten to know. Diagon Alley, all the studying together, the night walk, was it all fake? She didn't really need to think about it, deep down she knew. As she had done all the time.

"Yes. I do." A sad smile followed her words. "You told me once that I was an idiot for trusting you, the least trustworthy person in the castle. So I guess it's true. I'm an idiot. Naïve. Totally insane. But I believe that I know you a bit by know, and I do trust you."

He stared at her with something close to reverence. "Maybe I have a chance in that trial after all."

"Oh! The trial!" Quickly she went back to the chair and sat down with a determined face. "We need to do something." She couldn't believe that she had thought she should leave him alone with this. What was she thinking, this was Draco, after all.

There was a soft laughter coming from Draco. "Not that I'm complaining about your enthusiasm, but I'm having a hard time keeping up with your mood-swings."

"I'm sorry." She bit her lip, a small smile threatening to break loose in the corner of her mouth. "But we have enough time to handle the emotional drama later, this is important."

"As you wish." Looking at her like he couldn't really believe that she was sitting there, he still gave her a small smile. "Well, where do we start?"

"Wait." She jumped down from the chair and fetched her bag, taking out parchment and writing materials, and returned to the desk. Then she picked up her white quill and hovered over the parchment. "Now, what _can_ we do?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't know." Instantly he sobered up, and there was an air of dejection around him.

"We can start with looking at other trials and see if there's something we can use."

"I have checked a little, but there are usually not so positive verdicts when it comes to Death Eaters."

"Have you checked judgements concerning _victims_ of Death Eaters? You are a victim here too." For a couple of seconds the only thing sounding in the room was the rasping of the quill. "Maybe we can find something about extenuating circumstances. Like death threats."

"I guess we can do a little more checking on other cases. I'm just having a hard time seeing anything that might help. It feels so hopeless, so many of them won't see further then the Dark Mark on my arm, and... I don't know."

"Well, we can go to McGonagall and ask her to write a testimonial about how well you have managed your role as mentor." Refusing to acknowledge the despondent mood she added another dot to her list. "Of course, I can offer to testify the same thing too, in person or at paper."

"You really think she'll do that?" There was a lot of doubt in his voice.

"She believed enough in you to give you this chance, I doubt she has changed her mind. And I will talk to her too, verifying how well you have worked with me."

"What did I do right to get to meet you?" A smile started to show itself.

She smiled weakly at him before continuing with the list. "Slughorn is head of Slytherin, right? Ask him to write something about how brilliant you handle your studies, and that you're a good example for your house."

"He will never do it. He's deadly afraid to be mixed up with Death Eaters." His face got bitter.

"Oh. There is one solution, but I don't know..."

"Let me hear."

"Well, we could ask Harry to talk to him, he likes the whole "boy-who-lived" thing."

There was a mirthless, snorting laughter. "If you haven't noticed, Harry isn't a big fan of mine either. Last time we met he slammed me into a wall and threatened me with his wand. I very much doubt that he would like to do me any favours." The dejected posture came back. "I bet he'll be happy to have me shipped off to Azkaban."

"What about your mother?" She ignored the last sentence and went on with the list. "Is there anything she can do to help? Maybe she can testify about how you were forced into doing things you didn't choose yourself?"

"She did that on my first trial, pretty exhaustive."

"Good! Then we can refer to that." A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "I guess your father won't have anything to add?"

"Plenty, probably," he snorted, "but nothing that I want to bring to the judges of the trial."

"You don't have any other prestigious friends to the family who can vouch for you? Someone who's not a Death Eater, I might add."

"Very funny. No, my father didn't have great taste in friends." He fell in thoughts for a moment. "Well, there is the Greengrass family. I used to play with the sisters when we were kids. They're proud pure-bloods, but they never took any active role in the war. But I don't know why they would want to help me. They were on the Dark Lord's side, even if they didn't do much, and I'm a turncoat."

"I don't know... If they sympathised with Voldemort it might be better to leave them out of it. We don't want to make any connections to his side, but to show how far you have chosen to come from it."

"I honestly don't know where they stand now, but as you say, I know where they stood back then. Maybe it's better to leave them out."

"Unfortunately, yes. But we will find more things. We have a couple of weeks after all, right?"

"Yes, the trial is Thursday in two weeks."

"We can solve this, I promise."

"Don't promise what you can't keep." His smile was tired.

"We'll find a way, I have to believe that."

He reached out and fastened an escaped strand of hair behind her ear. "I can't say how happy I am that you decided to come here tonight."

"Yeah..." Suddenly she felt how a smile grew on her face, she couldn't help it. "I have to admit that I agree."

There was silence for some time, and they just looked at each other until Draco spoke up. "Hermione?"

"Yes?"

His expression had turned serious, and he seemed to choose his words carefully. "When we talked about Pansy earlier... You said that you were partly angry because you thought I was the unfaithful kind. What was the other reason you were angry?"

"Oh." Now this was something she hadn't anticipated, to have to declare her feelings. She didn't know if she wanted to, she was still afraid to get hurt. Yes, she trusted him, but he didn't have to be evil to hurt her. All that was needed was that he didn't have the same feelings, and after all, what did a silly kiss mean?

"I don't want any more misunderstandings between us, and you've been pretty upset. I really don't want to wake up tomorrow and find that you're not talking to me again." He saw her hesitant expression, and his face fell. "If you don't have to keep up appearances in front of your friends of course."

"No, I don't... I just..." With a pained expression she hid her face in her hands. She could feel him observing her through the silence, and eventually she looked up. "It's just that I finally have gotten back with my friends again. Even Ron is starting to soften up. And now..."

"So what do you propose? That we meet in secret to prepare for the trial? That we don't meet at all, going back to the non-speaking way?"

"No! I don't want you out of my life again."

There was a short silence again.

"You never answered my question." His eyes were unreadable. "You're good at that, I've noticed."

This was it. She couldn't dodge this question any more. "I didn't avoid you because I was angry. I avoided you because I was hurt."

"Why?" There was these intense eyes again.

Helplessness was written all over her. "Because..." A deep breath. "Because I thought that you were just toying with me. That it didn't mean anything to you." Her voice faltered. "Of course, if it didn't mean anything to you, that's perfectly..."

"Don't." He reached out a hand and tilted her head back up until she looked at him. "I told you earlier that I was sorry for kissing you. I'm not now."

"Wait a minute." With a frown she tilted her head. "You never knew about Parkinson?"

"No."

"But... You thought that I... that I was so mad at you for... you thought all my extreme behaviour was about the... kiss?"

"Yes. I must admit that a part of me was surprised that you reacted that strongly, but then I remembered who I am, and well, Potter was right. You are way out of my league." With a really tired expression he shook his head. "You have no idea how much I've been hating myself for destroying our friendship like that."

"At least it's not irreparable." She smiled and reached out her hand, pressed his, and then withdrew it. "And I know that I'm done hiding. I guess I eventually will have to notify Ron and Ginny about how you and I are on friendly basis again. And I'm not going to deny it if anyone else asks."

"But you are going to tell Potter as soon as possible."

"Yes, I am. He needs to know. I need him to know."

"He will kill me this time, you know that?"

"Don't be so melodramatic. Of course he won't. He will understand." With a face filled of amused disbelief she looked away for a second, and then turned back to Draco. "OK, scratch the last part, he won't understand. But he won't pick a fight with you either." The amusement stayed in her face. "He wanted to kill you when he got to know about Parkinson and stuff, but I told him that it was a bad idea, so he didn't. So I don't believe you have to worry this time either."

"Well, thank you, now it feels much better." The sarcasm in his words were mixed up with a small amount of fear. "You don't understand that Harry Potter actually is a pretty scary guy?"

"Harry? No, not really. Why?"

"For starters, there are those rumours about his duelling skills. I have seen him in action, I know how good he is. And I won't forget what he did to me in our sixth year any time soon." A shudder went through his body. "Then let's not forget that he defeated the Dark Lord several times, and then finally killed him, which is no small deed. Only an idiot would duel him." The smile was very weak. "And I'm a Death Eater. Everyone knows that The Chosen One eats Death Eaters for breakfast." He shook his head. "If only a fraction of what they say about him is true it still makes him to a very scary dude. Is it true that he has been using Unforgivables?"

"OK, if you ever let Harry hear you talk like this he might actually kill you. If you want to get on his better side you have to treat him like some random person and forget about his fame. He hates it."

"I will keep that in mind if we ever go for a chat." He rolled his eyes.

"Don't be so silly."

"Can you honestly say that he would never hurt me?"

There was a silence. "Can you honestly say that you would never do anything to deserve it?"

"What's worrying me is that Potter and I might have a different view of what that is. Maybe if you could get me a list?"

She smiled, but suddenly got serious. "To return to what we talked about before, my friends and their knowledge about us." Picking up the quill she started to doodle on the parchment. "I need your help with a thing. A maybe somehow unpleasant thing."

"Hopefully I can help you, what is it?"

"I want you to lie for me."

"Let me get this clear, you want me to lie?"

"Yes." She tossed the quill on the desk. "I'm going to be open to my friends about us, but I have lied to them this far, and they will be very upset if they get to know that. So I thought that we should get our stories straight."

"Sounds fine with me. What is your story?"

"Well, first it is the letter. I suggest that you never sent it. To my friends I said it was an owl order." Distractedly she pushed her hair out of her face. "Second is about tonight. They believe that I'm at the library, studying right now. My suggestion is that I went to the library, but then went to the office instead because I missed it, I met you here and we started to talk. What do you think?"

"I think that it should be easy enough to keep in mind. It's no big difference."

She picked up the quill and continued her doodling. "What about your friends, what do they know?"

"Well, they know that we're not talking any more, but they don't know what happened between us. Theo doesn't really care, never really did." With a gesture he indicated the room. "I was still coming here all the time for studies. Partly for getting peace and quiet, partly because I hoped that you would turn up and I would be able to talk to you." He smiled sadly at her. "Pansy on the other hand... Maybe she has suspected something, she's been asking a lot. I might have to have a serious talk with that girl."

"And what do you think they will say now? If you're going to tell them, that is."

"Theo will say 'I really thought you had gotten a grip of yourself.' or something like that, and he will give me that disapproving look he has. And Pansy... I believe she might be angry, if my suspicions are correct."

"Suspicions?"

There was a deep sigh. "Yes, I think I might have a problem. Something that I should have seen before, but I've been so busy with being miserable that I didn't see it." His eyes went to the window. "I believe that Pansy more than gladly would like to actually be my girlfriend. There has been all those small things, how she always is there, and always a little closer than necessary. A lot of closeness actually. How come I didn't see this coming?"

"Even I saw it. But I thought she actually was your girlfriend, so to me it was normal."

"You might just have gotten yourself a new enemy." The smile contained a slight warning.

"I can take Parkinson." She tossed her head. "And if she doesn't behave I'll just set Harry on her."

"That is a scary threat, you don't understand how lucky you are. But I will remind her of that."

None of them said anything, and the silence stretched out between them. Hermione wished that she wasn't such a coward, he was so very close now. All she had to do was to reach out a hand. But she was still afraid. He did say that she shouldn't be, but it was all very unclear. If she only knew that he wanted for her to take his hand, touch him... But she didn't know, and yes, she was a coward. Instead she sat there and just observed him. He was looking out the window, his face calm, not as worried as it had been lately. Was he nervous too? Or did he just not want her? She decided that she was going to go insane here, and if she didn't dare to show her feelings in some way she should just leave. With a small shake of her head she jumped down from the chair and started to pack down her things.

"Are you leaving?" He turned back from the window.

"Yes, I thought I should get back to the dormitory in time. Not getting as late as last time." Last time. Why did she have to remind him of that right now?

"I see. Yeah, maybe it's a good time to go. Your friends might ask after all." Slowly he stood up and lifted up his bag and walked over to the door too.

"Yes, they might." They stood at the door, but no one reached out to open it.

"Hermione, wait a moment." Those eyes were so grey and so intense that it was hard to keep focus.

"Mhm." With pounding heart she looked up at him, he was so close now. A little closer than he needed to be, wasn't he?

"Don't go yet." Very carefully he reached out and put an arm around her waist, pulling her even closer.

Was this happening, for real? She could feel his arm around her, the warmth from his body close to her. And those eyes, she just wasn't able to look away. Slowly she lifted an arm and rested her hand on his shoulder. She could feel him tighten his grip and leaning in closer. And finally, there was those lips again, and she never wanted to let go. She lifted her other arm too and put them around his neck, pulling him closer. It was perfect.

A good amount of time later they hesitantly pulled apart.

"I hope you weren't in a hurry." Draco smiled at her, still with something blissful in his eyes.

"No, I wasn't." She started to giggle. "Imagine if Mandy and Lisa had come in..."

"Then this would be out all over school tomorrow." His face turned a little bit serious. "What _do_ you want Brocklehurst and Turpin to know? And the rest of the school for that matter."

"That depends on what there is to know."

"'Granger and Malfoy were kissing in the mentors' office'?"

A smile couldn't be stopped. "Yes, well, I would say that honestly that's nobody's business. But..." She looked hesitant.

"But what?" Slowly he pushed some of the hair out of her face and placed it behind her ear, letting his hand stroke her cheek in the same movement.

"I was just thinking." Biting her lip she took a deep breath. "Is there all it is to it?"

He pulled her close again and hid his face in her hair. "Not to me."

"I like that." Standing so close to him was almost intoxicating.

With his face still in her hair he pulled her even closer. "It's still the question of what others should know about it."

"I don't know." In his arms everything felt right, but she knew somewhere that it wouldn't be like that outside. And she would probably be in a world of trouble when this got out. "What do you think?"

Tentatively he leaned back a bit so he could look her in the eyes. "I think that when it comes to you we should keep this _very_ quiet. It won't be nice for you when the word spreads." He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "As for me, I would shout it from the top of the Astronomy Tower if I could. Maybe even brag a bit." There was another kiss. "But I don't think that's a good idea. I'm all for keeping it quiet." With a slightly sad smile he leaned in and kissed her again, a bit more intensely this time.

"What about our friends?" Reaching out, she traced his jaw bone with a finger.

"What about them?" He was obviously distracted. "Oh, you mean telling Potter."

"No, I didn't mean that, but yes."

"No, but yes?" The laughter was low and filled with feelings.

"You understand what I mean." With an undefined sound she hid deeper into his embrace.

"I don't know if our friends need to know, words have a way of spreading. But it's up to you, if you want to tell Potter, then so be it. I fear that he will try to kill me this time though." The sigh wasn't really sad. "And I guess it would be good, for obvious reasons, if Pansy knew."

"Maybe I should start worrying about her coming to kill me?"

"Oh, but you will be twice protected now."

A light frown appeared on her face. "Protected? I don't understand."

"I've told you before, no one messes with Potter, and you're his best friend. Now, if Pansy goes up against you, she doesn't just have to face him, she has to face this terrible Death Eater too. Not even Pansy is that stupid."

She moved uncomfortably in his arms. "The thought that your Mark is protecting me is a bit unpleasant."

"Hermione, know one thing." With a firm hand he lifted her chin until their eyes met. "When you get me, you get all of me. Including the Dark Mark on my arm, and all that come with it. If you can't handle that, you better leave now."

"Don't be silly. Of course I'm aware of what you carry with you, and I'm willing to handle that. That doesn't mean that there aren't things from your past that will affect me negatively."

"I wonder..." Slowly he let go of her and started to push up his left sleeve. "Maybe you should see this now, it might defuse the situation somewhat."

The Mark wasn't as vivid as she had imagined, it was a pale, slightly faded tattoo, nothing more. It still made her shudder though, that mark stood for so much of what she despised. It meant torture and death for people like her. To see it like this was almost unreal. She reached out a hesitant hand.

"Can I touch it?"

"Of course." There was a snort. "What are you afraid of, accidentally summoning the Dark Lord?" His voice was sarcastic and his face was hard.

She mumbled something inaudible and placed her fingers on the Mark. Maybe she was anticipating some strange sensation, but there was only Draco's skin. Slowly she trailed her fingers over the Mark, and it was like he had said. It didn't felt as dramatic as before, this was just Draco, nothing that could hurt her. With a pensive expression she withdrew her hand and looked up at him. He looked back at her with a searching gaze, obviously watching for signs of displeasure.

"Thank you." The hand reached out again, this time to stroke his cheek. "Don't worry, I still feel the same for you. That ugly picture can't change that."

With a jerky motion he covered his arm again, and then he stepped in close to her and kissed her forcefully. When he let go of her again the laughter was back in his eyes.

"I do really hope that you just made an excuse to get out of here earlier, and didn't actually care about getting out of here in time."

"Well, when I didn't have the courage to kiss you I thought that I may as well leave." There was a slight blush on her cheeks.

"Aren't you supposed to be the courageous Gryffindor here?"

She laughed and patted his cheek. "First you outshine Harry in good moral behaviour, and now you outshine me in courage. We can still make a Gryffindor out of you, I can see that."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I prefer my own house. Sorry to break it to you, but I'm a good and loyal Slytherin. Wasn't that what you wanted Slughorn to say anyway? That I was some kind of role model for my house?"

"I'm just saying that you obviously have an inner Gryffindor somewhere. Just as I probably have an inner Slytherin."

The satisfied expression on his face could not be mistaken. "Now that I like. Hermione the Slytherin."

"I bet you do. As if Slytherin ever would let someone with my dirty blood in." There was a hint of bitterness in her words.

"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting about that. It doesn't seem important any more."

"Good for you. I'll always remember, my time in school and people like you have made sure I'll never forget it." The words were harsh, but there appeared a small smile on her lips. "You have gotten a long way since then, haven't you?"

"Haven't you inherited any beliefs from your parents? Values that are a natural part of your life? It takes some time to question those things."

"Some time and a maniac with a taste for torture and murder."

"Maybe that." He gave her a curious look. "Why don't you hate me?"

"Well, that's a good question." Her smile was a bit amused. "Maybe because a war is a terrible thing, and it changes people. Sometimes it breaks people, sometimes it cleanses them. And I believe that you have changed. Not all the way, I don't expect you to be a perfect Gryffindor, and I honestly don't want you to be either. But enough, when it comes to the important values. And only time will tell if I'm right."

"I can't do more than agree. I'd like to believe that I have changed too. There are a lot of things I don't want to stand for any more. I just want..."

"...a new life."

"Yes. I wish there was a way for me to start over with a clean slate. But I will always have my past to struggle with."

"McGonagall gave you a new chance. She believed in you even though she knew about the Mark on your arm, and she gave you an opportunity to a fresh start." The smile she gave him was encouraging. "There are probably more people out there who are prepared to do the same. Like me."

"You've been next to me this year, always by my side. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"I don't know about that. I wish I really had been with you, standing up for you. I promise you that that day will come, I just... don't know when. Merlin, I'm such a detestable being." She looked uncomfortable.

"Don't worry. I know what I have done and who I am. I don't blame you the slightest."

"Someday I will get that Gryffindor courage together, and then you will see. But for now, let's just take one step at a time, OK? It will just be so... messy."

He reached out and pulled her close to him. "You know, there is very little I won't do for you. As long as I can protect you from harm, may it be physical or social, I'm perfectly content."

"I'd like to think that I'm usually pretty good at protecting myself."

"I just said that I wanted to protect you, not that you're not able to. If I should be honest I would think twice before entering a duel with you."

"Really?" The smile was pleased.

"You might not have duelled the Dark Lord, but you did defeat a lot of Death Eaters during the war. Including me."

"It's probably a lot of rumours here too."

"You're courageous as few when it comes to saving the world, but turns to a coward when it comes to a kiss." He laughed softly at her.

"Very funny."

"Hey it could be worse, it could be the opposite. As with me." A cloud crossed his face, but then he smiled again. "Too good that we are one of each, or we would never have gotten to where we are today."

"Yeah. I could stay here all night."

"Don't tempt me. You need some sleep, and your friends would probably alert the authorities when they found your bed empty," he chuckled.

"Well, personally I believe that sleep is overrated, but last time we were up late I overslept and missed my breakfast."

"I wondered where you were that morning." There was a twitch in the corner of his mouth.

"And what's worse, when I came back to the Tower I had the inquisition waiting for me." She shook her head.

"What do you mean?"

"Ron saw me leave to meet you, and decided to wait up until I was back. He wasn't in a good mood when I came in, wanting to know who I had been with. Or more specifically if I had been with you."

"What did you say?"

"'I've had a romantic stroll with Draco and ended up kissing him.'."

Draco jerked back, "Really? surprised I'm not dead."

"No, I didn't," she smiled. "Ron would've had a heart attack."

He laughed. "I'm afraid you need to leave then, we don't want a Weasley in cardiac arrest. If you told him, he'd probably join Potter in the crusade for my head in that case."

"A bit paranoid, are we?"

His face got tired. "You don't think there are people out there who wishes me dead?"

"If there are, they're not Harry and Ron at least."

"Wait until they see me kissing you, and I shouldn't bet on it."

The laughter was filled with kindness. "Lucky you will have me to protect you then."

"Yes. I'd be dead already, I know. Now take your bag and get going. " He pushed her away, towards her bag.

Picking up the bag she gave him an impish smile. "It's just one thing left then."

"Oh, what?"

She walked over to him and threw her arms around his neck. "We need to say goodnight."

With a blissful smile, she pulled him down and kissed him.


	11. Confessions

**Chapter 11 – Confessions**

The common room was empty when she sneaked in late last night. There was no one there waiting for her, and if any of the girls in her dormitory was awake they didn't let her know. She had been worried that Ginny would have questions regarding where she was, but they all probably just thought that she was studying again. This morning she made sure to get up in time, and was first down in the common room as usual. At breakfast she drank her coffee with shaking hands. No Draco in sight. Did _he_ oversleep this time? Once she forced down some breakfast and started to leave he finally entered, Parkinson in tow.

Suddenly, she was really nervous, what if he had changed his mind about yesterday? But she could see him scanning the table for her, and when he found her he lit up in a big smile. No, he hadn't changed his mind. Parkinson at the other hand was not her usual chatty self. She was sitting glumly next to Draco, pushing her food around her plate. It was a pretty good guess that Draco had told her about them. For a second Hermione almost felt bad for her. Almost.

"Is everyone ready to go?" Ginny looked at her Seventh year friends. When she got affirmative answers she stood up, the rest of them following.

On the way out from the table Hermione went over to her friend. "Harry, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Yeah, of course, what is it?"

"Actually, I wanted to talk more later. Do you have time?" She tried hard not to look nervous.

"After lunch? I need to meet with Professor Flitwick, but it'll be fast. We can meet outside his classroom?"

"That sounds fine."

"Then it's decided." His face got worried. "Has anything happened?"

"Yes." With a lot of willpower she managed to stay neutral, and not start jumping up and down, smiling like an idiot.

"Is it anything I will like?"

"...Probably not."

He sighed, running a hand down his face. "Hermione... You're a trouble magnet, do you know that?"

They fell silent, both walking to their classes. At lunch they were sitting in different groups, and didn't talk. She saw him leave the table, and knew that he would be heading to Professor Flitwick's office. She was done with lunch too, so she soon followed him. The corridors were more or less empty since almost everyone still was at lunch. But when she closed in on the Charms classroom she met someone else. Parkinson. Both girls pretended not to see the other, but just when they met Hermione couldn't help but smiling. Before she knew what was happening Parkinson had gripped her arm and pulled her around until they were facing each other.

"And what are you walking around smiling at?" The girl spat out the words.

She couldn't help herself, but put on her sweetest smile. "What's wrong, Parkinson? You seem upset."

The answer was a quickly drawn wand that pointed at her throat. Suddenly she got a bit worried. This was the girl who wanted to sell out The Chosen One to Voldemort in front of the whole school after all. Who knew what she was capable of.

"Shut up. I know what to do with people like you."

"Can't we just —"

"I told you to shut up!" The wand jabbed her in the throat. "You think you're something special, don't you? Golden-girl _Granger_, the perfect, prissy _princess_! All the years I've been waiting, and then he picks you! But this will never last, because —"

"_Expelliarmus!_" The wand flew out of Parkinson's hand. Both girls turned their heads to see Harry as the new arrival. He was standing down the corridor, his face cold and a voice filled with anger. Slowly he walked closer to them, the wand still pointing at the Slytherin girl. "Just give me a reason," he dared, "Don't believe for a second that I'll play nice just because we're on school property."

Parkinson looked like a rabbit caught in the headlight as he closed in on them, still holding out his wand.

"Step away from her," he warned again.

Suddenly Parkinson unfroze, realising she's without her wand, cornered by two Gryfindors, and took a couple of steps back.

"Hermione, are you hurt?" Harry slowly put down his wand.

"No, I'm fine."

"Of course you're fine!" Parkinson found her tongue. "You're always fine! You think you're so nice and perfect, but I know what you are. You're just a filthy little Mudblood, and nothing can change that, nothing!"

Harry's wand was targeting Parkinson again, his face cold and angry, "Watch. Your. Mouth."

The Slytherin girl pressed her lips together and shoot a look filled with hate at Hermione. After that she turned and started to run down the corridor. She stopped momentary and picked up her wand, and then she disappeared around a corner.

"Trouble magnet, what did I say?" He walked over to her with a worried face. "Are you OK?"

"Yes, she didn't hurt me."

"Liar. I saw your face when she yelled at you, and don't tell me it didn't hurt you."

"They're just words." Of course it was a lie. Parkinson knew exactly where to hit for it to hurt the most. She _was_ a Mudblood, and nothing could change that. That was true. And how long would it take before Draco realised that he needed a pure-blood at his side and not someone like her?

"Bad words." There was a deep sigh. "Forget about her, she's not worth the energy. You wanted to talk with me?"

"We can go to the office, it should be empty now." She started to lead the way.

"You mean that I'm going to see the famous mentors' office for real?" The amusement in his voice was easy to hear.

"Yes, it's really about time that you'll see my second home here at Hogwarts." Forcefully she pushed away Parkinson's words, and tried to focus on Harry instead. She hadn't decided what to say yet, she planned on improvising. It was probably a bad idea, but there seemed to be a limited numbers of alternatives of what to say when you were in some kind of relationship with a Death-Eater and your best friend was Harry Potter.

When they came to the classroom it was empty, and they went through it to get to the office. The office was empty too, so they sat down on the closest chairs. Harry looked around at the plain furnishings, and Hermione laughed at his expression.

"What, isn't this the luxurious retreat you imagined?"

"No, not really. But then I'm a bit stressed too."

"Why?"

He gave her a long look. "You take me away from everyone who can hear, to tell me something that I'm not going to like. I am a bit stressed over what you're going to say, yes."

"I see."

"So why not start? Just get it over with. Do I need to put away my wand first?"

"I don't know... Hopefully not."

"Get out with it, I'm not stupid, you know. I know this is eating you"

With a worried face she took a deep breath. "Well. I wasn't in the library the whole night yesterday, I was here."

"And you weren't alone." He filled in.

"No. I was here with Draco."

"You mean the bastard who hurt you so bad that you almost couldn't stand up without support?"

"Mm... This is not going so well so far, I can hear that." She scratched her cheek and looked at him with a worried expression.

"You can't be serious, Hermione, don't tell me that you have forgiven that easy?"

"Well, it was a big misunderstanding, and when we started to talk it turned out to be pretty stupid. It really just comes down to if I trust him or not, and... I do."

"No. No, no. _How_ can you trust him? Hasn't he proved over and over that he's not trustworthy? What do I have to say to make you understand?"

"But he is. You don't know him."

"And you do? Are you sure of that?"

"Yes." Her face turned calm and relaxed. "I know him enough to know that I can trust him. You see, that was my mistake. I knew that he would never do anything to harm me, but I lost faith and stopped believing in it. Because it really looked like he was trying to hurt me."

"He _did_ hurt you, remember?"

"We can stay at this forever I believe, so I'm just going to put a stop to it. Draco is a dear friend, and nothing you can say will change that."

He sighed deeply. "Hermione. What should I do with you? Lock you up? Malfoy is a _git_, and nothing you can say will change that."

"You have to give him a chance."

"I do?" Harry scoffed. "Why do I have to do that? It's not like he's deserves it."

"No, but it's the right thing to do. Show some generosity and have some faith in humankind. I did it. McGonagall did it. None of us were disappointed."

"What did McGonagall do? Let him come back to school?"

"Well, not only that. Don't you think it was a risk when she put someone like Draco as a teacher? But she took that risk, because she believed that Draco was worth it. And it turned out fine. Well, almost..."

"He couldn't do it after all? What happened?"

"It's not Draco's fault. We can talk about that some other time." A hint of hopelessness crossed her face.

"Fine, let's talk about you now. And the fact that you're insane. Am I supposed to be covering for you when you're with him now again?"

"No, I'm not going to hide my friendship with Draco." She lifted her chin slightly. Yeah, friendship. Totally, Hermione.

"You're going to tell the others?"

"If needed, yes. I plan to actually spend some time with him outside the office too, and I suppose that people will notice." Her voice was very matter-of-fact, not showing any of that anxiety it made her feel.

"You realise that Ron and Gin will be mad? They probably won't talk to you for a long time."

"If they're childish like that, it's their problem." Her lips were tightly pressed together.

"You can't see why they're acting like that? A year ago you hated him too. Can't you empathise with them?"

"Yes, I do understand. If you told me this on the train this autumn I would have declared you totally insane. But no one forces _them_ to socialise with him, and I should be allowed to have other friends than you three."

He sighed again and shook his head. "And I'm afraid that this will be too much for Ron, he has started to move on with his life after you, and... What are you giggling at?"

She really shouldn't be laughing, but she couldn't help imagine Ron's face if she and Draco kissed in front of him. "I'm sorry, I was just thinking about something... amusing."

"Why do I have a sinking feeling that you're gonna take after Malfoy now?"

"That doesn't have to be a bad thing."

"I don't like his kind of humour. And I didn't think you did either. I didn't see you laugh at Parkinson earlier."

"He's not like that any more." There was something impatient on her face.

"So you're saying, he might not call you ugly names to your face any more, but he's still the kind of person who amuses himself at other people's expense."

Thinking about it she remembered some of the things he had said about Ron, slightly mean but always hitting the mark. She had laughed at them, with him. Suddenly she felt a little ashamed of herself.

"Yeah, I can see that I'm right." He covered his face with a hand for a couple of seconds before looking at her again. "You can get better friends, way better friends. So why did you pick someone like him?"

"I think we got picked together. We both needed each other. I need him. He can give me things that no one else can." Now she was dangerously close to telling it all. Maybe it was time to tell it now? Soon? She felt her courage ebb away again.

"Well, there's one interesting question left. You're planning to be open with your friendship, right? Let everyone see? Why did you feel the need to tell me before you go public? What do you want from me?"

OK, this was it. "Because I haven't told you everything."

He looked devastated. "There's _more_?"

"I and Draco... we are like... We're in a relationship. We haven't talked so much about definitions, but I believe that you can say that I'm his... girlfriend," she hesitated over the word.

There was a long silence. "The worst part is that I don't believe that you're kidding." He shook his head. "I shouldn't be surprised, I've been pretty sure of your feelings for him for a while, but I never thought..."

"This, on the other hand, are we not planning to go public with. We're taking one step at a time."

"Then why are you telling me? What made you think that I wanted to know?"

"I... I don't know. I just felt that I wanted you to know. Partly because it feels good to have a friend that know you, but partly because I don't want to lie to you."

"Well now I know." Slowly a wry smile downed on his face. "And so does Parkinson, am I right?"

"I think so. And I don't think she likes it."

"You don't say?" The smile stayed but he shook his head. "I am a bit worried about what had happened if I didn't come by when I did."

"I'm too, honestly. I must admit that she scares me a bit."

"You'll have to do something about it you know. You can't run around looking over your shoulder all the time." A worried line appeared on his forehead.

"Yeah, I guess I'll have to talk to Draco about it. He can probably make her behave."

"You're sure about that? One day he's with her, then he ditches her and now he's with you. I'm not sure that she will listen to him."

"No, he was never with her, it was just Parkinson inventing things she wanted to be true." A sting of compassion went through her.

"That's what he says. And you just buy it."

"Yes, I do, because I trust him. But if it makes you feel better I can tell you that Parkinson confirmed it earlier. She said that she had waited in so many years for him and then he chose me instead."

They looked at each other for a couple of seconds, until Harry said what they both were thinking. "If it was someone else I believe I would feel bad for her."

"Yes. But if she wanted me to feel sorry for her she shouldn't have attacked me in the first place."

"True that." He looked at her somewhere between rejection and reluctant amusement. "And now you're in a relationship with him?

"I guess I am."

"And you're happy?"

"Extremely." Her smile was dazzling.

"This is not happening..." With a sigh he hid his face in his hands. Another sigh and then he looked up at her. "I guess there's no chance of talking you out of it?"

"Nope, not a chance. I've made my decisions. There's nothing to talk about."

"But still..." His eyes got very serious and he straightened up a bit. "This is a Death Eater we're talking about, there's no getting away from that. Do you really want to get involved with that part of the war?"

"He hates his Mark, and he never wished to be part of Voldemort's movement anyway. Even I don't know half of the horrible things that happened to him Sixth Year."

"Of course he hates his Mark, I believe it's very inconvenient for him now. But think about it. Lucius Malfoy, Bartemius Crouch Jr., Amycus Carrow. They were all the same. He's one of them."

"He's nothing like them. They were in the fight because they wanted to, he wasn't."

"We've had a long time growing up together. I believe I heard him utter a thing or two that _clearly_ put him on their side." He looked tired and a bit annoyed.

"He was a kid, for crying out loud! As you said, we've all grown a bit since then."

"It doesn't take away the fact that he's dangerous. This is someone who has used the Cruciatus curse on other _human beings_."

"So did you!"

The silence was intense, and Harry looked as if she had slapped him across the face. She wished immediately that she could take it back, press rewind and make it unsaid in some way. The haunted look in his eyes was clear now, and all traces of smiles and amusement was gone. Slowly she reached out a hand, while silently cursing herself with every bad word she could find.

"Harry, I didn't mean..."

He rose from the chair and walked over to the window.

"We both know that you never..."

"No." His voice was shaking and his face was ashen. "You're right. He was a Death Eater, and he did it only because he was forced, because Voldemort was amusing himself. I know, I saw it. He was on the Dark side, and he did it against his will, to save the life of himself and those he loved." A shudder rippled through his body. "And I… I did it because I wanted to, and because I enjoyed it." The self-loathing in his eyes was painful to watch. "Who am I to judge him?"

"Harry, don't do this to yourself."

"They celebrate me, think I'm some kind of saint. And when it comes to the real story, I'm darker than him. I should tell everyone, letting them know what kind of person I really am."

"We've talked about this, nothing will get better if you tell the whole world about the bad things you believe that you've done, it will all just be worse. You were living under high levels of stress, and you had to take extreme measures to save the world. We all did." Suddenly she felt tears threaten behind her eyelids. "Harry, I'm sorry for saying something like that, it was very insensitive of me."

"But true."

"Let's talk about me and Draco instead. We were here yesterday, standing in that very spot..." She pointed to an invented spot somewhere between them. "...and kissing like idiots!"

It worked. Harry's eyes grew big, but the haunted expression subsided.

"Oversharing, thank you."

"You're welcome." Her grin was big and relieved. "Come and sit down."

Suspiciously he made a detour around the spot Hermione had pointed out on the way back to his chair. "Where were we? I believe that we disagreed about your boyfriend. I think the only thinkable way is to ditch him and then run for your life, you are in love and refuse to see reason. That's about it, right?" His voice was easy-going, but a bit forced.

'Your boyfriend.' The sound of those words made her stomach tickle. That meant Draco. Suddenly she longed for him so much that it hurt. Just to see those eyes, hear his voice, knowing that he was close and everything was going to be all right.

"Yeah, I can see on that smile that you're a lost cause. For the record I'd like to state that I really don't like Draco Malfoy. But I suppose it could be worse."

She started to laugh. "Honestly, how could it be worse?"

"Well, you could be pregnant."

"Harry!"

"Just saying." His expression turned worried, and he leaned in, like he's sharing a secret. "You're not, are you?"

"No!"

"That's good at least. In that case I really might have had to kill him."

"You're not going to give him trouble about this are you?"

"Well... I'm not sure yet. I might have to make him aware what awaits him if he hurts you again. Just so we all are clear about that."

"It wasn't him who hurt me, it was really Parkinson. And I think he is vividly aware of you anyway." She tilted her head and got an impish smile. "But feel free to make Parkinson a bit more... _aware_, that was fun."

"You want to see me brutally threaten a fellow student, use spells against her and bully her until she runs away? Because it's fun? You've been spending too much time with Malfoy."

"Don't be like that, you liked it too. Admit it, it felt good to return some of what that cow has done to us back to her."

"I don't know. It felt good to be able to defend you, but the rest of the time I was mostly pissed off."

"Hm. Next time, give her a taste of what you're capable of. That way she might leave me alone." In the same moment she looked at Harry she regretted her choice of words.

"What, you think I should use a _Crucio_ on her?" His face was back to his haunted state.

"No, of course not!" She desperately tried to find something to say.

"I wonder..." There was a glimmer in his eyes. "Do you think your boyfriend would use that spell to protect you?"

"As a first alternative, never. If he had no other choice, without a doubt." Thoughtfully she met his eyes. "I might have to regret saying this, but you're not so different after all."

"Please don't compare me with that lowlife." His voice was still tired, but his expression had lightened up a bit. "I don't appreciate being mixed up with someone with his past."

"Well, he's going to pay for it. Dearly, if he's unlucky."

"What do you mean?"

"He's been summoned to a new trial. Some of the students have complained, and it's made its way all the way back to the Ministry."

"What will happen to him?"

"We're not sure." The fear she felt must be visible. "If he's lucky, nothing. If he's not that lucky, Azkaban. Or somewhere in between."

"I see. Well, it's none of my business anyway."

"We're going to check earlier cases, and try to make it more positive for him, getting testimonials and stuff. We hope that McGonagall will write something about how well he has worked as a mentor this year."

"Don't look at me. He's a Death Eater, I have nothing good to say about him."

She bit her lip in indecision, but made up her mind. "Maybe you can do something else?"

"And what would that be?"

"It would look very good if Professor Slughorn wrote something about what a good student he is, but he doesn't like Death Eaters..."

"Neither do I. What do you want me to do about it?"

"Well, if _you_ asked Slughorn to do it..." The look on his face said everything. "Or maybe not."

"I'm sorry Hermione, I get that you're excited about this guy, but... I don't like Malfoy. _Really_ don't like him. And I hate to use my fame to get things." His expression was honest, and a bit regretting.

"But you saved him from the Room of Requirement."

"Do I want him to die? No. But do I want him to have the consequences he deserves? Yes, and I have to believe that this trial will give him that."

"I see. Well, it was worth a try. I'd have to go there with Draco then, maybe he gets more willing to do it if I'm present."

"I'm sorry that your boyfriend is threatened with being shipped off to Azkaban, but he _is_ a Death Eater, shouldn't he already be there? Maybe you should prepare yourself for that outcome." Seeing her face he started to protest. "I'm not trying to be mean or insensitive here, I'm just trying to be practical. You haven't picked the most convenient man."

"I didn't pick him to be convenient, and I'm sure not going to let him slip away. I'm going to fight for this, and it will end good, it just has to."

Suddenly he smiled wryly. "If anyone can keep Malfoy out of Azkaban it's you."

"You think I can?"

"Yes, I think. The way you look when you're talking about him... I get a feeling that you will move mountains" His smile turned soft. "He doesn't know how lucky he is." Then he got thoughtful. "Just between you and me, you've been interested in him for a long time, haven't you?"

"I don't know. I didn't realise I was until recently, but I guess it had been on its way for some time, yes."

"Promise me one thing." He got very serious. "Don't tell Ron that. No matter how much you are fighting, don't tell him he was substituted with Malfoy while you still were together. It will break him. And he _will_ kill Malfoy."

"You make it sound like I had some shady business together with Draco back then, I didn't. And don't you think he will figure it out by himself?"

"We'll hope not. Sorry to say, but it's Ron we're talking about. It's a possibility that he won't even think about it."

"I guess you're right." There was a big sigh. "So. You're OK with me and Draco being friends again. You're forcefully against our relationship, but you seem to handle it OK anyway. You are not going to kill Draco. Am I right?"

"More or less about the two first at least." He muttered something to himself.

"Oh, come on, you can't—"

The door opened and the person in question entered. He stopped inside the door, looking a bit uncomfortable when he saw Harry, but then nodded to both of them.

"Sorry for interrupting, I'm just going to get a book. But you do know that class starts in fifteen minutes?" With a forced calmness he walked over the room and towards one of the bookshelves. When he turned around to leave Harry had risen and now stood blocking his way.

"We have to talk, Malfoy." His face was hard.

"Harry, don't..." Hermione sounded tired but also a bit worried.

"I'm sorry, but there are some things we have to straighten out." He turned to Draco. "I hear that you two are a little more than just friends?"

"Yes." The nervousness was obvious.

"Well, some time ago a very sad Hermione appeared in our common room. She was terribly hurt because someone had mistreated her. Do you know who that was?"

"Harry, listen, you know that—" She was cut off by Harry.

"This is between me and Malfoy." With a grim face he turned his attention back to the Slytherin. "Do you know who it was who hurt her so bad?"

"It was me." His voice was almost inaudible.

"But now she seems pretty content, don't you think?"

"Yes."

"And I would say that it is in both our interest that it stays that way. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes."

"Good. Because if I get to hear that you have hurt her again you'll regret it, I promise."

"OK, now that's enough." Hermione stood up and placed herself between the boys. "You've made your point Harry, we all understand." Discreetly she backed up until she was standing next to Draco.

"Hm. I guess I've done my part here today, I better leave. You have ten and some minutes until class start, I suggest that you don't be late." Then he turned and walked out the door, closing it gently behind him.

o O o

No one really cared when the two mentors slunk in at the last minute, but some heads turned when they realised that they were sitting together and not with their houses as usual. It felt nice to sit next to him, feel him move and smell the specifically pleasant scent that was typical for him, she couldn't figure out what it was, though. She wondered absent-mindedly what a cauldron of Amortentia would smell like now. After the class they went back to their classroom, it was time for a mentors' class. If the students who came early thought something about how their earlier so stiff mentors were suddenly talking and joking in low voices, they didn't say anything. The class was uneventful, and soon the students were passing through the doorway again. The two mentors stayed behind as usual to clean up.

"You really meant it when you said that you're not going to hide our friendship any more." Draco looked at her with a warm smile while collecting some books.

"Yes. It's about time that someone stands up for you, and I guess it will have to be me. It feels really good." She moved a desk back in its former position. "If I could choose I would be with you all the time, but that's not really possible..."

"No, but we have tonight. If you can come?" They went for the door, but before they reached it he lifted a hand and stroke her cheek, finishing with pressing a finger on her lips for a moment.

"Yes, but I don't know when." Her smile was warm and a bit longing. "I thought I should tell Ron and Ginny about our friendship, better that they hear it from me than through rumours. So it depends on how long time that takes. It can be very quick. I tell them, they say 'We hate you', they walk out, end. In that case I might be there before you." She winked at him, but still there was some seriousness underneath.

"Your friends are a bit difficult."

"Yeah, look who's talking." With an amused smile she rolled her eyes.

Draco looked bewildered. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Just that we should talk about Parkinson when an opportunity arises."

"If you say so..." His face was still confused. "We should go. See you tonight."

"Yes, if I'm not in house arrest by then. See you."

She walked towards Gryffindor Tower in deep thoughts. It was so much to juggle at once. Her feelings for Draco, her friends reaction to their friendship, the trial, Parkinson, Harry and his protectiveness, and then school on top of that. She wasn't really sure of when she should get the time to figure it all out. After reaching the door she climbed in through the door and looked down on a filled common room. Now she just needed to find—

"Hermione!" Ron really had a loud voice. "Get over here this instant!"

Slowly she went towards the back of the room, where Ron and Harry was sitting. She could feel many eyes on her when she passed. Somewhere to her left she could see Ginny leaving her friends to join them. It looked like there would be a full trial. She sat down in the armchair opposite Ron.

"We thought that maybe you could explain a thing to us." Ron still looked upset, but at least he wasn't yelling.

"I can try to. What is it you want me to explain?"

"Oh, don't play innocent." There was an irritated noise from Ginny. "We're not stupid."

"You're seeing bloody _Malfoy_ again!" Her brother sat up straight in the chair.

"Yes." What else was there to say?

The irritation was clear with the other girl. "We got to hear it from one of the girls from your class. She said that you sat together all lesson, and then left smiling and talking. You made us believe that you had broken with him, and then it turns out that you're friendly with him anyway."

"It's recent, and I was going to tell you today, right now, actually."

"What do you mean recent?"

"It's all new. We talked about our problems, and realised that we didn't have any, and... well... we're back to friends." She didn't like that she wasn't being straight to her friends, but at least she wasn't lying.

"Unbelievable." Ron stared at her in disgust. "You actually chose to go back to that creep and try to puzzle the whole sodding thing back together. You have strange ways of choosing your friends." There was a warning in the last words.

His sister looked at her in disbelief. "So, you bump into each other on the lunch break, say 'Hi, want to be friends', and then you're all chums and everything is fine?"The anger was tainted with disappointment.

"It wasn't really like that."

"Then by all means, enlighten us."

"No, just... I went to the office to study yesterday, I haven't been there for a long time. And then he was there too, we started to talk, and things worked themselves out."

"Can you understand that we feel betrayed?" It was obvious that Ginny tried to keep her temper.

Hermione was quiet for a couple of seconds. "Yes, I suppose. But it is so unnecessary. This is just another friend of mine, you don't have to socialise with him, why can't it just be like that? I don't like you less just because I like Draco. Why can't you see that?"

"Because he's a bloody Death Eater!" Ron's voice had no problem reaching the furthest parts of the common room. Quite a few heads turned.

"Please don't yell, we can use our normal voices." Hermione tried not to look irritated. "He has no wishes to be a Death Eater, and all he wants is for people to understand that. That was in his past."

"But you can't deny one thing. Whatever you or he says, he still has his Mark. It's there for a reason." For once, Harry was speaking up.

"I know, I've seen it. It's not much to talk about, really."

"You've seen it? What, he's undressing for you now?" Ron's temper was on the boiling point.

She couldn't help it, a small amused smile played on her lips. "No, he's definitely not." It took great effort not to look up at Harry, but she was pretty sure that the expression on his face would make her start laughing.

"You think this is funny, do you?

"No, I don't." Her smile disappeared and she sighed. "What do you want me to say?"

"It's pretty simple. We just want you to say that you choose us before him." Ginny's face was like stone.

"And I'm saying that I'm not going to choose. There's no reason that I can't be friends with all of you at once. I don't know where you've got that silly idea from."

"We're the silly ones here?" Ron grit his teeth together to keep his temper down.

"No, I'm just saying..." She looked at Harry with a helpless expression.

"Don't look at me, you have to handle this on your own. You know where I stand."

Pushing himself up from the chair Ron had a look of tightly restrained anger. "This is stupid. I'm not taking any part in this any more. You have chosen and I'm sorry to see that you didn't choose us."

"Can't we stop with this choosing business? It's insane that I can't have my own friends. My best friends don't _allow_ me to have other friends. Am I supposed to ask you for permission before I do things?" Suddenly she felt anger rise. "What makes you believe that you can dictate what choices I make?"

There was silence, then Ron was the one to start speak. "This is not about what you're allowed to, it's about what kind of person you are. And you are obviously that kind of girl who find joy in the company of Draco Malfoy. And that kind of people is not the kind I prefer to spend time with." He turned and headed for a table a bit away where some of the other seventh year students sat.

Hermione turned and looked at Ginny.

"Well, pretty much what he said. If you're so adored by Malfoy you are obviously not the kind of girl I thought you were." She pressed her lips together for some seconds, suddenly looking slightly unsure. "It's a good thing you're not pure-blood, in that case I would really had been concerned." Forcing a smile she turned to Harry. "I'm going to bed, see you tomorrow." Quickly she pressed a kiss on his cheek, and then she disappeared up the stairs.

"It could have been worse." It was hard to read Harry's face.

"Could it? They both just left after stating how I am an unwanted person. An unwanted friend."

"Well, it could of course have been a lot better too, but I don't think you were anticipating that. Were you?"

"No, but... I hoped they should be angry and then realise how much our friendship meant and that we'll have to find a way to live with it." There was a big sigh and she looked very tired.

"Ginny will come around. You heard her in the end, she still haven't given up on you."

"You think?"

"Yes. She likes you, and even though she mistrusts Malfoy, she still trusts you. I'm perfectly confident that the two of you will figure it out, just give her some time to cool off."

"I do hope you're right." she sighed, "Ron, on the other hand..."

"Yeah, that might be a bit tricky. I did try to warn you about his reaction."

"But how could I defend myself from that? It's true, all of it. Draco is, by definition of his Dark Mark, a Death Eater. I do find joy in his company. Maybe Ginny is right, maybe I'm not the girl I used to be." She looked down on her lap with a troubled face.

"In some ways you have changed, in others you are still good old Hermione. But you have been talking about getting yourself a new life, and if you really want that, of course things have to change."

"Nice to see that I haven't been talking to deaf ears." A small smile showed itself on her lips. "I didn't want to change away my friends though."

"Ginny will come back. And I will talk to Ron and see what I can do. I must say that I do understand him, but he is taking it a step too far."

With a sigh she flung her arms about. "I just wish I could make you see Draco as I do. Then we wouldn't have this discussion. He's _warm_ and _funny_, he's smart and he smells so good, he's Draco in a special way that is just him, and..." The blush couldn't be stopped.

"Yes, thank you, that's quite enough." He cleared his throat and looked around. "That's a way I _really_ don't want to think about Malfoy."

"Sorry, I got a bit carried away." A mischievous smile flashed up. "And I believe that I'm going to study some Potions now. Both Ron and Ginny have fled, so I guess I'm allowed to leave too."

"Hermione, before you leave." Harry leaned forward and looked her in the eyes with a very serious expression. "Are you fully and totally convinced that it is this you want? Because I really don't want you to get harmed in any way. And I'm sorry, but you still haven't convinced me that Malfoy isn't harmful."

"Yes, I am." Her smile was light and satisfied. "This is _exactly_ what I want."


	12. Unexpected help

_Note: This chapter contains a scene with threats of sexual violence. Nothing graphic, but obvious suggestions of vile intentions._

**Chapter 12 – Unexpected help**

When Hermione came to the office she stopped outside the door for a moment. Happiness flowed through her, so intense that it almost made her scared. What if it just was her imagination? Could this really be true? What was waiting on the other side of the door? Suddenly the door was big and terrifying, and she held her breath while opening it.

Draco was sitting at their usual desk, a book open in front of him, ink spots drying on his left hand and a quill in the other, hovering over parchment. When she stepped inside he looked up, and his serious face split up in a brilliant smile. She took a deep breath to compensate, and then another, because everything was like it was supposed to be. Her answering smile was totally content and radiating bliss. With a happy sigh she walked over to the desk and started to take out her books and writing material.

"I can see that you're not under house arrest at least." He waited until she had placed her last item, the brown quill, on the desk, and then leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth. When she turned her head towards him and lifted her face in a expecting gesture he laughed softly and kissed her on the lips too.

"Much better." There was an aura of clear satisfaction about her. "And no, no house arrest. On the other hand I'll be happy if I'm allowed back in."

"Oh, that bad?" A frown formed on his face.

"Yes. Ron more or less said that I had changed into someone he didn't want to have any contact with, and then he just left. Ginny was a bit better, but not much. She said that she agreed with Ron, but admitted that it had been worse if I had been pure-blood. Then she said goodnight and left too. Harry was left, of course, and tried to talk me out of it as usual. Oh, and yeah, Ron wasn't really restraining his speaking volume, so a filled common room heard him shout about Death Eaters. Or at least a special one. I guess our friendship is out in the open for real now."

"Let's just hope you don't have any problems from it. I would hate it if something happened to you, I mean, it would all be my fault. I really don't like that I may have put you in harm's way."

"It's nothing to worry about. Who would be interested in picking a fight with me?"

"You're right. Celebrated hero from the war, respected mentor and best friend with Harry Potter. Hopefully that will be enough to keep you safe." He still seemed a bit doubtful.

"I'm much more worried about my friends than possible trouble with some unknown person."

"They _are_ a bit troublesome, aren't they?"

"Yeah, talking about troublesome friends, did Parkinson tell you that she was close to obliteration today?" There was a small, slightly amused smile on her lips.

"No, what do you mean?" He looked worried.

"She got into a wand fight with Harry." Now the smile was definitely amused.

"What!" His eyes got big, and the worry turned to full alarm. "How... why, what happened?"

"It actually wasn't much of a fight, Harry disarmed her and then just enlightened her of the advantages of not pissing him off."

"But why did she have the wand out to begin with?"

"Oh, she was attacking me." She tried to look casual while giving the answer.

"She did _what_?" While cursing quietly to himself he reached out and put a hand on Hermione's cheek. "She'll be in _so_ much trouble when I find her. Are you OK? Did she hurt you?"

"She didn't hurt me, she just held me at wands point and came with some threats. Then Harry showed up and solved it all. I don't believe she appreciated that." The amused smile was back.

"What kind of threats were they?"

"Oh, nothing fancy. Just that she knew what to do with people like me. I honestly couldn't tell if she was serious or not."

"Neither can I. She's not a star at curses, but her family was quite loyal to the Dark Lord. Who know what she's picked up. I don't think you should treat this as a joke."

"You say that I should be prepared for having your best friend cursing me in the back in the corridors?"

"She won't be my best friend if she pulls a stunt like that again. I promise that I'll deal with her, I'm pretty confident that I can get her to listen. She's quite easy to intimidate."

"You're going to threaten her at wand point too?"

"No, I'm going to threaten her with my arm." His face was grim.

Big eyes and a disbelieving face met him. "_You're going to hit her?"_

"No, stupid." He rolled his eyes. "But if I roll up my sleeve and shove the arm in her face she'll end up a shaking heap on the floor."

"It will affect her that much?" A disapproving expression could be seen behind her curiosity.

"Pansy was a loyal follower to the Dark Lord. She always looked up to me when we grew up, and when I got the Mark she was so excited and proud that she almost turned somersaults."

"She knew?"

"Yes. I had to tell someone, or I had gone insane. I knew she was perfectly loyal and would never expose me." He sighed and his face turned grim again. "I think she had romanticised me being a Death Eater, imagining me in charge. The greatest power there is to get, and implying that I was a great and ruthless wizard. And even though I am fallen, I still have those powers, right? At least in her mind."

"So... she believes that you are going to _Crucio_ her if she disobeys you? Or what?" There was definitely disapproval now.

"Maybe. She probably expects me to be more imaginative than that."

"And you're going to let her believe that?"

"If it keeps her away from you, yes."

"I don't like it." She looked at him with her lips tightly pressed together. "You're using the methods of Voldemort's terror reign against her. No matter who she is, that is wrong."

"I told you, there's very little I won't do for you, to keep you safe. I won't risk _you_ getting hit in the back by a _Crucio_, there's no way I'll allow you to be subjected to that again. So if these kind of threats is what it takes to assure that you're safe from Pansy, then it's the course I'll take."

"But still..."

"Hermione, do you honestly think I will actually do those things to Pansy?"

There was a moment's silence before she slowly answered. "If you really had to, if we're talking like a life and death situation, I think you would. If you thought it was urgent enough." Her face was sad and almost apologetic.

"And where does that leave us?" An unreadable face was all that met her.

Yes, where did that leave them? This was Dark ways of handling things, the threats of using Dark curses. But what was really the difference between this and Harry's threat 'not to play nice'? And even Harry had used the Unforgivables, including the Cruciatus curse. Sometimes it was so hard to see the line between good and evil. They used the Imperius curse in their search for the horcruxes, but then it was in the name of good, for the greater good. The last part made her think of Dumbledore, and she got even more confused. But Draco did it to keep her safe, it was for a good cause after all. Who was she to judge him and call him evil? And somewhere in the bottommost part of her heart she must admit that the picture of a Parkinson scared half to death was appealing.

"I think it takes us back to the statement that nothing is black or white. I spontaneously believe that it is wrong, but thinking about it I can't judge you for taking that path. You don't have my blessing, but it will not come between us."

"Good. Because I really think that it's the most efficient way to handle it. Just let me take care of it." He reached out a hand and took hers. "We are different, with different upbringings and different friends and acquaintances. We will handle things in different ways. I think we must learn to deal with that, and pretty fast, if this is going to work." There was an amused smile. "And I think you need to realise that the shining white of good isn't always that white."

"I know that, I'm best friends with Harry." The look on her face clearly told that that wasn't supposed to be said out loud.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He watched her with a curious expression. "No, wait, don't tell me. I have a healthy respect for Potter as it is, I don't need to add anything to that."

"Please don't tell anyone that I said that, Harry will kill someone if that gets out."

"Like you?"

Her face was tired. "More likely himself."

"That bad? Now I'm really getting worried over here. Remind me again to never get on his bad side."

"I'm talking too much."

"And I will hurry to erase it from my memory. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"How about some Potions now, huh? I think it's time we switch topics. After, we can look at what we have for the trial?"

"That seems like a good plan. There's just a small detail I have to take care of." With a satisfied smile he pulled her closer and kissed her thoroughly.

o O o

It was Saturday morning, and they could be found studying in their office as usual. There was not the same air of concentration as usual though, and Hermione fiddled distractedly with the pages in her book.

"Would you please stop that? I'm trying to focus here." Her boyfriend gave her a disapproving look, but with a smile underneath.

"Sorry, I'm having a problem concentrating."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." He put down his quill. "There's no real flow today." With a sigh he looked out through the window. "Are we insane?"

"Probably." She thought about a song she listened to when she was younger, about Millie and her boyfriend, who was very much in love, and very much insane. She couldn't keep a giggle from emerging. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's brilliant sunshine and a blue sky outside, the first day of the year with spring in the air, and we're locked up in a room immersed in books."

"Yeah, definitely insane." With a tilted head she looked at him. "Do you want to go outside?"

"I think I'd like to." He looked down at his books hopelessly, flipping one shut with a sigh, "It's not like I'm getting anywhere here anyway. A walk would be nice."

Hermione nodded. "But do you know what? Today most of the students are in Hogsmeade. Why don't we go there too?"

"I don't know, it's our day in Diagon Alley next Saturday, and we're going to miss a whole day there."

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun. We have all night to study." She shook her head. "I can't believe it, I'm sounding like Ron."

"I certainly don't like that. And I wouldn't agree with you if it wasn't for the facts that I can't focus here, I really want to go outside, and I believe that I need to refill my stash of liquorice." There was a quick grin.

"So we're going?"

"Yeah, let's do it."

"Sweet! Entrance Hall in fifteen?"

"Sounds good," he agreed.

They packed down their things and parted outside the classroom. Hermione hurried up to her dormitory and got changed. After a couple of minutes of her waiting at the big outer exit doors, he showed up.

"Sorry if I'm late, I had to have a discussion with Pansy."

"Nothing serious, I hope."

"She was just having some 'you spend a lot of time with her, so you never have time for me any more' kind of arguments'."

"Oh, I see. Well, let's get out of here."

They walked the way over to Hogsmeade, enjoying the nice weather and the soft air flavoured with a taste of spring. The only thing missing was the possibility to hold hands, but they didn't dare to. Instead they walked close and talked with their heads together. Maybe not so innocent, but not giving anything away for sure.

Once they arrived at Hogsmeade, they strolled down the street in a leisurely manner. They both looked at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, then at each other, and started to laugh.

"Promise we'll never go there. Never." Hermione still had a laughter in the corner of her mouth.

"That's a promise I'll be happy to keep." His face turned thoughtful. "Do you want to be taken on dates? We never really had any."

"Maybe our night under the stars can count as one?"

"That was nice, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was." She smiled. "We can call this a date if you like. Honeydukes is a much better destination than Madam Puddifoot's."

"Let's go there then." With a sweeping gesture he pointed her towards the sweet shop.

Inside there was _a lot _of students, and they had to push their way through all the people. They found the coveted liquorice, and then Draco turned to her.

"I want to buy you some chocolate too."

Her smile was thankful but she shook her head. "You really don't have to."

"I know, but I want to. Come on, what flavour should we get you?" He took her in the arm and dragged her over to the chocolate bars. "Bilberry? Or what about ginger?"

"I don't know." She couldn't help laughing.

"Honey crisp?"

"I think bilberry will be fine." The laughter was still in her eyes.

"Are you sure? It isn't a bit boring?"

"No. Sometimes they're just trying too hard finding new flavours. Best to stay classic."

"Bilberry it is then." He picked up his purchases and went to the counter to pay.

Hermione looked at him as he waited for getting to pay, and noticed how happy he looked, even though there was a lot of people around. Usually he was quiet around people, making sure not to take more space than absolutely necessary. He didn't have this posture and expression in the start of the year. Now he looked more free and relaxed. She smiled to herself. If buying her chocolate did this to him she had to let him do it more often.

After a while he came back, giving her the chocolate, which she took quite happily, "I don't want to go back right away, let's take a walk first." He turned towards her when he went out the door, backing so he could keep the door open. And by doing so, he managed to knock into the next person going into Honeydukes. That next person was Ron Weasley.

"Oi, what are you..." Ron fell quiet when Draco turned around and he saw who it was.

"Oh, I'm so..." At the same time Draco stopped in the middle of his sentence when he saw Ron. "I'm sorry." His happy face had turned to stone.

Hermione stepped out the door, seeing Ron with Harry and Ginny behind him. When Ron saw her next to Draco he lost it. He grabbed the front of his clothes, pulled him down from the doorstep and threw him out in the street where he fell down. Harry stepped forward and put a hand on Ron's shoulder.

"Let it go, Ron. It's not worth it."

"I'm going to show that little worm what..."

Now Hermione left the doorstep and run down to Draco, who was slowly getting up from the ground.

"Are you all right?" She looked worried between him and Ron, who just looked even angrier.

"Only thing wounded was my pride. Hopefully I can live with that." It was obvious that he longed to get back at Ron, but something held him back, Harry's presence definitely a chilling effect on him.

"Let go of me!" Ron tried to get out of Harry's grip, obviously aiming for Draco. "I'm going to show him what happens when trash like him believe they are worth the same as the rest of us."

"Ron, calm down." Hermione started walk over to him with an outstretched hand. "There's no need to be so— "

"I'm not talking to people like _you_. Get out of here." He didn't condescend her with a look, just talked straight into the air. "And let _go_ of me Harry!" After a couple of hard pulls Harry changed his grip and took hold of Ron's right upper arm instead.

Ginny stepped up and took Ron's other arm, then turned to Hermione. "You better get that _thing_ out of here, or we will have a fight on our hands. I'd tell you to send him away and stay with us, but I don't think Ron is really in the mood for that."

"True that," she said bitterly, sending a sad smile to Harry, nodding to Ginny and going back to Draco. She grabbed his arm, and started walking, fast.

Behind them, she could hear Harry and Ginny trying to drag Ron away from them, and he was not happy about it. With a sigh she looked up at Draco.

"What do you say about going back to the castle? I don't want to see Ron any more today."

"That seems like a good idea." After brushing off his clothes for the last time he started to move. They walked in silence for a couple of minutes before anyone said anything. "Do you realise how lucky I was there?"

"Ron isn't really that dangerous, I don't think you had managed to do that much harm to each other without wands."

"No, but how do you think it would have looked on my trial if I had been in a fight recently?"

"That... would not have been that lucky, no." She reached out a hand and put it on his arm momentarily. "But it was sad that we had to cancel the rest of our trip. I was having a good time."

"Your ex-boyfriend sure is refined in his ways of communicating. I only hope that his verbal skills were a bit more evolved with you."

"He never tried to hit me, at least." A wry smile appeared. Maybe she was supposed to defend Ron now, and not follow Draco's lead, but at the moment she _was_ a bit mad at him. He had misbehaved after all. Not only in how he treated Draco, but also the perfectly condescendingly way he talked to her back then. Well, actually, how he had acted around her _all_ the time lately. She got it that he was disappointed, but he could act a little bit more civilised.

"Well that's good to hear. Otherwise, I might have to go looking for him and straighten a few things out."

"Not now anyway. We'll get you through that trial first."

There was a deep sigh. "That's right." He looked at her, panic rising in his eyes. "What if, in two weeks from now, I'm at Azkaban with my father? _Two weeks!"_

"You won't be, Draco. I won't allow it."

"And what will that have to do with anything in the real world?"

"Harry said that if anyone could keep you out of Azkaban it was me. He trusts me, and if he can do it, you can do it too."

"But if no one can keep me out of there? What if they already decided and the trial is just a formality?"

"We've worked hard for this, and we have a lot of time left. We will present a positive case, and they will realise that those parents just overreacted. You will come back to me, and everything will be fine." With a smile she reached out for his hand, squeezed it once then let go again.

"I dearly hope you're right." There was silence for some time, and then he reached out and touched her hair for a moment. "If you are perfectly impartial, do you think I actually should be in Azkaban with the other Death Eaters?"

"Are you kidding me? You have done nothing to be thrown into Azkaban. You've done things, sure, but not out of free will. They can't charge people with what they did under the Imperius curse, why are you different?"

"I just wish that I could believe you. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve to be there."

"But you're wrong. You deserve to be with me."

There was a long stretch of quiet before he answered. His voice was low and a bit uneven. "Do you know how much I want to kiss you right now?"

It was tempting to give up, throw her arms around him and kiss him, not caring who was watching. But something held her back, and all she could do was smile. She ached to touch him, and cursed herself for her cowardice. Slowly she took his hand and pressed it hard for a couple of seconds.

"Maybe we should go back to our studies?" There was an open invitation in her face. "I've heard that the mentors' office is a very good place for... studies."

He laughed, the earlier gloom was repressed for the moment. "I love you."

The moment stretched out, both listening to the silent echoes of what he just said, when she didn't say anything, he smiled and shrugged.

"Well, I do. You're a marvellous person. Brilliant. I would be stupid not to." His smile turned very soft. "And I guess that I've felt that way for some time now."

"I didn't understand anything until that night when you kissed me the first time. It was like opening a floodgate. After you left I just stood there, realising that I was very much in love." She smiled at him, a bit shyly. "That I love you."

"I still don't understand what I did right to deserve you."

"Maybe making friends with one of the persons you detested most in the whole school was a good way to start?"

"Maybe. It's so strange, I'm so afraid and out of hope over the trial, and at the same time I'm happier than I've ever been."

"Let's enjoy that happiness as much as we can, then."

"Like hurry to get our books and then meet up in the office?"

"You read my mind." Her smile was big and content. As Draco said, there were more than enough things to worry about, but that didn't mean that they couldn't enjoy the moment too. And she was planning to.

o O o

The days went on and the students soon got used to see the two mentors together, there were no raised eyebrows or surprised looks any more. It took a couple of days, but Ginny was slowly coming around. She sometimes sat with Harry and Hermione at the table in the Great Hall, and she had even talked to Hermione a couple of times. It was promising, and she felt that it was just a question of time before they were back as friends.

Ron, on the other hand, was not so simple. He avoided her at all cost, never even hanging out with Harry if she was with him. If they were close to each other he just ignored her. Harry had talked to him, but still no improvement. Hermione suspected that it had less to do with Draco, and more was about her and Ron's relation to each other. She was aware that showing herself together with Draco wasn't making things better, but this time she wanted to stand up for Draco. A world without Ron was empty. She missed him, she really did.

Hermione had a free period, and now she was on her way to the office where she and Draco was working intensely with the material they managed to find as potential help with Draco's trial. They had asked McGonagall for a testimony, she had agreed, and Hermione had collected it before coming here. She opened the door to the office and found Draco waiting as usual.

"I have the testimonial from McGonagall." Sitting down she held it out for him to take.

"Thank you." He opened it and started to read. "But this... this can't be... Did you read it?"

"No, what's wrong?"

"To start with, listen to this: _'Mr Malfoy is a highly intelligent young man with good discipline and constant top marks, in many ways a model student.'_"

"It sounds good to me?" Hermione asked, dumping her books on the chair.

"Well, yeah, that's the thing. Why is she so... nice?"

"Because she believes in you and doesn't wanna see you in Azkaban any more than I do." With a small smile she moved some hair out of his forehead. "I told you there are people who are willing to help you."

"But it's so much of it. How did she find so many good things to say about me?"

A soft smile met his confused face. "What did you expect her to write, about your years as troublemaker in the school, or maybe your sixth year as Death Eater?"

The only answer was a new quote from the parchment. "_'Very skilful when it comes to helping other students, especially the younger ones.'_" There was a short burst of laughter. "I am? She's certainly not counting those students who are cowering behind their desks, terrified of the big, bad Death Eater."

"But she's right you know, you are good with the children. Those who dare to ask you for help are always very satisfied. I've watched you, you are good."

He looked at her with narrowed eyes. "Have you been telling those things to our Headmistress?

"Some of them. Most of it are things that she has confirmed from other sources though."

"Other sources?"

"Teachers, students. I don't know, maybe she asked the ghosts."

"Hm." He kept on reading. "Listen to this: '_Always very polite and correct, both to teachers and fellow students.'_ She obviously wasn't there when I talked to Pansy the other night."

"I never asked you about that, did it go well?" Her curiosity couldn't be fully covered.

"For me, yes. For her, not so much." He shrugged. "But I suppose you can feel secure now, the probability that she will attack you again is pretty small."

"Did you..?"

"Did I what?"

"Did you actually show her..?"

"The Dark Mark? Yes, I did. Short story goes like this: I made sure that we would be alone for some time, and then I showed her my arm and asked her if she knew what that was. She was pretty shaken after that, so when I told her how upset I would be if she ever tried to hurt my girlfriend again she was very perceptive."

She knew she shouldn't like the story, but she liked Parkinson even less, and hearing about her getting put in her place was sweet. "Good. Now maybe she can keep herself down where she belongs."

Draco coughed something that sounded like 'Hermione of Slytherin'.

"Hey! Be nice, you."

"Always." With a mischievous smile he leaned in and kissed her.

"Are you trying to bribe me?"

"Is it working?"

"...Yes."

"That's good." He kissed her again, a bit more seriously, but then they heard voices outside the door, and then the door handle rattled. They jumped apart and stared at the door. Mandy and Lisa entered, nodding at them and headed for their desks. With the other two girls there they were finally forced to start with their work.

After some time Draco looked up, and started to collect his parchments.

"Are you leaving?" Hermione talked in a hushed voice.

"Yes, I need to meet up with Theo and Pansy." He used the same hushed voice as she did.

"I'll leave too then if you don't mind? I'm just going to finish this one."

"Of course. See you tonight?"

"I have no other plans." Her smile was a little too happy to explain if Mandy or Lisa was looking, but she couldn't stop herself.

"See you later then." He winked at her and left.

Hermione read the last part and made some notes, before packing her things too.

"So, when do we get to see you two as a couple?" Mandy had an amused smile with a trace of malice, and Lisa giggled next to her.

"What?" Just staring at the other girl, Hermione tried to look casual and still think fast. Did they know? Was it already out?

"Yes, it must be the natural next step for you two, don't you think?" Yes, there was definitely some malice in the smile now.

Finding some composure she rolled her eyes. "If you say so." She picked up her things and went for the door. Behind her she could hear the Ravenclaw girls giggle. She didn't believe that they actually knew anything, it was only Mandy trying to be funny. Or mean, not easy to tell with her.

Slowly she started to walk towards the Gryffindor Tower. There was still a good amount of time until the next class, and she wanted to leave all the parchments about the trial before then. She was thinking about herself and Draco. She had hated him so fervently just a year ago, how could she be so very much in love now? They were different, just as he had said, and how to live with that, well, it scared her a bit. But she was decided though, they could make this work. Both of them would have to make compromises, but it was worth it.

But, there was this slight, gnawing anxiety, that some of the things she would have to agree to were things that she never would have compromised about a year ago. She thought again about the song about Millie and her boyfriend, both so much in love, which was saying _'love makes you do funny things'_. It was true. Now, the couple in this song had been criminally insane, so maybe it wasn't the best example. She couldn't help smiling. Hopefully she wasn't that far gone. No, she wasn't really like Millie. Yet. An amused giggle sneaked out when she reached the stairs. Hopefully Draco wouldn't drive her totally insane. But then again, being insane together with him could be fun. No more tiresome inhibitions.

On the top of the stairs were three boys, and when she had reached half way up, they started to walk down. When they met the boys slowed down and stopped in front of her.

"Hermione Granger." The tallest of them seemed to be the group's spokesman.

"Yes?"

"From the brave house of Gryffindor." All three of them kept watching her with serious faces.

"Yes. Can I help you?" The confusion turned to irritation and back to confusion again. She did recognise them, but couldn't place them.

"Harry Potter's best friend." He didn't move a muscle, and an ominous feeling started to creep up her back.

"Well-known fighter in the last battle against the Death Eaters." The calm voice that kept coming with those statements was unsettling. There was definitely something wrong here. She took one step back, but the boys followed her, one of them moving down beside her.

"The honoured mentor and representative of Hogwarts." There was a strain in the voice now.

He lowered his voice, but was still talking very clearly. "The betrayer."

This last statement seemed to lift the calmness from them. The tall one and one of the others looked condescending and slightly disgusted, but the last one, which she remembered now was a Ravenclaw, looked really pissed off.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She tried to show some courage she really didn't have.

"I think you know that." The second boy, standing next to her, narrowed his eyes and looked at her. "You're supposed to be extremely clever after all."

"Supposed to. You haven't shown that lately though, have you?" The former spokesman gave her a searching look.

"You are talking a lot of nonsense, let me through." Hermione tried to force herself between them, but was stopped and pushed back to her place. Fighting down the fear she turned to the first one. "What do you want from me?"

There was a laugh, a low, creepy laugh. "Well, that depends. We haven't really decided that yet. We have some different ideas on how to teach you your lesson." He lifted his hand to her shoulder, and used the backside of his fingers to stroke down her arm.

She knocked his hand away.

"Don't be like that, girl." His smile made her inside turn cold. "I'm sure that you've been giving much more than that to your Death Eater."

"So this is what it's about? It's about Draco?" A slight anger grew inside her, and she tried to use it as much as she could.

"Yes, it's about that filthy Death Eater that you hang around with, as if you have no shame." The Ravenclaw boy had balled up his fists and glared angrily at her.

"Of course she has no shame." The tall boy gave her a significant look and stroked a finger down her jawline.

With a bit more force, she knocked away the hand again. "You don't know Draco as he is now. You're judging him without reason." It was hard to cling to the anger when there was so much fear inside her. She thought about running, but she really didn't want to turn her back, especially not while on a flight of stairs.

"Oh, but we're not judging him, _honey_," he sneered, the word sounded so dirty in his mouth. "We don't have to. We're judging _you_. You're the one who betrayed all that we believe in, all that is great and good." His voice was almost tender, and he was watching her with a burning intensity. "And I think you understand that you need to be punished."

She tried different things to say inside her mind, and the thoughts went round and round. But what to say that didn't just made things worse for her? She wished for someone to come by, but all students were either in class or in their common rooms. There wouldn't start to come students on their way to and from class here in a good time. But there must be something she could say or do.

"You're thinking about this the wrong way." She had to try something. "You believe that Draco influences me badly, but it's the other way around, it's me who is influencing him."

"Nice try, but you shouldn't have been consorting with him in the first place. _Shame_ on you." The intonation of 'shame' made Hermione shudder.

"And stop calling him Draco!" The angry boy took a step closer.

"Well, I'm sorry, but that's his name."

Everything went very fast. The Ravenclaw boy took the last step in close to her and pushed her hard. She lost her balance and fell, just before she hit her head or caused serious damage to herself, she got hold of the banister and stopped her fall. But as the momentum swung her,her bag went down the stairs, sending books and parchments flying everywhere. Adrenaline was pumping around her body, and she wondered if she should run for it. But before she had the chance to decide anything a new voice could be heard from the top of the stairs.

"What the _hell_?" A well-known red-headed boy came into view, taking big steps down the stairs. When he reached the others he went straight for the angry boy, giving him a firm push. The boy fell over and rolled down half the stairs while Ron went down to Hermione. The Ravenclaw managed to get up though, and started to reach for his wand.

"You'll pay for this!" He pointed his wand at Ron.

In a single quick movement Ron drew his wand too. "_Stupefy!_" He looked down on the stunned boy, lying still in the middle of the stairs. "In real life you have to use a spell directly or not at all. The enemy will not wait and bow before casting the spell. Amateur." He turned to the two other boys, wand still in hand. "Did you want anything?"

"No, we were just leaving." The tall boy's voice was almost a mumble, and the both of them hurried down the stairs, taking a step over their stunned friend and disappeared down the corridor.

"Thank you." She started to actively feel through her body, making sure that she made the fall without injuries.

"Are you hurt?"

"No, I don't think so. I believe I will get a bruise on my back, but I think that's it."

"Good." Without further comments he bowed down and started to pick up her things.

"Um. You... Never mind." Deciding to be quiet for a bit, she started to collect all the parchments that had spread out over the stairs. She used an _Accio_ to get one that had fallen down through the banister, but the rest was easy to reach. Soon she met up with Ron again, who was carrying her books and her bag.

"Thank you again. Both for the books and for the help."

"What did you expect me to do, stand and watch?" He looked a bit grumpy, but didn't seem to be in a hurry to get away.

"You could have done that. You don't like that I'm seeing Draco either."

"No, but I happen to like you, and I'm not going to let some lowlifes hurt you." When she just stared at him he went on. "What, did you think that all that would just go away over a night? That the fact that you are a bloody idiot would suddenly take away how important you are to me?"

"I... I don't know. You've been so angry. It sure felt like I had destroyed it all."

"Maybe, maybe not." Making a face he shot a glance at her. "I must admit that I was up there listening at first. I had no idea that he would push you, in that case I would have broken in on it earlier. It felt kind of strange to hear those boys tell you all the things that I've been thinking. I got some perspective on it."

"Can't we talk about it? Maybe not now, but when we have time. Sit down and talk it through, you get to ask your questions and I will answer as good as I can."

"I don't know. I just feel like I don't want to have anything to do with you right now. But I guess I just have been proved wrong."

"Should we move before that guy wakes up?" She made a gesture at the stunned boy.

"Good idea. Were you heading for the Tower?" When she nodded he started to walk up the stairs. "I have been very angry, you say?"

"Yes, haven't you?" It felt very good to walk next to him again. As a friend.

"More disappointed. And yes, betrayed too."

"Why not take some time and talk about it. Maybe we can make this work, in a weird way?" She was almost holding her breath now, what if Ron could be swayed back to friendship?

"Yeah... Maybe. Maybe with Ginny too then? She also has questions and things she wants to ask you."

"It sounds fine. What about Harry? If we have a meeting the rest of us, can't he be there just as well?"

"Yes, I think Harry should come too. Even if he is scarily much on your side. Unbelievable."

"When do you have time?"

"For all of us to be free? I'd say it will have to be after class. And there's no reason to wait around, what about tonight? Or do you have anything scheduled?"

"Yes I do, but I can change it. This is more important." Draco would have to study alone, at least to begin with. She would just have to send him a message about it.

"Blimey, something _is_ more important than Hermione's studies."

"It happens."

He looked at her with an estimating expression. "There's just one thing I'd like to ask for then."

"Shoot."

"No more lies. No more hiding. No more intricate excuses."

"Sounds fair." Her heart rate quickened, this meant telling them about her and Draco, and then it would all start over again. Not to talk about the risk that it spread all over school.

When they reached the portrait Ron stopped. "Was that slime correct by the way?"

"In what way?"

"Is Malfoy your lover?" The wall was closely studied while he was asking.

"No, I wouldn't say that." She hesitated for a moment. "But he is my boyfriend."

"I thought so." With that, he entered the door and left her outside with her thoughts.


	13. Trials

**Chapter 13 – Trials**

"The others should be here any minute now. I told them we should be up here." Ron was standing in the middle of the floor in his dormitory, looking at Hermione who was seated on Harry's bed.

"I'm sure they'll be up soon then." She thought of Draco, and wondered if he was in the office now. If he had got the note she left him. It had been very simple, knowing that Mandy or Lisa could show up and find it first. Just his name, saying that she would be late or maybe not show up at all, and signing with her own name. Right now she would really like to be with him instead. Or even better, to have him here, next to her. But just the thought of not just a Slytherin, but _Draco Malfoy_ himself, in the _heart_ of _Gryffindor_ Tower made her lips start to twitch. Ron looked at her with a frown, but he didn't say anything as she fought back the smile.

"We're here too." Ginny announced as she entered, Harry in her wake. "What is this about?" She looked from Ron to Hermione. "Are you two talking again?"

"Maybe. We're deciding that. Hermione has promised to answer our questions."

"What questions?"

"About her life, I believe. But foremost about... Malfoy." He pressed his lips together.

"Oh." Ginny sat down on Ron's bed and pulled Harry with her. "Yeah, let's start then, I guess?" She looked at Hermione with a confused face.

"You can start with telling Ginny what you told me. Because I believe that Harry already knows, he always does."

Hermione took a deep breath and focused on Ginny. "Well, I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to come out and say it." There was a moment's hesitation before she continued. "Draco is my boyfriend."

"He's your _what_? Please, please, please tell me that you are joking. Except that it isn't fun." She crossed her arms in front of her, and then covered her face in one hand.

"I'm sorry, but it is true. Or well, I'm not sorry at all, I'm extremely happy." Shooting a quick glance at Ron she tried a small smile. He didn't smile back.

"So, now tell me this; why is my brother so calm? Why isn't he upset over this?"

"I am. But I realised this a long time ago, so I have had time to be upset. Now I'm just mad. At both of them," Ron answered.

"Harry, did you know this?" His girlfriend gave him an irritated look. "Why didn't you say anything?" When he didn't answer she turned back to Hermione. "Are you insane?"

"Probably, yes." A blissful smile dawned on her face.

Ginny looked disgusted. "Merlin, you really are in love." She looked around. "And how come the two of you are taking this so calmly?"

"I've been angry for a long time. It's time for me to realise that Hermione does as she likes with her life, and that doesn't concern me any more." Slowly he sat down next to Harry. "But don't believe for a second that I'm not angry just because I'm not yelling. If I had him here..."

"Can't we just dispose of him in some way? Send him to Azkaban with the other Death Eaters maybe?"

"No." Hermione turned dead serious. "No, we can't. Because he doesn't belong there. And I won't let him go. I won't." She sighed. "Can't you please listen to me? We have been friends for so long, and I'm telling you that he's really, honestly changed. Believe me. Please."

"Is this the 'Ask Hermione whatever and she will answer' night?" A very calm Harry looked around.

"I guess so." The patience seemed to subside for Ron, and he looked more and more irritated.

"Good. Then, Hermione, you think that Malfoy is a nice guy?"

"Yes."

"You're really in love with him?"

"Isn't that obvious?" Ginny made a gesture with a disgusted face.

"Yes, I am."

"And he's not influencing you in any way?"

She hesitated slightly. "I believe that there always is some transference between any persons having some kind of relation to each other. Maybe we're influencing each other, I don't know."

"So you haven't changed since you met him?"

"I don't know. If you ask if he's turned me into someone I'm not, then the answer is no."

"But..."

"Well, changing was a part of my plan, a new life and all that. And he has helped me find new parts of myself, parts maybe forgotten or repressed."

"I'm still worried." With a sigh he looked at her, his face thoughtful. "It's not that I don't trust you, it's just... Malfoy."

"I have a question." It was Ginny again, her eyes narrowed and her mouth thinned. "When did this damn relationship start?" They could all sense Ron stiffening.

"Just under a week ago."

"Liar." Ron glared at her. "This has been going on for a long time."

"No." She tried to look calm and neutral.

"So you're telling me that you two falling out over a month ago wasn't some kind of lovers quarrel?"

"That's a question of definition."

"Stop that evasive rubbish! Just answer truthfully, you said you would."

With a sigh she looked down, and then back up at Ron. "A month ago, something happened between us, something that could have lead to more than friendship. But then… some things happened, and all chances for something like that to happen were gone."

"That's bad enough for me."

"I have another question." If Ginny broke in because she wanted to change the subject or just because she was upset was not clear. "Death Eater. He's a Death Eater. How can you just ignore that?"

"I know, but that's a question of..." She looked at Ron and fell silent. "He was a Death Eater, he has left all those ideals behind him. He's not any more. I have no problems accepting who he is now."

"He's really got her where he wants her, didn't he?" Ron turned to Harry with a tired face.

A bit hesitantly, Harry nodded. "Hermione, did the thought never cross your mind that he is lying to you?"

"Yes, of course it did. I have been thinking that thought a lot of times these passing months. But in the end, I trust him. Anyway, what would he gain from lying to me? If he hadn't changed, why would he want to be seen with, or even be in a relationship with, a muggle-born?" Seeing Harry's face she sighed. "No, he's not out to hurt me, hasn't he taken it a bit too far for that?"

"Exactly how far has he taken things really?" Ginny's eyes were big and filled with dismay.

The pillow Hermione threw hit Ginny in the face. "Honestly, what's wrong with you people? Would you please stop thinking like that?"

"Well, since it's a good probability that he's using you, then it's a thought that easily comes to mind." As usual Harry was calm and matter-of-fact.

Ginny put the pillow back on Harry's bed. "You might trust him, which by the way is totally idiotic, but we do not."

"You know that night I sat up waiting for you while you were outside, the night before your breakup?" A grumpy Ron looked at her with a displeased face.

"Yes?"

"He kissed you, didn't he?"

There was a slight hesitation, followed by a tiny blush. "Yes, how did you know?"

"It was kind of written all over you. Even I could see it. That _snake_." His fists balled up and his jaw tightened. "I wonder how long he's been after you. And for how long he was influencing you." The look he gave Hermione was accusing and bitter. "All the time you refused to spend with me and spent with him instead."

"But it wasn't like that. There were no feelings of that kind between us until that night. I promise."

"Maybe not from your side," Ron admitted. "But what that scum was thinking, planning..." He kicked the floor. "How come Malfoy _still_ get what he wants, and the rest of us have to stand back and watch? We won a fucking war, wasn't that supposed to change things?"

"I very much doubt that you would like to switch lives with Draco right now. How do you think it feels to be hated by almost everyone? He's about to go on trial, for god's sake."

Ginny looked sour and talked with a displeased voice. "He still has his friends among all the people who were loyal to Voldemort, but wormed their way out of it after the war. Why can't he stick to them?"

"Because he did officially turn his back to Voldemort, to stand on our side. To them he's just a turncoat, someone who betrayed their goals."

"That makes sense. So both sides hate him. I already feel much better." Ron's face was filled with satisfaction.

"Well _I_ don't hate him!" Suddenly she just had enough. "And I'm not the only one who believes in him, McGonagall does too."

"And Parkinson." Harry gave Hermione a long look. "Let's not forget Parkinson."

"Oh, right. Parkinson. Can't we send her to Azkaban instead?" A blush rose on Hermione's cheeks. "Please don't ever let Draco hear that I said that."

"We should summarise." Ginny still looked cross, but she tried to keep it down. "Our friend has fallen in love with the most disgusting, possibly dangerous, _scum_ in the castle. As I see it we have three alternatives. First option. Get her to see reason and make her leave him and come back to us."

"I'm right here, you know." In an effort not to show her hurt, Hermione's reply came out sharp.

"I'm aware of that, but this is the jury conferring, and you have no say in this. Now be quiet and wait for the verdict. Or wait outside if that suits you better, I don't care."

For a split second, she asked herself why she wanted the friendship of this apparently mean girl at all, but then she remembered what a warm, loyal and funny friend Ginny could be, and decided that it was worth it. "By all means, go on. Trials seem to be the latest fad after all."

Ginny continued as if there had been no interruption. "Second option. Turn our backs and let her take the consequences on her own like she deserves. Finally, the third option. Decide that she is our friend after all, and keep her even if she is an _utter_ moron."

"I've tried the first, for a long time. It doesn't work, believe me." An uneven smile replaced the neutral expression on Harry's face.

"And I've tried the second, it works well." Ron moved uncomfortably. "But I'm not sure if I want to keep up with it." He sent a glance to Hermione. "Not after today."

"That leaves us with the moron part. And I must admit that I don't like it." A lot of feelings played on Ginny's face. "I'm not likely to forget that she's chosen to be with the most repulsive, good-for-nothing bastard this school has seen in a long time. Moreover, I don't want to just forgive how she dishonoured all who suffer the after-effects of the war by consorting with one of the enemies." She held up a hand. "And, no, don't give me that 'he isn't any more' crap. Even if, and I say if, he's not a Death Eater any more, he still did a lot of unforgivable things, and he _has_ to take responsibility for that. He had his loyalties sorted out a long time ago, long before the war started. As for me, I think that the Dark Mark he has on his arm is proof enough to call him Death Eater. If you're in, you're in for life."

"You're unfair." Hermione looked very sad and tired.

"That's your opinion." She pressed her lips together for a moment. "I don't want to, but I guess I can give it a try. For old times' sake." There was a sigh and she closed her eyes for a second, then looking up again with a tired smile. "And I actually want you as a friend, even though you're clearly insane. Things are not the same without you around. It's just... going to be tough adjusting, you know." Her face hardened again. "But know one thing. I might accept you, with flaws and all, but I will _never _accept your boyfriend."

Her brother nodded reluctantly. "I'm prepared to try and take the same course of action as Ginny, and wholehearted agree with the last part. In my opinion he still needs a couple of solid punches." He turned his head. "What about you, Harry?"

"Well, I've been following the third more or less since we started school, I see no reason to stop with that now." His face became very thoughtful. "And don't rip my head off, but I hope to be able to believe Hermione some day. Right now I don't trust him at all, but I do trust Hermione. And she's pretty damn sure of her case."

"Mental. You're both totally mental." Ron stared at him, and his expression of dismay and disbelief was mirrored by his sister.

"Maybe we're done here for today? I think we've gotten good results." He looked around at the others.

"I only said that I will try though, I make no promises." Ron's dismay was gone, and he was back to his grumpy self.

"That's all I ask for." Hermione' said coolly, but her heart beat a bit quicker, maybe she didn't have to lose Ron after all?

"Then I think we call it a night." Harry sent Hermione an understanding smile and winked at her behind the others' backs. "I'm sure that Hermione wants to get back to her books as soon as possible."

Ginny stood up and crossed her arms, but there was a little twinkle in her eyes. "So, breakfast tomorrow? All four of us?" When the other three gave their affirmative answers she nodded too. "Good, see you in the common room tomorrow morning." She disappeared out through the door.

With a small smile Hermione stood up as well. "I better be going too then. There's still time for studies." She didn't need to look at Harry to catch his sarcastic smile. "See you tomorrow. And... thanks." As she hurried to get her books a thought kept swirling in her head. The outcome was much better than she had hoped for, it was very encouraging. And now she could see Draco again. She heatedly wished that the Ravenclaws wouldn't be there. She did like to study, and she planned to do a fair share today. But kisses were nice too.

o O o

When they sat in the Great Hall on Saturday morning the rain was pouring down outside. Hermione really hoped the weather would be better in London, it would be really sad to be at Diagon Alley otherwise. She looked around and felt something warm inside. Harry was there, of course, but both Ginny and Ron were too. Ginny mostly treated her as normal now, until she remembered that she was supposed to be mad at her again, and froze up for a few minutes then forgot about it again, talking and laughing as usual.

Ron was acting kind of normal too, but he never talked directly to her. He could talk and laugh in the same discussion as the rest of them, but he avoided having any contact with her. But he was still sitting there, and that was a huge leap forward. They had talked exactly...once, since the scene on the stairs in the beginning of the week, and that's when he caught her on the way to breakfast and asked if he could have her attention for a while. When she agreed he looked a bit uncomfortable, and talked quickly with his eyes on the ground. He told her that they might not be the best friends at the moment, but if she had trouble with someone, he wanted her to come to him. He couldn't protect her all the time, but he could make sure that anyone who tried to hurt her paid for it. That was his way to extend a white flag, she supposed. She knew that her relationship with Draco was hard for him, but she was confident that he would work that out too. With some time it would better.

And Draco. She looked up at him over the brim of her cup. It's almost time for their long day out together, just the two of them away from school. Away from studies, and away from the trial. A day when they just could relax and do _whatever_ they felt like. Suddenly, he looked up, eyes meeting his. She felt herself starting to smile like an idiot, so put a hand over her mouth to hide it. His amused grin knew what she was doing, and he mouthed something she didn't fully get. She got the 'soon' though, and it was enough for her.

After breakfast they met up outside the Great Hall. Parkinson left when she saw Hermione, who, to Draco's amusement, smiled a very satisfied smile. They went to McGonagall's office and were let in.

"There you are. I hope the weather is better in London." The headmistress stood up when they entered. "The same rules as last times, of course. Especially you, Malfoy, would do good to being a perfect representative for Hogwarts today."

"Where's Mandy and Lisa?" Hermione looked around.

"Brocklehurst and Turpin aren't going today."

"What? Why not?" Both of them stared at their headmistress.

"I don't know, you'll have to ask them." McGonagall went over to the fireplace. "Granger, you go first. Have a nice day in Diagon Alley, both of you."

When she stepped out in The Leaky Cauldron she was happy there were no raindrops on the windows. It seemed like the weather really was better here. Draco stepped out beside her, and they headed for the back. He drew his wand and opened the wall for them, and then they were in Diagon Alley.

The weather was much better, small patches of blue could actually be seen through the grey and there was almost no wind. They started to walk down the street aimlessly.

"Remember last time we were here?" He looked at her with an unreadable smile.

"Of course I do. How can I forget?"

"This is where it all begun. Do you think we would still be where we are today if it wasn't for that day?" With the smile still in place he lifted a questioning eyebrow.

"I don't know." Her uncertain expression opened up in a big smile. "I'd like to think that we would have. That we would have been drawn to each other anyway."

"That might be. However, this was the turning point. We came here as fellow mentors, and walked away as friends. You have no idea what that day meant for me."

"It was a wonderful day. It meant a lot to me too." Looking around, she came to a halt. "So what is out first errand for the day? You need more ink?"

"Now when you say it, yeah. I can just refill it. It's no hurry, but it's never wrong to be prepared."

They turned and started to walk towards Scribbulus Writing Implements. While Draco made his purchase Hermione picked out a nice spotted quill as a gift for Harry. Then she chose a dark red ink with slight sparkles for Ginny, she didn't know when she would use it, but it looked really nice. Very satisfied with her purchases, she paid and rejoined Draco.

"Already tired of the brown quill you got from me?"

"No, these are gifts for Harry and Ginny. I thought I should find something for them all today. Only Ron left, and he is hardest."

"A chocolate frog including a collectors card?" His voice held a lot of its old disdain.

Irritatedly she gave him a soft hit on the arm, but there was a twitch at the corner of her mouth. "Don't say like that, it's mean."

"Yeah, but funny. Just admit it." He saw her struggle with her smile, then finally give in to it.

"You're mean, making me laugh at my friends."

"And you still love me." The look he gave her was overly self-confident, but deep inside there was a tiny, unsure question.

"Yes, I do." There was a good deal caring and warmth in her smile, which then changed and became slightly mischievous. "But I sure don't know why..."

"Because I'm irresistible." He put on a supercilious mask and looked down on her.

"Are you having a good time? I haven't seen you in this high spirits in years."

"I'm having a very good time being with you, seeing how I left all my troubles at school. I only wished I dared to kiss you. That's all that is missing for everything to be perfect."

She lifted a hand and stroke his cheek. "One day you'll be able." They looked at each other for some time before they started to walk again, looking in the shop windows and not having any real goal.

After a while they both stopped, looking down the narrow street winding away from Diagon Alley. It actually looked darker down there, but then again the houses were very close together.

"It looks deserted." Hermione looked slightly curious.

"I guess no one want to be seen there nowadays. I sure don't." His expression showed some stress. "Please don't tell me you want to go down there."

"No, of course not. I'm just curious to who are down there today, and why?"

"Good, because you would have been going on your own, and I can't allow that, we would had a big fight about it, and everything would have been pretty terrible."

She couldn't help laughing a bit at his worried expression. "It's sure a good thing that I have no interest in going there today."

"Now, can we please leave before someone sees us and think that I'm up to no good?"

"Oh, yes, absolutely. Let's go find something for Ron." While she talked they started to walk down the street again.

They passed the little place where they had lunch the other day, and stopped to discuss if they should have an early lunch or look for the gift a bit more. Draco kept looking over his shoulder, and finally he had enough.

"Let's get out of here. Now."

"Why?"

"Do you see those three men behind me? They're standing against the wall next to the shop." He looked nervous.

"Yes, what's with them?"

"They've been watching us for a good time now, and I've got a bad feeling about it." Still looking nervous he forced a smile. "It's probably nothing, but I really don't want any problems today."

"Let's go on then, we can eat later, or somewhere else."

They went on, faster now, but the men were still following them. The three of them were closing in on them, even though they quickened their pace. Finally they gave up, turned around and just waited for the men to catch up.

"Whatever happens, let me take the lead." Draco was a bit paler than usual, but looked determined. "Do not provoke them, whatever they might say. I'm sorry, but this looks like it could be uncomfortable."

"I'm not afraid. I'll be by your side all the time, you know that. How bad can it be?"

"It's not often I got to say this, but right now you're actually a bit stupid," he sighed. "I have a really bad feeling about this."

When the men reached them, everything happened very quick. Two of them went up on each side of Draco and then, with a fierce grip on each arm, steered him into the shadow between two houses. They were gone before she had time to do anything else than register what was happening. Of course Draco wouldn't fight back, he couldn't risk do anything that would affect his trial badly, but what was she supposed to do? The last one looked around, and then followed the other men out of sight. Hermione stared at the place where they had disappeared for a moment, feeling fear flare up, and run after them.

The men had let go of Draco, who was backed up against the wall, and was now standing around him with scornful grins.

"Doesn't look too cocky now, does he?" One of them had a flash of satisfaction on his face.

"No," one agreed cruelly. "But I think he need to see how things work in the real world anyway, don't you think so?"

Hermione run in, pushed aside the men and placed herself in front of Draco. "OK, you've had your fun, that's enough. You don't like Draco, we get it. Now please just leave."

The second man laughed. "Now, now, what do we have here." He took a step forward and took her arm in an rough grip, just to throw her against the other wall. "So, that's that. Now, who'll get the first punch?"

"Stop it!" She ran over to them and tried to get to Draco again. "Please, listen, just don't..."

"Your little girlfriend is starting to get troublesome." The third man pulled her close to him, where he locked her arm behind her back, hard enough to make her stand on her toes with a strained expression.

"It's not my girlfriend!"

"Oh, look, it can speak." Laughters.

"So, who is it then?" The third man pulled in Hermione's arm, making her clench her teeth together.

"Hermione Granger." Draco saw the hesitance on the men's faces, and how the second one took a step back. "Yes, that's correct, that's Harry Potter's best friend, one of the Golden trio, a _massive_ part in winning the war, and you _really_ should have recognised her by now."

The second one took another step back. "I told you I recognised her from somewhere," he mumbled.

"I suggest that you let go of her and leave quietly and cleanly, or you'll have to answer to Harry Potter why you're manhandling his best friend."

"I'm out of here." The one who recognised her first turned and left the place with long strides.

"Let go of her." Seeing the third one release her made the first one nod to himself. "I remember her too. Let's get out of here." He turned and the third one followed him back on the street.

Before the third one got out of sight he yelled back to Draco. "Next time we'll get you!" Then they were gone.

"Are you hurt?" Draco went over to her with a troubled face.

"No, it's nothing."

"Sure?"

"Yes, no problems. How about you?"

"Nothing, they never got the time to do anything. _Someone_ was distracting them all the time. And by the way, standing in front of me was brave, but stupid. If you for a second believe that I would have let you take a punch intended for me..." With two quick steps he was close enough to feel his breath, and before she understood what was happening, he kissed her. He took his time finishing the kiss, and then he took a couple of steps back again. "No one notices us in here, don't worry." His smile faded away. "Honestly, what were you thinking?"

"I hoped it would never go that far. Most guys have problems hitting a girl unprovoked in the face."

"Most guys have a problem with abducting someone from the street and use this person as punching bag too." He shook his head. "I don't like the way you build your plans."

"Well then, I admit, I was improvising. I couldn't just stand there, and I didn't dare to use my wand, I was afraid I was going to make it worse for you if I did. The best would be if we could talk our way out of it, and we did, so there's no real need to discuss it any more. Come on, let's go back to the shops, I have a gift left to find, remember?" Quickly she took his hand and dragged him out on the street.

They walked on for some time, Draco obviously amused.

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"You know that we're still holding hands?"

"I know. Nice, isn't it?" She beamed at him, but then sighed. "Maybe we shouldn't. But I'm thinking that most people here won't recognise us, or at least not both of us at once."

"Now we're back to 'most people' again. If we want to keep our relationship a secret we better not push our luck. Sorry." With a sad little smile, he wriggled his hand out of hers.

There was another sigh. "I guess you're right. But it was nice as long as it lasted."

"Just tell me when you're ready and I will hold your hand twenty-four seven."

"Well, wouldn't that be interesting?" She winked at him and laughed. To her delight she got to see Draco's cheeks turn slightly pink. Taking pity on him she changed the subject. "I've figured out what to give Ron by the way."

"Oh, that's good, where are we going?"

" Flourish and Blotts. I've decided to get him a bookmark. I've seen the things he puts in his books, he need one."

With a feigned surprise he stared at her. "Books you say? You mean that he can _read_?"

She looked away to unsuccessfully hide the smile, and put her face straight before turning back. "Oh, stop it. You're so mean. Again."

"And you found it funny. Again." His smile was very amused. "Why don't you just give in and admit that you like my humour, it's not as if we're hurting anyone."

"It will if he hears it."

"He wants to punch me in the face already, why would I want to make him even angrier?"

Fiddling with her shirt, she looked down. "Oh, I think it's more me he's angry with, he's just taking it out on you."

There was a short, mirthless laugh. "And you're supposed to be one of the school's smartest? I took his girl, of course he's mad at me. I would hate him fervently if it was the other way around."

"But it was over between me and Ron since more than a month when we... well, when the kiss took place."

"It doesn't matter the slightest. Especially not when you and me was so close before."

"Oh. But I thought..." Her face was slightly confused.

"He hates me. Trust me on this one." He put a hand on her shoulder and pressed it once. "Let's go find that bookmark of yours. Or his. Whatever."

o O o

To all appearances it was a breakfast like any other day. But how could everyone look so normal? How couldn't they know that this was the big day? The day of Draco's trial. Hermione sat with her morning coffee, too nervous to eat anything, and her eyes never left her boyfriend. He was sitting on the other side of the Great Hall, looking pale even fore him, he wasn't eating anything either.

"...don't you think so too, Hermione?" Ginny was looking upset and waved with her toast.

"Um, what?"

"That David should have apologised to Natalie by now after what happened last weekend."

"Yes, of course." She went back to watching Draco. Parkinson was sitting next to him, talking and patting his arm. A wave of jealousy fell over her, why was that idiot allowed to be there next to him, when she, his girlfriend, had to sit down here and... Or wait. Did she? She jumped up from her seat, mumbled a _'be right back'_ to her friends and started to walk along the table, almost to the direction of the doors leading to the rest of the school. When she turned and headed for the Slytherin table she started to feel a bit nervous, she could feel students looking at her. That girl whispering something to her friend, was she talking about her? Telling herself not to be silly, she kept on walking. They were two mentors, sometimes they might need to talk. She had done this before after all, at the start of the year. It was still hard to not feel self-conscious, seeing students turning their heads and talking to each other, now obviously talking about her. But she reminded herself that she was doing this for Draco, and that gave her the strength she needed.

Draco did not see her coming, and she reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. Slowly he turned around, his eyes empty and a face like stone, carved of marble. When he saw her he forced a smile, started to say something but closed his mouth again. She leaned in close to his ear, so that only he could hear her.

"Draco, you've got to eat. I know it's hard, but you have to try."

He backed up a little so he could meet her eyes. "I don't think that's a good idea. I'm afraid it will just come back up again."

"Just try. Right now it might seem fine, but in a couple of hours you will need something for energy. It won't benefit you much if you pass out of hunger."

"I know." A shade of irritation flew over his face, replaced by dejection, and then back to stone again. "All right, I'll try. He leaned in closer to her ear with a smile that was actually genuine, if faint. "I know what I want more than breakfast though."

With an answering smile that was warm and partly amused she moved until they had eye contact again. Behind her she had a feeling that Parkinson was seething with anger and disappointment. Ignoring the other girl she kept her focus on Draco. "I need to get back to my table before there is an accident. Promise me that you'll try to eat _something_." When he nodded she leaned in close with the mouth next to his ear again. "I'll be thinking of you all day. Good luck, and see you later." Quickly she leaned in the tiny bit that was left and pressed a quick kiss on his temple. She hoped nobody saw as she stepped back. They looked at each other. Her smile was filled with affection and as much encouragement she could master. His smile was small and weak, but there was some life in his eyes now. She reached out a hand, pressed his shoulder, and then turned and headed for her own table.

On the way back to her seat she felt tears burn behind her eyelids. This might be the last time she saw him, or at least for a very long time. If they were unlucky. But no, they couldn't do that, could they? They couldn't send a young man whose only fault was that he was born into the wrong family to Azkaban. The evidence they had collected, it must mean something? They must see that he was changing. What would she do if he just didn't return? They would not be unlucky.

She slid down on her chair and filled a cup with hot coffee. Over at the Slytherin table she could see her favourite blonde with something that looked like toast with jam. While she watched him he took a bite and slowly chewed. Then he looked up and met her eyes, holding up the toast for her to see. She nodded emphatically and tried to transfer her encouraging smile all the way to him. When he went back to his breakfast she could feel how she shrunk in her seat. But she looked up again and found all three of her friends look at her with impatient faces.

"Are you going to tell us what that was about?" Once again it was Ginny who initiated the discussion.

"What do you mean?" Hopefully she had managed to hide her feelings.

"First you jump up and head to the Slytherin table, talking, smiling and are suspiciously close to... that guy. Than you walk back, and as long as he can't see you you look as if you're going to cry. You come back, consume even more coffee, which by the way is the only thing you have had for breakfast, smile at him some more, then collapse when he isn't looking. That's what I mean."

So much for hiding her feelings. "Oh, I was just... missing him." She felt the tears threaten to break free again and she bit her lip hard. He could _not_ be allowed to see her cry now. Suddenly she felt a need to explain, for them to know what she was going through today. They were all trustworthy.

"Hermione, do you want to tell us?" Harry's voice was very gentle. "It's… okay, if you don't, you know."

"Yes, I think I do, actually." She moved as close as she could and leaned in. The others did the same. "I count on that I can trust you all not to spread this on. It's about Draco." What a meaningless thing to say. "Some people don't like him, and now... These people have complained to the Ministry, and they have set a new trial for him. It's today."

There were mixed feelings on the faces. There were some compassion, mostly for her she suspected, some malice, come uncertainty and some concern.

"So, what happens now?" For once Ron was addressing her directly.

"It depends on what they decide. They can give the verdict that it was all nothing and send him back here. Which honestly isn't that likely, but I haven't told him that. They can give him some other punishment, like banning him from Hogwarts. Or they can just decide to send him to Azkaban. And in that case I might never see him again." The tears prickled behind her eyelids again. "We've prepared a case, but…" she trailed off.

"You really believe in this man, don't you? Really and truly?" Harry looked at her with a very serious face.

"Yes, I do! How many times should I have to tell you? Really and truly."

"I see." He reached out a hand and squeezed hers. "I'm sorry that you're in pain."

"We all are." Ginny put a hand on her arm.

In that moment she could see Draco stand up to leave the room. He looked for her a last time, lifted a hand to wave, and then he left. Hermione lifted her hand too, but it felt like more of a swan song than anything else. They had said a bit more of a personal goodbye in the office the night before, and she could still feel his lips on hers. How long would it take until she could feel that again? If ever. This is insane, _what would she do without him?_

The day was excruciatingly slow. Every second she wished for him to step in that door, even though she knew that he wasn't even in any of her her classes. At lunch, she was looking hopefully in every direction, but no Draco there either. She even played with the thought of asking Parkinson if she had heard anything, but she decided that it was a bad idea after all. Who knew what she would say just to hurt her?

The afternoon was just as painful, and the long it took the more stressed out she got. She tried to explain to herself that it was good that it took time, it meant that he actually got a real trial, not that everything was decided beforehand. But it was a poor consolation when he wasn't there. What if it just meant that he already had been sent away? With an enormous effort she tried to study, but it was hopeless. She just couldn't think straight, everything was about Draco.

When her friends steered her down to dinner she had almost given up hope. It had been such a long time now, it must mean that he wasn't coming back. Hopefully it just meant that he was expelled from Hogwarts, not that they had sent him to... No, they just couldn't. Could they? She felt a hand on her arm, and looked up. Ginny had a sad, sympathetic smile, she didn't say anything and she didn't have to. On the other side of the table Harry was watching her with unreadable eyes, he too with a sad smile. There was some comfort in having her friends around her after all. She looked down on her plate, she knew that she needed to eat, but everything just tasted like sand.

Then suddenly Ginny put a hard elbow in her side. "Hermione, look!"

She lifted her eyes from the table, and there, in the doors into the Great Hall, Draco was standing. Looking around the room, probably for her, and a happy smile played on his lips. She just couldn't sit still, couldn't wait and see him later, when it was more proper circumstances. Instead she jumped up from her seat and started to run. His smile grew bigger when he saw her and he slowly went her way. When she reached him she threw herself at him and flung her arms around his neck.

"You're back."

"I am." His eyes were glittering with joy.

"And you will stay with me?"

"I will." The satisfaction in his smile was impossible to miss, and carefully he put his arms around her.

Without a doubt she took his head in her hands and pulled him down for a kiss. It lasted only a couple of moments, but was nevertheless very clear. He laughed a short, soft laugh.

"You're aware that a good part of the school is watching?"

"Screw them." She looked at him as if she couldn't take in enough of him. "They just let you go?"

"No, not really. After some disagreement, it was decided I'm allowed to finish my studies at Hogwarts, but I'm out of the mentor system. I'm not allowed to be a teacher any more." He had his arms still around her, and was slowly moving just his thumb and stroke her on the back. "I'm just so incredibly thankful that I'm not in Azkaban right now."

"So am I." With a satisfied sigh she leaned in against him.

There was the sound of someone clearing their throat behind her. Both of them looked up and found Harry standing there with an unreadable expression.

"Potter." Draco nodded, looking slightly reserved and unsure, and discreetly let go of his girlfriend.

Hermione took down her hands from Draco's neck and gave her friend a questioning look.

"I just wanted to exchange some words with Malfoy."

"Does it have to be in front of the whole school?" Hermione's face was worried, but she relaxed a bit when Harry gave her a calm smile.

"Yes, that suits me perfectly, actually." He turned to the now slightly nervous man. "I've done something today that I wanted you to know. You see, Hermione is my best friend, and I trust her with my life. And she trusts you, totally, and believe in you fiercely."

"So..?"

"So this morning, after talking to Hermione about it a last time, I made up my mind. I went to McGonagall and asked to do a last minute testimony."

"You did what?" His face was expressionless. "Saying what?"

"Not much. Just that I testified that you have changed significantly since the war broke out, and that I trusted you with trying to do what was right. I don't know, but especially with our background, I believe that my name still carries _some_ weight."

Draco just stared at him, dumbfounded.

"So now I really like to be right about this, you better be as trustworthy as I've said that you are."

"Yes. Yes, of course." A small, disbelieving glimpse of hysteria flashed up in his eyes. "I'm sorry, is this really true?"

"I believe it is." The smile on Harry's face was a bit reserved, but it was there. "If nothing else for my best friend's sake, I want you to have a chance." Something in his face turned slightly mischievous. "If nothing else will my presence here probably help you with getting your relationship accepted in this school." His face lost the smile again. "After what I have heard from Hermione, you deserve a second chance."

He took a step forward and reached out a hand. Draco stared for a moment before reaching out too and taking it. With very serious face, in front of half the school, they shook hands.

Hermione looked at them in equal parts disbelief and intense happiness. Something happened here, something big. For the first time she was honest and stood up for him, showing her feelings without caring who saw and what they thought. And then Harry, finally trusting her, and doing that to the extent that he testified to save Draco. Just to top it with the outstretched hand in front of the whole school. Yes, something was happening here, and she thought that she could see what it was.

It's the start of Draco's new life.


	14. Epilogue - An end and a beginning

**Epilogue – An end and a beginning**

People were talking, laughing and shouting at each other, and the volume in the Great Hall was deafening. The end-of-year feast was in full swing, and outside was a tentative, mild summer. Hermione had finished all her exams, and she actually felt content with how she did. Nervous, of course, but the extra studying this year had worked off. Draco felt pretty good about his too, even if he, of course, couldn't be sure.

They had survived the period when people still reacted on their relationship, even if there had been a fair share of mean comments and even the odd jinx or spell thrown their way. But Harry showing so clearly that he supported them had probably been a reason that it went so smooth.

The mentor job had continued more or less as usual. The headmistress had suggested that Hermione couldn't do it alone the rest of the year. She wouldn't appoint a new mentor, but maybe Hermione had a friend that could help her out? Not as a teacher, just being there to support and share their knowledge. That Malfoy boy for example seemed clever enough. Not that he would be a teacher or even close to it in the school's eyes, he would just be a volunteer helping fellow students in need. It worked out well.

But now it was all over, and a long summer stretched in front of her. She longed to spend at least some of it with Draco, but she dreaded it too. How to carry that out practically? Take Draco with her to her childhood, _Muggle_ home? Or even worse, follow him to Malfoy Manor? If she never saw that house again it would still be too many times. The Manor contained the next problem, Narcissa Malfoy. She had to coexist with her, but she wasn't sure how to. It was her boyfriend's mother after all, they had to be able to at least greet each other. But just because Draco had changed doesn't mean his mother had, and truthfully, Mrs. Malfoy scared her.

She turned her head and looked at her friends. Harry was the same as ever, loyal, strong, sometimes happy and sometimes depressed. He seemed to stick to what he said the day Draco came back from trial, that he wanted to give him a chance. So he didn't avoid her when she was in Draco's company, and even talked to Draco himself. Mostly about trivial things, such as Quidditch and homework, but he obviously tried. And it had great effects, not only on Draco but on the people around him too. She could almost see them think 'If Harry Potter spends time with him, maybe he isn't _that_ bad after all.'

Ginny had grown accustomed to their relationship fast, and was now more or less back to normal. She still could get that displeased expression when the subject Draco came up, and she preferred not to be in his company, but she seemed to have mostly accepted that Hermione was committed to him, and the relationship.

Her brother, on the other hand, was a bit harder. It was true though that he had softened up a lot, and was now talking to Hermione again. Not much, and not often, but at least he did it. Draco seemed to have been correct in his suggestion that Ron hated him though, he still looked like he wanted to fight as soon as Draco was around. The overall agreement was to not keep those two together if not necessary. She had to admit, her relation to Ron would never be the same again, but there hadn't been any other choices.

She had chosen to have Draco in her life instead. She felt how a smile slowly spread over her face, and she found his well-known figure at the Slytherin table. He was talking with Parkinson as usual, but she didn't even felt any jealousy today. Let Parkinson have a day with him now, the rest of them would be hers. Because what they had was too right, too real to be torn apart by a silly summer, scary mothers or not. Draco had told her that there wasn't much he wouldn't do for her, and she suspected that the feeling was mutual.

Right now she had it all. Education, friendship, love. School was over, and the real life was waiting. Her new life. She knew that Harry would be there for her, always. And Draco... She had a feeling that he was there to stay too. Next to her.

o

_Here ends Next to You, but Hermione and her friends returns in the sequel The Brightening Future is Ours. Thank you very much for reading, I hope you've had a good time!_


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